janden Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 since I posted here during another one of my endings. The one I was so sure was going to stick. The one I initiated. And the one I eventually took back and caved in on. Fast forward 6 months. I ended (again) a few weeks ago. It ended badly and I was sure I'd never hear from him again. I had no desire this time to make the first move. But this time he caved. For some reason, I have this INSANE notion that by repeating this behavior I'm somehow going to change the outcome. I KNOW WITH CERTAINTY in my head that's not going to happen. Now just weeks later, I am once again rehearsing my ending speech because once the "high" of renewed contact wore off, I'm miserable again. He admitted to me that his W was driving him over the edge, so of course that's why he reached out to me. I'm his lifejacket, his buffer, his bandaid for his ailing M. I've been reading many threads about enders struggling with ending and maintaining NC. I am the queen of failure at both of those. I don't know much but what I do know is this: 1. You don't end, really end, until you've just finally had enough. There's no timetable, no magic words, no magic potion to get you there any faster. 2. Sometimes you have to fail before you can succeed at something. 3. You really haven't lost anything when really didn't have anything to begin with to lose. 4. You really do have to cut the ties and enforce NC, when you are finally fully ready to do that. Taking just that one last phone call will set you back miles. 5. And lastly, when I finally do get myself out of this mess, and I will, I will NEVER under any circumstances put myself in this situation again. I learned my lesson. The hardest way you could ever learn a lesson in this life. I post here rarely, but read frequently. And for anyone out there beating themselves up for not being able to end like they think they should, or know they should - just know you aren't alone. It's a struggle no matter which way you look at it.
datura_noir Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 ]since I posted here during another one of my endings. The one I was so sure was going to stick. The one I initiated. And the one I eventually took back and caved in on. Fast forward 6 months. I ended (again) a few weeks ago. It ended badly and I was sure I'd never hear from him again. I had no desire this time to make the first move. But this time he caved. For some reason, I have this INSANE notion that by repeating this behavior I'm somehow going to change the outcome. I KNOW WITH CERTAINTY in my head that's not going to happen. I've been reading many threads about enders struggling with ending and maintaining NC. I am the queen of failure at both of those. I don't know much but what I do know is this: 1. You don't end, really end, until you've just finally had enough. There's no timetable, no magic words, no magic potion to get you there any faster. 2. Sometimes you have to fail before you can succeed at something. 3. You really haven't lost anything when really didn't have anything to begin with to lose. 4. You really do have to cut the ties and enforce NC, when you are finally fully ready to do that. Taking just that one last phone call will set you back miles. 5. And lastly, when I finally do get myself out of this mess, and I will, I will NEVER under any circumstances put myself in this situation again. I learned my lesson. The hardest way you could ever learn a lesson in this life. I post here rarely, but read frequently. And for anyone out there beating themselves up for not being able to end like they think they should, or know they should - just know you aren't alone. It's a struggle no matter which way you look at it. And it is perfectly understandable that she is driving him over the edge, to the rest of us. Who wouldn't be??He deserves to be driven over that edge, he supplied the vehicle to make it all possible! Is she supposed to be sweet and loving and doting? It really is ALL about HIM and HIS PAIN, HIS NEEDS, HIS POOR HURT FEELINGS. How old is he??
datura_noir Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 since I posted here during another one of my endings. The one I was so sure was going to stick. The one I initiated. And the one I eventually took back and caved in on. Fast forward 6 months. I ended (again) a few weeks ago. It ended badly and I was sure I'd never hear from him again. I had no desire this time to make the first move. But this time he caved. For some reason, I have this INSANE notion that by repeating this behavior I'm somehow going to change the outcome. I KNOW WITH CERTAINTY in my head that's not going to happen. Now just weeks later, I am once again rehearsing my ending speech because once the "high" of renewed contact wore off, I'm miserable again. He admitted to me that his W was driving him over the edge, so of course that's why he reached out to me. I'm his lifejacket, his buffer, his bandaid for his ailing M. I've been reading many threads about enders struggling with ending and maintaining NC. I am the queen of failure at both of those. I don't know much but what I do know is this: 1. You don't end, really end, until you've just finally had enough. There's no timetable, no magic words, no magic potion to get you there any faster. 2. Sometimes you have to fail before you can succeed at something. 3. You really haven't lost anything when really didn't have anything to begin with to lose. 4. You really do have to cut the ties and enforce NC, when you are finally fully ready to do that. Taking just that one last phone call will set you back miles. 5. And lastly, when I finally do get myself out of this mess, and I will, I will NEVER under any circumstances put myself in this situation again. I learned my lesson. The hardest way you could ever learn a lesson in this life. I post here rarely, but read frequently. And for anyone out there beating themselves up for not being able to end like they think they should, or know they should - just know you aren't alone. It's a struggle no matter which way you look at it. ]since I posted here during another one of my endings. The one I was so sure was going to stick. The one I initiated. And the one I eventually took back and caved in on. Fast forward 6 months. I ended (again) a few weeks ago. It ended badly and I was sure I'd never hear from him again. I had no desire this time to make the first move. But this time he caved. For some reason, I have this INSANE notion that by repeating this behavior I'm somehow going to change the outcome. I KNOW WITH CERTAINTY in my head that's not going to happen. I've been reading many threads about enders struggling with ending and maintaining NC. I am the queen of failure at both of those. I don't know much but what I do know is this: 1. You don't end, really end, until you've just finally had enough. There's no timetable, no magic words, no magic potion to get you there any faster. 2. Sometimes you have to fail before you can succeed at something. 3. You really haven't lost anything when really didn't have anything to begin with to lose. 4. You really do have to cut the ties and enforce NC, when you are finally fully ready to do that. Taking just that one last phone call will set you back miles. 5. And lastly, when I finally do get myself out of this mess, and I will, I will NEVER under any circumstances put myself in this situation again. I learned my lesson. The hardest way you could ever learn a lesson in this life. I post here rarely, but read frequently. And for anyone out there beating themselves up for not being able to end like they think they should, or know they should - just know you aren't alone. It's a struggle no matter which way you look at it. And it is perfectly understandable that she is driving him over the edge, to the rest of us. Who wouldn't be??He deserves to be driven over that edge, he supplied the vehicle to make it all possible! Is she supposed to be sweet and loving and doting? It really is ALL about HIM and HIS PAIN, HIS NEEDS, HIS POOR HURT FEELINGS. How old is he??
datura_noir Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Alright, I either have a gremlin in my pc, or I just FUBAR!
20Seconds Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I don't know much but what I do know is this: 1. You don't end, really end, until you've just finally had enough. There's no timetable, no magic words, no magic potion to get you there any faster. I wholeheartedly agree. I rehearsed my ending speech almost every week for 15 long months. Had two major blow up / nearly finishing it periods but went back each time. And ironically towards the end (when he thought he was going to lose me) he became miles more committed. Then backtracked and blew the frost all over me. To finally do it has been the biggest relief, because I had had enough, I was sick of how he pulled me back and forth and my total loss of control. I was ready.
Confused4Now Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I don't know much but what I do know is this: 1. You don't end, really end, until you've just finally had enough. There's no timetable, no magic words, no magic potion to get you there any faster. 2. Sometimes you have to fail before you can succeed at something. 3. You really haven't lost anything when really didn't have anything to begin with to lose. 4. You really do have to cut the ties and enforce NC, when you are finally fully ready to do that. Taking just that one last phone call will set you back miles. 5. And lastly, when I finally do get myself out of this mess, and I will, I will NEVER under any circumstances put myself in this situation again. I learned my lesson. The hardest way you could ever learn a lesson in this life. #5 rings so true to me....after hitting rock bottom several times in my situation. I learned my lesson. I won't ever allow it to happen again. LESSON LEARNED.
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