jw90063 Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I have the worst luck, but wanted opinions on this matter. A couple months ago I met this guy online and we seemed to hit it off pretty well. I'm talking about just chatting, not actually meeting. Weeks ago I got put off at him because of a couple of things. I'm sure he was upset, but he never said another word to me. This silent treatment has not been fun at all, and you keep wondering what really happened. I'm sure I said some things to upset him, but when is it ok to give silent treatment or just flat out ignore someone, or is it ever ok? What about if you really pissed them off? I don't think its nice, but I think by him not speaking to me, you almost start to feel like its your fault. I just can't believe its been over a month now since he spoke to me. I wonder if he ever will again, but clearly he is just some insensitive jerk. It really makes me mad. I just don't know what is so hard about speaking to someone.
lenny Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 The "silent treatment" is emotional abuse - plain and simple. If he goes there, be glad he's not talking to you anymore. Being too upset to talk is very reasonable and stating "I am just too upset to talk about this right now" and following up later is the way to deal with things at a maturity level greater than 8 years old.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I just can't believe its been over a month now since he spoke to me. I wonder if he ever will again, but clearly he is just some insensitive jerk. It really makes me mad. I just don't know what is so hard about speaking to someone. Uh? What on earth did you say to him? You guys were just chatting online. It's par for the course... he just found someone else. It's not a big deal, move on.
Idalis Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 When I think silent treatment I think 1-3 days of not speaking to someone with no warning before hand. What you're describing is more like he's moved on and checked out of your chats. I wouldnt put too much weight on it or blame yourself over it. You don't know this person and they may have other issues that are in no way related to you. Just write it off as a loss and consider yourself lucky! What if he had pulled this disappearing act after you'd met.. that would be worse!!!
Author jw90063 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 The "silent treatment" is emotional abuse - plain and simple. If he goes there, be glad he's not talking to you anymore. Being too upset to talk is very reasonable and stating "I am just too upset to talk about this right now" and following up later is the way to deal with things at a maturity level greater than 8 years old. I think it is emotional abuse, but at same time, you think wow maybe I really said too much, but he knows good and well I wanted to talk about it. The last conversation we had, things were going fine, and I was trying to explain to him that I still wanted to meet. Yes, I actually had decided I wasn't sure for reasons if I wanted to meet him. Anyways, I tried to talk to him about it, and he sort of acted insensitive to that and it aggravated me. He was like "well, I just saw you were online and just thought I would say hi". I got the sense he didn't really want to have a conversation with me, and I didn't understand that. He acted annoyed because I was trying to discuss things in a reasonable manner. So, I ended up leaving an offline message, and I even said jokingly like "Yeah, I'm sure you will avoid me after this conversation lol", and he didn't speak to me for like 5 days. I then left another message which was pretty nasty, but that wasn't nice of him to avoid me, especially after I obviously indicated I feared he would. It's almost as if he did it on purpose. Uh? What on earth did you say to him? Ha, isn't that what some people say when a person was obviously treated poorly. It's just like if someone's husband hit them upset the head, and you were like "what did you say to him?". Seriously....... And, we talked nonstop. It was pretty intense, so it wasn't just nothing. Even though I hadn't met him, there seemed to be a connection, even if that sounds ridiculous.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Ha, isn't that what some people say when a person was obviously treated poorly. It's just like if someone's husband hit them upset the head, and you were like "what did you say to him?". Seriously....... And, we talked nonstop. It was pretty intense, so it wasn't just nothing. Even though I hadn't met him, there seemed to be a connection, even if that sounds ridiculous. Well... if you acted hot and cold with him like that... changing your mind about meeting. Then sent a nasty message a few days later... Can you really blame him if he thinks your a few bananas short? Just move on, and next time don't act so odd.
Author jw90063 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 Well... if you acted hot and cold with him like that... changing your mind about meeting. Then sent a nasty message a few days later... Can you really blame him if he thinks your a few bananas short? Just move on, and next time don't act so odd. You don't know the entire story, and the reason I sent him the "nasty" message, was because he clearly went out of his way to avoid me after that last conversation I had with him. One reason I wasn't sure about meeting was because his real age didn't match his profile one. Honestly, I get you think I'm blaming myself for "all" of this, and although I do feel a little bad about what happened, I'm not that down on myself for the incident. So, I'm sorry you are replying only in attempt to exacerbate the matter. That's kind of cruel though, I have to say. You are acting like this guy did nothing wrong.
GorillaTheater Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I agree that the "silent treatment" within a relationship is emotionally abusive. But you're not getting the silent treatment so much as you've been "nexted" by someone you've never even met.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 You don't know the entire story, and the reason I sent him the "nasty" message, was because he clearly went out of his way to avoid me after that last conversation I had with him. One reason I wasn't sure about meeting was because his real age didn't match his profile one. Honestly, I get you think I'm blaming myself for "all" of this, and although I do feel a little bad about what happened, I'm not that down on myself for the incident. So, I'm sorry you are replying only in attempt to exacerbate the matter. That's kind of cruel though, I have to say. You are acting like this guy did nothing wrong. If he did something wrong it was lie about his age. But if you never met him... how did you figure out he was lying? One time I put my birth year in wrong and it made me 3 years older. On POF you can't change that if you don't catch it right away. I really don't think either of you did anything wrong. It just didn't work out. You should not put so much emotion into a guy you never met with.
Chicago_Guy Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I have the worst luck, but wanted opinions on this matter. A couple months ago I met this guy online and we seemed to hit it off pretty well. I'm talking about just chatting, not actually meeting. Weeks ago I got put off at him because of a couple of things. I'm sure he was upset, but he never said another word to me. This silent treatment has not been fun at all, and you keep wondering what really happened. I'm sure I said some things to upset him, but when is it ok to give silent treatment or just flat out ignore someone, or is it ever ok? What about if you really pissed them off? I don't think its nice, but I think by him not speaking to me, you almost start to feel like its your fault. I just can't believe its been over a month now since he spoke to me. I wonder if he ever will again, but clearly he is just some insensitive jerk. It really makes me mad. I just don't know what is so hard about speaking to someone. This person obviously isn't interested for whatever reason. If you did say something to piss him off, it must have been a deal breaker for him. I would move on.
mmk1 Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Saying this is emotional abuse is greatly overexaggering things. This is a person you only chatted online for a short period of time and never even met. What exactly do you think he owed you?? Please! The answer is neither one of your owed each other anything. Now that I do the on-line dating thing, I realize this is the on-line way of saying that they're not interested. Really, there is nothing he is doing to you, you are over-anlayzing. Just forget about him and move on. Next!
Author jw90063 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 OK, thanks for the responses, but to say it's just online and act like its not a big deal or all that serious is a bit aggravating. I'm sorry, but you can actually have some sort of connection from just talking, depending on how much you talk and what you talk about. I know you don't really know the person, but he's the one that acted extremely emotional involved from the get go telling me he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I even admit that's a little crazy, because how does he really know that. Anyways, everyone is different. Just because you never experienced anything like this strictly online, doesn't mean someone else hasn't. Even if it is online or actually we talked on the phone, should you still not have respect for someone or their feelings? And I asked him his birthday, after we had already talk an extreme amount of time, and that's how I discovered the age ordeal. Yes, it was supposedly a mistake and I chose to believe that, but you never know. I'm just going to try to forget about it, but this angers me because we spent SO much time talking to each other. You have no idea.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 OK, thanks for the responses, but to say it's just online and act like its not a big deal or all that serious is a bit aggravating. I'm sorry, but you can actually have some sort of connection from just talking, depending on how much you talk and what you talk about. I know you don't really know the person, but he's the one that acted extremely emotional involved from the get go telling me he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I even admit that's a little crazy, because how does he really know that. Anyways, everyone is different. Just because you never experienced anything like this strictly online, doesn't mean someone else hasn't. Even if it is online or actually we talked on the phone, should you still not have respect for someone or their feelings? And I asked him his birthday, after we had already talk an extreme amount of time, and that's how I discovered the age ordeal. Yes, it was supposedly a mistake and I chose to believe that, but you never know. I'm just going to try to forget about it, but this angers me because we spent SO much time talking to each other. You have no idea. I understand you really put your emotions into this and it hurts. Most people don't put themselves out there very quickly with someone they meet online. Many people you meet online are not what they claim to be and have bad intentions. There isn't much you can do about it at this point. The guy isn't the type you want anyways. In time you will even forget he existed. Best of Luck!
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