Crushed

[Breinfl]

I was just recently dumped. Just overwhelmed at this time and thought I could vent or find some help in others same situation or maybe I don't know. After a 4 year relationship my ex decides he needs to find himself. States now that he still loves and misses his ex which is currently involved with someone else and has stopped communication with him because wanted to be happy and the communication was not letting her be. After the communication stopped is when I noticed a difference.

 

We were very happy but 1 thing we did fight about was the communication of the ex. He insisted they are just friends and have always been. Always told me he just saw her as a friend. but now has recently said that he can't be with me cuz he thinks of her too. So wants to be alone to find himslef.

[Breinfl]

we move out next week and it's killing me. being the dumpee guess sets in more.

[sdarren40]

*hug*

 

Sweetie, you deserve someone who will give you all their love and devotion. Your ex seems like a good guy, but his actions were absolutely cowardly. I guarantee that you can do so much better than him, someone who is deserving of your love. Feel free to message me if you ever need someone to talk to. We're both going through a very painful time right now, but I know we'll come out of this so much stronger and wiser.

 

For now, try writing in a journal, call up some friends, play music, cook, read break up books (which is what I've been doing), etc...let's take it one day at a time.

[Breinfl]

I don't know how to message here. If it's different from what I am actually doing right now. lol.

 

The hardest part of all this is that we been living together and broke up about 1 or 2 months ago. Still living together and he acts like everything is so cool. Sees me crying and sad about having to move our separate ways soon. I see the things packed and it kills me. How do u just say after 4 years "I need to be alone" " It's not you it's me" " I need to find myself cuz I love 2 people" It's insane.

 

Been this whole month searching for a apt to rent until finally a week ago got something. I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest.

[Breinfl]

thanks for the hug and reply. I have also started writting my feelings down in my planner cuz really to crushed to even tell my friends.

[pandagirl]

Wait, are you telling me that you guys were together for FOUR years, and during that entire time he was not able to get over his ex?

 

Oy vey.

[alwayshoping]

Same Situation kinda!

 

You really deserve someone better and someone who appreciates you for who you are. Someone who isnt imature enough to think the grass is greener. Try to keep your head up because when you meet the right person you will just know (as will they) x

[lapse]

Gosh, I didn't know that breaking up and moving out was so hard for others, as well. I will say I very seriously fought with this... moving out... for the last 2 years. I broke up with him numerous times, though I didn't want to. He just would not stop complaining about every little thing I did... taking everything I did as a personal affront, a "gouge" as he called it. I finally moved out over the weekend and, where I anticipated panic and emptiness, I found peace. Now that I'm gone, this is not nearly as horrible as I thought it would be. I've taken other breakups worse, actually. This is different because it was deeper, but it was also disruptive to every moment of my life for the last 4 years. I can just finally relax! And put stuff where I want to put it. I'll never forget the time he got mad because I was going to rearrange the living room for Christmas... or mad that I needed more space for my stuff... as I packed up our bedroom and other areas (other than the kitchen lol), I realized just how little I lived there. You could scarcely tell someone had moved, yet closets and shelves, etc. are/were jam packed and cluttered with his stuff. And he said that I had alienated him from his house?

 

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that I thought I'd take moving out harder than a lot of people. So I thank you for sharing your experience through the interverse... I am sad for you, but it it is also comforting to know that others are enduring some of the same pain. That sounds awful, because I truly wish you weren't, but given that we are, it's comforting to share.

 

Did you find that when you finally found a place, you were both relieved and devastated simultaneously? I looked for the last 2 years, even when we were together, but things weren't going well. I couldn't seem to find anything I really could see living in. And I asked the universe to open the proper doors and I love my new place!

Edited October 27, 2010 by lapse

[Breinfl]

that is what it seems like. but she is in a relationship now and cut all ties from him. that's when he changed and wanted to be "alone" "confused"

[Breinfl]

thanks. I looked for a place all this month until I finally found one. He already had a place, deposit and date to move. Meanwhile, I am left like uuuuuhhh ok I have to move too. I found it hard to find a place though and he even suggested I try applying to the same complex he is moving into. I was numb for about 1 hour and didn't reply. I just said I would try to keep looking. I don't think he sees nor feels the devastation I feel. To him it's like nothing. We split most of things and he even offered to help. I guess being the dumpee is more devasting than the dumper.

 

The hardest part for me is still being in the home and going on our daily things together. We act normal more like friends but it doesn't stop hurting me of course. Sometimes we may watch a movie or just talk about things and laugh or I would do something that he always liked about me and I notice it slips out... I am going to miss u he'd say or miss that. omg that's like... so why? but I keep silent and try just to get along until I move. He probably thinks I will be friends with him but at this moment that is a no. Being dumped for no reason because he needs to find himself or is confused. hello what ever happen to let's take some time or space or something. Not something so drastic like moving out. I am still packing and organizing till that day is here and I can't even control my tears from falling alone. I think I even cry at the commercials. pathetic...

[Heatemyheart89]

Im so sorry about this

But its good you know isnt it. Maybe it just wasnt meant to be. Do you really want someone who thinks they are into their ex hell no. You can do so much better

[Breinfl]

ty. I guess it's the process that takes a toll. especially when u can't even talk about it to anyone cuz they judge and say things easier said than done. this is awful. I want to get passed this already.

[alittlejaded]

My heart goes out to you. I don't know if this will give you any sort of comfort, but I want to let you know that you will get through this, as painful as this is. I know this because it happened to me a long time ago. I actually felt myself flinch (if that makes sense) when reading your post.

 

I logged in to specifically reassure you, as I know that right now it feels like your world is falling apart. Your situation feels utterly unbearable right now, huh?

 

I rarely talk about how the breakup with my HS sweetheart actually went down, but with so many years separating the event, I think it is right to share this with you as validation that you are not alone.

 

We were together for a very long time, started dating in HS and moved in together when we went to college. The last year of our relationship, we were engaged, but with no wedding date set as I wanted to finish school. One day he came home and told me it was over. We lived together for an entire month after that until I could find another place and move out. This was undeniably the hardest month of my life as I was not only the death of a romantic relationship but also a friendship. It seemed so easy for him to move on. What I didn't understand at the time was that he had come to terms with the breakup before it even happened.

 

What seemed to help me was counseling, lots of distance, and a strict NC. This is so very important as any contact with him will put you right back in that mindset. Also, take good care of yourself and know that there is someone who deserves you out there. Surprisingly, you'll find him when you least expect it.

 

Unfortunately, my story doesn't end here. Even after years of NC, seeing him again overwhelmed me. Again, the reason why I tell you NC means NC for good unless you can honestly say that you are completely over him. I am still trying to work through this setback, but it is getting surprisingly easier. Perhaps time does help.

[skydiveaddict]

I know how you feel. "Crushed" describes it perfectly. Stay strong, good luck to ya