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GF now on LS too, but she doesn't know I know that (I don't think, anyway)

reservoirdog1

By reservoirdog1
in General Relationship Discussion

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reservoirdog1 Established Member

reservoirdog1

Posted
Posted

Wow, this is a bit awkward... no idea how to approach this. I suppose it's the curse of the internet age?

 

Anyway, I just discovered today, quite by accident, that my GF of four months is newly on LS. Her username caught my attention, as did the subject line of one of her posts, and when I read the post itself, there was absolutely no doubt that it was her.

 

I'm not sure how to deal with this. I have no desire to sneak around and surreptitiously keep reading things she's posted here anonymously; admittedly I have read her half dozen posts out of curiosity. Nothing in them twigged any concern that she's up to anything that should worry me.

 

There's little doubt in my mind that I need to tell her, ASAP, that I'm aware that she's now on LS, so that she can make an informed decision about whether or not to continue posting here knowing that I could read what she posts. She should have a place where she can ask questions about relationship or other issues, in private, anonymously. I can appreciate that; I've been on LS for seven years and I've found it very helpful in getting other people's feedback on some troubling issues I've dealt with.

 

As per the title of this thread, I don't think she knows that I'm on LS as well. I'm quite willing to tell her my username, because I don't want her to feel like there's a part of my life that I'm actively keeping secret from her. I won't be totally comfortable with it, admittedly, because my user history spans about 2500 messages and talks about a lot of things that I've experienced in the last seven years, some that relate to previous relationships and some things that don't really need to get dragged into my relationship with her. But I'll do it nonetheless, and then I guess it's up to her how much she reads. Besides, she could probably figure out I'm on here eventually if she wanted to.

 

I'm sure I'm not the first person to experience this. Anybody have any thoughts? What should be the "protocol"? Should one of us leave LS? Or both of us? :confused:

 

Thanks everybody...

Green Established Member

Green

Posted
Posted

I told my gf I post on a forum but that I didn't want her to know which one because I wanted to keep it private.

 

If your gf is on LS it is no coincidence she is on here because she knows you are on here. (its a really random site to post on or read)

Stung Established Member

Stung

Posted
Posted

Well, that is awkward.

 

I think you're right to tell her that you're on the site, let her know that her anonymity is already compromised before she gets too open.

 

I don't know if there are hard and fast rules for how to progress--if I were her, I would probably bow out of the site, knowing that you had been here for years and established electronic relationships here already, in order to respect your boundaries. Healthy boundaries are important. Whether or not I would expect you to reveal your own username might depend on how long we'd been together and how serious our relationship was. On one hand, you don't actually owe her that revelation, particularly as you'd be in effect handing her a journal of your thoughts and relationships for years before she'd ever even met you. If you see her as a longterm, serious commitment and want to be open/transparent to her, however, it's a nice gesture. You should definitely think about it before you just hand her the key, anyway. My husband knows I post here and knows my username, he could read my entire posting history if he were so inclined, and I have told him so--but he hasn't, because he respects my privacy. I do appreciate that.

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reservoirdog1 Established Member

reservoirdog1

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I've just spoken with her and told her. We've agreed on a protocol: though we both believe in the principle that we shouldn't be hiding things from each other, we'll treat LS as being equivalent to a diary -- something that's personal and private to us and doesn't need to be gone through with each other.

 

She's going to set up a new username and be more circumspect about what she posts. She says she doesn't know my username, and I believe her. I've removed some identifying details about me from my profile. And if either of us deduces that a profile belongs to the other in future, we'll tell the other about it.

 

Thanks for the thoughts guys. :)

Green Established Member

Green

Posted
Posted
I've just spoken with her and told her. We've agreed on a protocol: though we both believe in the principle that we shouldn't be hiding things from each other, we'll treat LS as being equivalent to a diary -- something that's personal and private to us and doesn't need to be gone through with each other.

 

She's going to set up a new username and be more circumspect about what she posts. She says she doesn't know my username, and I believe her. I've removed some identifying details about me from my profile. And if either of us deduces that a profile belongs to the other in future, we'll tell the other about it.

 

Thanks for the thoughts guys. :)

 

Believe me it was no coincidence she ended up on this site. Plus I don't even know all your user names so how could she.

Citizen Erased Established Member

Citizen Erased

Posted
Posted

Well if she didn't know this was you she certainly does now. :p

EnigmasMuse Established Member

EnigmasMuse

Posted
Posted
Well if she didn't know this was you she certainly does now. :p

 

 

That was my thinking too.

tanbark813 Established Member

tanbark813

Posted
Posted
I've just spoken with her and told her. We've agreed on a protocol: though we both believe in the principle that we shouldn't be hiding things from each other, we'll treat LS as being equivalent to a diary -- something that's personal and private to us and doesn't need to be gone through with each other.

 

What could possibly go wrong?

 

:D:p

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
What could possibly go wrong?

 

:D:p

 

:lmao: Me :love: you! Nice to see ya back TB!

2sure Established Member

2sure

Posted
Posted

My now ex husband was on here as a lurker and found my posts.

All of the information he realized I had , as well as my documented animosity convinced him to be generous to me in the divorce. It was as though reading my posts made him remember I wasnt stupid.

 

As long as your honest, I guess it really doesnt matter who finds out.

tanbark813 Established Member

tanbark813

Posted
Posted
:lmao: Me :love: you! Nice to see ya back TB!

 

Thanks! You too. :)

  • 4 weeks later...
Joe Normal Established Member

Joe Normal

Posted
Posted

So, that post you made a couple of months back about the annoying new girlfriend...?

 

Just kidding ;) I hope you haven't said anything too embarrassing in your old posts, curiosity killed the cat and loose lips sink ships!

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