jcowan Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Hi, Little background. GF broken up with me after living together for 7 months and dating for 3yrs. Looking back on it now, I can see why she began to question the relationship as we began to grow apart (no real dates together, time spent was not quality, I did not treat her the way I used to etc.) nothing major happenning just not as close as we were. I will admit I took her for granted and something needed to change in the relationship. Anyways she finally told me how she was feeling about the relationship, we talked, she said she wasn't sure if she loved me anymore and she moved out of the house. Two weeks later after going on a couple dates to see if we could work things out, she broke up with me. At the time she said things were not working out, but also said that she had feelings for someone else who she kissed after moving out and been hanging around with for a couple months. We both work at the same place and have people come into help out for 4 month period. This was a guy from South Africa that hung out with another south african girl that my gf was friends with. I thought nothing of the situation until she told me, but there were rumors about them before we broke up and I found an email between them on the day we broke up indicating how much he missed her and she responded on how much she missed him. Anyways, he moved back to SA a day after the breakup, (there were some plans for her to visit, but they never happened). After the breakup we talked for the first couple weeks and then stopped for a month of no real contact. After that we began hanging out casually and from that we decided to try it again. So now we are back together for around a month and things are going really good, she has told me she feels horrible for acting that way in response to the breakup. My issue right now is that I sometimes resent the fact that she didn't give us a chance at the time of the breakup due to the fact that she had these feelings for someone else and/or if the breakup was accelerated because of these feelings as the rumors of them together did not start until we were basically done (about 1-2 weeks before the "talk). I also sometimes think that if this guy hadn't left that she would have continued to be with him (probably a rebound) and this wouldn't have happened. Just wondering if there is anybody else in the same situation and ways they dealt with the resentment and doubt that sometimes pop up after a breakup?
strength-abounds Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 It sounds like she left because she wanted to explore a relationship with this OM. Once he was out of the picture, you didn't look so bad. You are/were Plan B. The resentment and doubts that stem from your breakup will haunt you for some time to come. IMO, in order for you to have a sincere relationship, these feelings need to be dealt with in an appropiate manner. Both independent and couples counseling should help ease these feelings. Just don't let these feelings interfere with the revival of this relationship. Good Luck and God speed.
shayan Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 strength is right. You need to talk to her about this and resolve it peacefully otherwise these feelings will interfere with you reviving your relationship. I mean are you willing to frogive her and furthermore, maybe she has learned something from her experience. Has she become more fond ou your relationship now? Talk about it,.
Ajax Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I don't think your doubts and resentments are misplaced. She hurt you and broke your trust. From your point of view you have to be wondering when something like this is going to happen again. How do you give all of your heart back to someone who left you for someone else? I agree that you need to talk about this with her and if you're truely committed to making this work counseling might be helpful. But in all honesty, I'd be very skeptical of her motives. If I were in your shoes, I'm not sure I'd take the risk.
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