Author cjay Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 Our home, that I just got for her birthday this year...Is literally her dream home. It's over 4400 sq ft...etc etc. I give her everything she wants.I do want to stay in Vegas. I have a great job. Yes I have a lot to deal with but it got thrown into light when I felt the distance from her and then finally cracked when I got the 'proof'. I was never a doormat, I always was confidant. Just recent events have lead me to become paranoid and a bit nuts...I'm trying to keep the sanity. Just going through a lot of emotions. Tainted by past experiences....
GorillaTheater Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Our home, that I just got for her birthday this year...Is literally her dream home. It's over 4400 sq ft...etc etc. I give her everything she wants.I do want to stay in Vegas. I have a great job. Then stick with Vegas and your job. Start meeting your own needs. You need to do that even in a healthy marriage. It's a very unhealthy dynamic to give your wife "everything she wants" while putting your own wants and desires on a back shelf. You're going to find yourself getting resentful, and your wife is going to find that very unattractive. Take a look at this website, and see if you see yourself in what's being described: http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/
YellowShark Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Our home, that I just got for her birthday this year...Is literally her dream home. It's over 4400 sq ft...etc etc. I give her everything she wants.I do want to stay in Vegas. I have a great job. Then why do you want to give up your city, your job, and your nice home to fix her issues? (infidelity and alcoholism) Seems like a bad deal for you and signs of codependency. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency Instead how about both of you seek counseling and she needs to give up her booze and Craigslist connections before you decide to bail on Vegas. Just tossing that thought out there. But ultimately do what is right for you.
Mimolicious Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I hope you don't think that a 4400sq ft structure is really going to be the essence of your M. It keeps your W happy that YOU got "HER DREAM HOME". Which btw, can quickly turn into your "nightmare home" during a D process. Besides, I really think this was very irrelevant to even post. You give her material assets while she is posting ads basically soliciting sex on craigslist? No wonder! I have been doing it all wrong! Of course you were never a "doormat". You don't know what you don't know. You know, in my culture there is a saying that gets lost in translation but it is something to the extend of people loving abuse and mistreatment. My mother says it all the time. I am starting to seriously believe her. Let me go print a t-shirt now. Recent events have lead you to become paranoid and a bit nuts? WELL NO SHYTE! Your W is acting like a single woman, looking for outside approval, cheap thrills and rolling with her homegirls like they are back at the soriority house. You have been on the verge of taking your own life due to depression and yet she pulls these shenanigans?! I am betrayed but why does my love blind me? Why does my heart continue to love her... Sometimes I want revenge. I want to find a woman who is sexy, loving, sweet, kind, and open....And shove it in my wife's face. But that's not who I am. And in time, you could become who you are not by not recognizing who your W is. Hone, on the real... We'll be here to support you. I really wish you the best of luck, you are going to need it. The changes of your W gaslighting you are alarming! Maybe not to you, yes because you are blinded by "love" and can't see the elephant in the room. Your W may take your weakness and use it to her advantage (as she has) but I guess you will have to wait to find out. You went from elaborated lenghtly paragraphs to 2 liners. She's got you where she wants you.
Mimolicious Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Then stick with Vegas and your job. Start meeting your own needs. You need to do that even in a healthy marriage. It's a very unhealthy dynamic to give your wife "everything she wants" while putting your own wants and desires on a back shelf. You're going to find yourself getting resentful, and your wife is going to find that very unattractive. Take a look at this website, and see if you see yourself in what's being described: http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/ Interesting site! This is why good, honest, hardworking, educated, attractive (how modest of me ) women like mua (who have been betrayed, abused and broken by d8ckhead$) cant find a good, decent, loving, "NICE" guy to share their lives with. Women, like the one being described on this post have exterminated the good ones. Such a vicious cycle...
GorillaTheater Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Interesting site! This is why good, honest, hardworking, educated, attractive (how modest of me ) women like mua (who have been betrayed, abused and broken by d8ckhead$) cant find a good, decent, loving, "NICE" guy to share their lives with. Women, like the one being described on this post have exterminated the good ones. Such a vicious cycle... For what it's worth, the website is not about becoming a dick, it's about how to stop engaging in self-defeating and self-destructive behavior. This is the "Nice Guy" as defined there: He is the relative who lets his wife run the show.He is the friend who will do anything for anybody, but whose own life seems to be in shambles.He is the guy who frustrates his wife because he is so afraid of conflict that nothing ever gets resolved.He is the boss who tells one person what they want to hear, then reverses himself to please someone else.He is the man who lets people walk all over him because he doesn't want to rock the boat.He is the dependable guy at work who will never say "no," but would never tell anyone if they were imposing on him.He is the man whose life seems so under control, until BOOM, one day he does something to destroy it all.In general, nice guys share the following characteristics Nice guys seek the approval of others.Nice guys try to hide their perceived flaws and mistakes.Nice guys put other people's needs and wants before their own.Nice guys sacrifice their personal power and often play the role of a victim.Nice guys tend to be disconnected from other men and from their own masculine energy.Nice guys co-create relationships that are less than satisfying.Nice guys create situations in which they do not have very much good sex.Nice guys frequently fail to live up their full potential.If the OP falls in this category, it's time to change.
Mimolicious Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 For what it's worth, the website is not about becoming a dick, it's about how to stop engaging in self-defeating and self-destructive behavior. This is the "Nice Guy" as defined there: He is the relative who lets his wife run the show.He is the friend who will do anything for anybody, but whose own life seems to be in shambles.He is the guy who frustrates his wife because he is so afraid of conflict that nothing ever gets resolved.He is the boss who tells one person what they want to hear, then reverses himself to please someone else.He is the man who lets people walk all over him because he doesn't want to rock the boat.He is the dependable guy at work who will never say "no," but would never tell anyone if they were imposing on him.He is the man whose life seems so under control, until BOOM, one day he does something to destroy it all.In general, nice guys share the following characteristics Nice guys seek the approval of others.Nice guys try to hide their perceived flaws and mistakes.Nice guys put other people's needs and wants before their own.Nice guys sacrifice their personal power and often play the role of a victim.Nice guys tend to be disconnected from other men and from their own masculine energy.Nice guys co-create relationships that are less than satisfying.Nice guys create situations in which they do not have very much good sex.Nice guys frequently fail to live up their full potential.If the OP falls in this category, it's time to change. You do realize that a traumatizing experience can make a person drastically change, do you? Someone who has been the "nice guy" as above lays in between a thin line to become a "d8ckhead" if he found himself resembling anything he onces was. Just like the childhood and past experiences have tainted the OP (his own words) and have made him into a "nice guy", the same may be reversed.
GorillaTheater Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 You do realize that a traumatizing experience can make a person drastically change, do you? Someone who has been the "nice guy" as above lays in between a thin line to become a "d8ckhead" if he found himself resembling anything he onces was. Just like the childhood and past experiences have tainted the OP (his own words) and have made him into a "nice guy", the same may be reversed. At the risk of thread-jacking, you're right. Sometimes the Nice Guy who has been trampled one too many times swings to the opposite side of the spectrum. The trick is to find the middle ground: living a life of integrity and honor; respecting others and demanding respect in return.
Mimolicious Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 At the risk of thread-jacking, you're right. Sometimes the Nice Guy who has been trampled one too many times swings to the opposite side of the spectrum. The trick is to find the middle ground: living a life of integrity and honor; respecting others and demanding respect in return. Yes, I totally agree. THE TRICK is to find one that is standing on that middle ground. FML! ( and for the threads sake-not so T/J since the OP is living out one the personalities highlighted. )
Author cjay Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 I am Mr. Nice Guy. Always have been since I was younger. However, with my wife prior to my dad's death, I was a jerk and a Mr. Nice guy rolled into one towards her and nice to everyone else... Why can't I find an honest woman who loves me for me and who I don't have to be paranoid about? then love can be so easy and not questioned if she or myself is doing something wrong. Thanks guys...I just am in squirms with her. Almost ready to put my foot down........
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