tell-me-more Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I've still got an ongoing "issue" with my ex girlfriend. It's like the relationship that won't die! To be brief, I dated her 8 years ago, we only lasted 3 months. And again this year from Jan to May. There were good reasons for us splitting but I won't bore you with that. When we split she told me that she wanted me to remain a close friend and she admitted that she would miss our sexlife. That was in May. End of June she phoned for a "chat" and followed up with a few texts. Then again in late July she texted me and I replied with some general waffle. And in August she texted a very personal message, which I didn't reply to. Then in Sept she left a voicemail asking me for info on moving to France. Now this pressed my button as we'd often talked of going. Even looked at property. Just by chance I speak French and she doesn't!! So I e-mailed a reply. It was a both barrels reply telling her several home truths etc. I thought that would be the end.....but no...! End of Sept, she phoned my mobile and we spoke for 1hr 30 about very personal matters. Only in the last 5 mins does she mention that she's seeing someone!! So I'm thinking that the r'ship isn't that strong.... Anyway, I suggested I'd phone back, but didn't.....She then phones again a few days later ( missed the call as I was golfing ) but this time I didn't bother returning the call. Then nothing till Sunday.....She shows up in an old haunt, a coffee shop in town. She knows I'm in there every sunday at 5. This cafe is where we met all those years ago. In Jan she even admitted she used to come in to see if I was there and if I wasn't, she'd leave. Anyway, this time she's with her "friend". And for good measure she's sporting a certain dress shall we say. I was my fav, and without making you all blush, I hope its been dry cleaned, if you understand...! I just said hi and plonked myself down at the closest table....! So the big question is this. Is she playing games or wanting me back in her life? Just not bright enough to work it out
Don Ho Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 My first thought was that she's obsessed with you, but after reading that she talked about France, wore that dress to YOUR coffee shop with her man .... I'd have to conclude she's trying to get back AT you. Cut her off.
Author tell-me-more Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 Maybe so... The going to France idea is rubbish. She has two children who don't speak a word of French plus she herself has only a basic grip. She would need a breadwinner ie me plus someone who can speak the lingo ie me...Hmmm! Forgot to say that when we last spoke ( 5 weeks ago ) she told me that she told the new guy right from the start that she plans to leave town next summer and head to France, SW England or Australia! Sounds like a glorified rebound relationship till she straightens her own head out. Time will tell, but I'd bet that I haven't heard the last of her. Its awkward because I do have feelings...
carhill Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 OP, have you ever met an emotionally healthy woman who doesn't seek out and pursue relationships which are valuable to her? You're talking a three month dating relationship eight years ago here. Regardless of your feelings, do you think this dynamic is healthy? At all? IME, a classic 'broken' behavior is to hook the mark with feigned interest, then flow it into self-absorbed 'me, me, me' orbiter-seeking patter. The 'very personal' conversation is a great example. If you still have 'feelings' after eight years, the bulk of the work is on you. She is who she is. Accept it
Author tell-me-more Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 Carhill Excellent feedback.... I know full well that this situation isn't healthy. And yes, I've thought that if I move to France that would put an end to things. Of course, leaving feelings etc behind is a different proposition. My gut instinct says that her current r'ship will fail and that once more, she'll get in touch. Could be wrong, but I've been around long enough to see how this is likely to pan out. It's kinda like watching a movie and you can predict the ending, scene by grizzly scene ! Thanks again for your imput
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