confuzed25 Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I have been single for over a year now....I have tried a couple dating sites with no luck. Ive been on a ton of dates, but I'm pretty picky and didnt like any of the guys. Well 3 weeks ago I started messaging this guy on a dating site. I immediately could tell I was going to like this guy. He is from my hometown, has all the qualities Im looking for, and seems like a nice guy who would be a lot of fun. So we went out to dinner and both were interested in a second date. So we went to a haunted trail and had a great time. We've hung out a couple times since then, we've kissed.....theres definitely mutual interest. Come to find out we even went to the same grade school at the same time, only hes 4 years older. Everything seems great right? Well..... We went hiking over the weekend....when he dropped me off and my house he said "I had a great time." He asked me when I was off work so we could do something again this week. We kissed goodbye and he went home. I was walking on cloud nine.....but on his dating profile I remembered that he said he was looking to date but nothing serious. So I'm thinking what the heck does that mean?? Does that mean he wants friends with benefits? wants to date multiple girls? I mean hes been paying for me whenever we go out, he bought me a bouquet of roses. What does it all mean? So I sent him a text later that night just saying that I want us to be on the same page so I am wondering what you are looking for? He said that its a hard question to answer but he feels hes not ready for anything serious right now. So I didnt respond back as I wanted to think on it a little bit. The next night he texted me asking if I didnt want to talk anymore? I said that I did but I was still a little confused....did he want to be friends, friends with benefits, a relationship, date multiple girls? I said that I had been single for awhile now and was looking for a relationship.....not looking for anything serious but if it happens, it happens. If not thats fine too. He said that hes definitely not looking for friends with benefits and hes not looking to play the dating game. He said he would explain it to me the next time we talk. So I said ok thats fine, im going to bed, good night. Well that was over a day ago and I havent heard from him. I figured he would be contacting me to hang out. I know he got out of a 4 year relationship a couple months ago...he didnt tell me this, I heard it from someone else. So I cant figure this guy out.....did I ruin everything by asking him what hes looking for? Did I freak him out? Is he waiting for me to contact him? A little advice would be appreciated....
strength-abounds Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Honestly it sounds like he still needs his space to avoid a rebound relationship. To start seriously dating after exiting a long term relationship with in 4 months is TOO FAST! My advice is to let him have his space and just go with it. Best of luck.
Idalis Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I don't think you totally ruined it but I think you may have jumped the gun a little bit on asking where you stand, just b/c it seems like you've gone on only 3-5 dates?? (If I'm reading correctly) I'm not of the school of thought that people need years off after a long relationship, but I know some people see that as a warning sign. I don't. My bf was about 2 weeks out of a relationship when we started dating, and I didn't really take that as a deterrent, I treated our relationship as I would have treated any other with someone who'd been single for years, as new & fresh. I'd say just give it time. If you would normally contact him then contact him. If not then he'll probably contact you soon, after all if he stops talking to you over this then I guess that gives you your answer and you weren't super invested in him (although I know that would still suck) Just one question, if you saw that on his dating profile why did you still go out with him?? I've never done online dating so I don't know how all that works, to be perfectly honest, but would'nt that be something you normally check first?
jesslindy Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I also agree that you don't need years before you date seriously. But if this guy is reeling from his last relationship, it would be hard to answer those questions, he may not know the answers. I wasn't ready for my current relationship, but she is so badass that it just overwhelmed me and my uneasiness went away. Your best bet is to play it cool, and just see what happens. Probably a bit too early to ask about the status. Just have fun, and if he stops talking to you, well it means he's a coward and you would have been hurt anyway, because it sounds like you like him enough. That's my take.
Author confuzed25 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 i did not ask him where we stand....i asked him what he was looking for. big difference. it wasnt like i was asking him are we exclusive now? or are we boyfriend/girlfriend now? no, i only asked what his intentions were. I dont think there is anything wrong with that.....I mean what if i just "assumed" that he was looking for a relationship and we went weeks or months dating and then I get hurt and had wasted my time when I come to finally find out he was just looking to date around or was just looking for friends.
Str8noChaser Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 There is no need to assume he'd want a relationship. His profile said he was dating around. Knowing that upfront & the fact that he was honest & told you he is not looking for anything serious, the ball is in your court. Will you still date him? What are you looking for & does it match what he is offering?
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