am i making something out of nothing or is he not over his ex?

[panicattack22]

So I just need some advice, wondering if I am just being jealous or insecure, or if I have reason to be concerned.

 

I've been dating my boyfriend about 6 months now. Things are good for the most part. I'm having issues with wondering if he isn't quite over his ex-girlfriend. They dated for about 3 years, and he said they haven't talked for about a year. It bothers me though that there is stuff of hers still all over the house. Lotion, nail polish, stuffed animals, even some of her clothes.. It's all right out in the open!! It makes me obsess about her and wonder if he is keeping this stuff around because he isn't over her?

 

A few weeks ago, I said something about the lotion. I just couldn't take it anymore. It's sitting on his end table next to the chair he always sits. Where he also keeps his drink, cigarettes, phone etc. I know he sees it there!! When I asked him why he hasn't gotten rid of it, he said he never thinks of it and he's lazy when it comes to things like that. I told him that it bothered me that some of her things were still lying around the house and it maked me wonder if there was a reason why he is keeping her stuff. He told me that I'm analyzing it too much, and making something out of nothing and reassured me that he was over her. I felt better after we talked and dropped it.

 

So now a few weeks later, here we are. After telling him how I feel about her stuff all over the house, its STILL THERE! I don't want to be naggy about it, but it bothers me more than ever now. I don't understand what is so hard about throwing this sh*t away! Now I'm pissed and don't know what to do about it. He knows how I feel and obviously he doesn't care. Do I throw the stuff away myself? Do I bring it up in a more rudely manner or what? I'm constantly staring at all this crap and it just makes me think about his past relationship. That's what drives me nuts about it...is he constantly thinking about her and his past relationship with all these constant reminders all over the place?? Or am I just being too sensitive about all of this?? I just don't want to waste my time on someone who isn't over his ex and holding onto her things in hopes that they will be getting back together someday, ya know?

[Els]

Offer to help him clean up his room. If he's truly just messy and lazy, he'll appreciate the help. If he downright refuses, I would be wary.

[PegNosePete]

Yep what Elswyth says.

 

But if he is truly lazy then he won't want to clean up, even with your help. As an experiment try throwing the lotion away. If he gets pissed, he obviously is not telling you something. If he doesn't care, then he really is just lazy, and won't mind you throwing all the other stuff away also.

 

But regardless, I would reassess if he really is right for you. He doesn't seem to care about your feelings. It could be a bad omen of things to come.

[panicattack22]

thanks! i will definitely try that!

[LiveWell]

It bothers me though that there is stuff of hers still all over the house. Lotion, nail polish, stuffed animals, even some of her clothes.. It's all right out in the open!! It makes me obsess about her and wonder if he is keeping this stuff around because he isn't over her?

 

 

You are correct. He is not over her. Not by a longshot.

[havehope]

I think it says something that he hasn't gotten rid of it AFTER you nicely expressed it bothered you. Once they know something bothers you, they should want to do what they can to make it stop bothering you and make a conscious effort about it. I mean, speaking in general, you want your significant other to be happy, and if you can do something to make them happy, you'd do it for them.

 

It's kinda weird it's still around. You would think after a breakup someone would want to get rid of stuff that reminded them of the relationship (out of sight, out of mind). I agree with the suggestion to offer to help clean. You'll find out a little more then I think.

[machiavellian]

At this point, since you already said something, I would just throw all that **** away ... but then again, I can be kind of a bitch sometimes.

 

In the future I also would stay away from guys who do this.

 

Good luck!