Should I move on or ask to try again?

[mimideemee]

Hi all – I’m new to this site and hoped you’d be able to help clear my mind on how I feel about my ex.

 

I dated this guy for 2 months – all was going very well (or so I thought!) and as time went on, I quickly began to fall for him. I did feel confident at the time, that he wanted a serious relationship. But looking back, I think a lot happened too fast particularly as I felt he was quite besotted with me in the first month, and we got carried away in a whirlwind of new relationship excitement. Looking back, I should have also been cautious as he was only 6 months out of a 9 year relationship.

 

So yes, all seemed great and by the end of the 1st month, things were calming down but we were still enjoying each others company. Then by the time 2 months was over, during the very last weekend we spent as a couple.....I noticed some very subtle things in him that made me think he was being a bit cold with me. I couldn’t decide whether or not he was just having a bad day and wanted some alone time; or whether it was to do with me.

 

This bothered me all of that weekend and as I was a bit upset after having to hold my annoyance in for 2 days.....so, as I left his house I blurted out “Are you sure you still want to see me?” In which, he replied yes, but he said he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. I was very shocked at that response as I honestly thought he wanted a proper relationship. Anyway, I left at that point, and just said “Well, so long as I know where I stand”

 

Then one day later he broke up with me – I got a text saying that he’d been thinking about what I asked and thought we should call it a day while the going is good as he couldn’t see us lasting long term. He said he was always happy with me, but he thought that although we’re compatible, but we’re not enough so.

 

Naturally, I was very upset. Things had been going so well, I felt like a rug had been pulled from under my feet as I had not been expecting it to end so suddenly.

 

But reluctantly, I went along with his decision and didn’t question the break up because I want him to be with me out of his own will and desire. There’s nothing worse than if the feeling is not mutual. So I tried to convince myself I just had to move on, though I’ve grown very fond and attached to him.

 

But after one month of no contact, we met up for dinner last week. It just reinforced to me how well we actually get on and how much I miss him and love his company. I just look at him and wish we were still together – I cried on my drive home as it just seemed to have opened up a raw wound. At this stage, trying to be friends is pretty hard for me to deal with! We did have a bit of a “post break –up” chat and he said that we would still be together if I hadn’t asked him that question. So, you can imagine my regret at that stupid " are you sure you still want to see me?" question caused by my frustration!

 

I feel a bit confused at the moment. I have been on a couple of dates since the break up, but I’m just not interested in them – I want to be with my ex and he’s constantly on my mind. My head tells me I should move on as he’s obviously just not that into me. But my heart wants to ask him if he regrets the decision and ask him if we should perhaps try and get back together again and see how it develops – I’ll be seeing him in a few weeks, is it worth me asking him this question? I dont want to spend the rest of my life wondering "what if"?

 

Really, I’m scared of rejection and yet at the same time, I scared of missing the boat as I think it won’t be long till he’s on the dating scene again. Also, I worry if we did get back together anyway....perhaps the relationship would ultimately end at some point anyway?

 

I feel like my head is going around in circles. What do you all think? Thanks so much for reading this!

Edited October 27, 2010 by mimideemee
spelling errors

[thatsonlyme]

You can ask the question, but you will likely get the answer you don't wanna hear. At least my ex gave me all the answers I didn't wanna hear. What they say and what they really think is not always the same though, I can see now that my ex is having her doubts but she would never admit it and she'd rather move on then come back.

 

You should consider yourself lucky all that happened while the relationship was still in early phase. I know it hurts, but you don't have that much history and memories together, you should be able to get over a lot faster than people who got dumped after years of great relationship (like me).

 

The truth is, it's always better to move on. This is coming from a guy who still wants his ex back on deep, subconscious level, but is determined to move on.

 

If he comes back to you, then you can consider giving him another chance, but if you chase him you'll most likely fail. Sad but truth. Don't feed his ego by showing him how much you miss him.

 

Good luck

[shayan]

no move on, I feel like you're just wishful thinking. When someone leaves they leave. They don't want to stay that's why they left. And if they wanted to come back they would.

[Nkognito]

Wow this is pretty close to my ordeal. I just got out of a 12 year relationship and was on my own for a year and a half and then got into a 2 month relationship.

 

Everything was great in it until her mom got ill from a bad surgery and we had time apart. With stress from her job and taking time off, her mom in and out of surgeries and a supposed drug addiction not to mention she was trying to adopt a child. We just fall apart sadly and I was the most hurt because I think I had the strong emotion. She said she did not feel the same as me but yet she gave signs they she really wanted the relationship.

 

Eventually she broke up in text stating she thought I could "talk" her into staying. But then later blamed not coming by on me being abrupt about her exit strategy. I am still crushed but today is different. I no longer have this feeling for her although I miss her dearly.

 

I instantly went no contact for 3 weeks straight and it killed me. I run into her friends all the time but I never ask about her. I made the mistake of getting a speeding ticket and calling her that night/morning about it. I left a voicemail and then felt like a pompous ass about it the next day. I text her that I truly apologize for contacting her so late in the morning (it was 1am) and to disregard the message about the speeding ticket (she is a lawyer) and I should not have contacted her.

 

She replied back about a half hour later with "it's fine". She did not have to reply at all or she could have just asked me to stop talking to her. I tried to read into it but the group here helped me just forget it.

 

 

My point is that I had what I thought was a nice going relationship but then she went AWOL on me and was not willing to work it out. I assume she has a new prospect but who knows. In the end you cannot control people or their decision regardless how much you play back things you would change in your head. This guy is in my position but the tables are turned. He just got out of something long term so maybe he is not ready yet or he does not want to return to what he left.

 

It's good to know that you feel so strongly in just a few months with this guy. But sad to say I do not think he is ready. I think that he is stringing you along and its sad he is doing it. I myself have given up all hope of getting back with my ex. Would I if she came around, perhaps but right now I am so confused with why I cannot focus on the one person that is most important (me) that I need to fix that and take this girl off her high horse in my head.

 

I think you should call it quits and let him go, if he is willing to work for long term then he needs to make that known but not until you are healed. Right now getting back with him will only crush you more when it does not work out. You need to be a bit stronger if a year from now you two work it out and he repeats the same thing.

[quankanne]

it's obvious he's not ready for a deeper relationship, and if he is somewhere down the line, he knows how to get hold of you. Meanwhile, move on ... no use trying to be in a relationship that isn't happening at this point in time, and you can use this time to date others as you contemplate whether this is really meant to be (from YOUR end). Again, if and when he is ready, he knows how to get hold of you.