toughsituation Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I am 21 years old and have been dating this girl for 2 years. We have been in love since the first day we saw each other and have been planning on spending forever together. However 1 day, about 2 months ago things got wierd all of a sudden. She was acting differently and I knew something was up (later I found out why something felt wrong). Things stayed wierd for the next couple of weeks, she started to tell me she wasnt sure that she was in love with me anymore and I freaked out and made the mistake of breaking up with her. Even though I knew and she knew I didnt mean it I still shouldnt have overreacted like that. Anyways we started talking again about a week later. That night I saw her phone and saw tons of texts on it from her and this guy talking about hooking up and things like that. I had found out that these texts started when things started to feel wierd. Anyways the worst part about it is this kid she was talking to is her sisters husbands little brother. I found out that they met up and made out that night. I told her at that point I was leaving. She begged me to give her another chance and so I did, she promised shed end it and i found out later she didnt. At one point she told me that she wasnt in love with me anymore and I left again. This time I honestly thought this was it, and in a jealous, insecure rage I had sex with a random girl. I immediately regretted it afterwards and told my ex because she was once again trying to get back with me. She told me she was having an impossible time getting over what happened with me and this girl, but I thought my reasons for doing it were justified and I was still pissed at her talking and doing things with this guy. Anyways we again for the 5th time probably decided to try and make this work because we still loved each other so much. She told me she would stop talking to this kid and it was over. Anyways I found out a few days ago they talked again and ended up having sex. She says she made a big mistake and that she got confused and scared about commiting to me forever and has been using this kid the whole time to escape her fears because he was easy to be around with and also that she felt insanely jealous and hurt over me being with another girl, she assures me she had and has no feelings for this kid(which I trouble to totally believe), but that she knows she wants me. Furthermore she doesnt know how to get out of this situation with this other guy because he is her family and she knows the situation will make things hard. Im so confused as to what to do. I love this girl and I know she loves me, even though im sure your doubting that as your reading but I know its true, but after what has happened how can I get back from it? This kid is part of her family and hes not going anywhere. And the fact that she has done what she has done for the past 2 months tells me a lot. However she has not been herself lately and a lot seems totally off, she doesnt eat or sleep much anymore and I can tell shes lost. What should I do?
welikeincrowds Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I love this girl and I know she loves me, even though im sure your doubting that as your reading Hey, you read my mind. The relationship you two share has become very destructive, and you have both seriously hurt each other. It's one thing to try and recover from something like that, but furthermore, from what I've read here, there is no reason to believe you two won't continue with this painful trend. I know this will be hard to do because you are emotionally invested. Read over what you've written and be honest with yourself about what's happening here. Sometimes the most mutually considerate move is to cut your losses.
callingyouuu Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 If you reread your post, you'll find that you react to every one of her bad actions with some sort of justification that things will get better until it falls apart when she does it again... and again... and again. She doesn't respect you. I know you care about her, and it's hard to think of her as someone who harmed you in any way. But if you love yourself at all, you should leave her. For good.
utterer of lies Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 However she has not been herself lately and a lot seems totally off, she doesnt eat or sleep much anymore and I can tell shes lost. What should I do? Face it. It's over. There are two ways this can go: Either you go no-contact and try to get yourself together again. Or you try to keep her, and you will have lots of drama for as long as she feels guilty, after which she will go no-contact or possibly use you for some time, during all of which you will be in hell. But anyway, you will hurt and suffer. But you'll get over it.
Author toughsituation Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 Do you guys think this is something thats impossible to recover from? Cant love make it work? I feel like and she feels like we were and are meant to be together and that somewhere along the line we took that love for granted. Cant this just be a big wake up call to us both? I just dont think I can walk away from this one, im trying but it litterally consumes me 24/7. I have broken things off with her, I wouldnt even consider getting back with her unless she has proven that this thing with him is done and that she is herself again. She's a great girl who I think just freaked out and got scared, ive talked with a lot of women who could shed some light on the subject and help me understand.
strength-abounds Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Do you guys think this is something thats impossible to recover from? Cant love make it work? I feel like and she feels like we were and are meant to be together and that somewhere along the line we took that love for granted. Cant this just be a big wake up call to us both? I just dont think I can walk away from this one, im trying but it litterally consumes me 24/7. I have broken things off with her, I wouldnt even consider getting back with her unless she has proven that this thing with him is done and that she is herself again. She's a great girl who I think just freaked out and got scared, ive talked with a lot of women who could shed some light on the subject and help me understand. Welcome to LS tough. Please listen to the advice the previous posts made to you. You, my friend, are done and no longer desired by her. I hate to be blunt about it. You can and should walk away from her. Do not lower yourself and agree to be Plan B. Dude, it's not worth it. Go NC and start healing from this toxic relationship. It will be a hard, tough road but you will make it. Good luck.
mogul Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Trust me, its best to just walk away now. I was in a similar situation very recently, and dragged out the relationship. Its hard to walk away from something/someone you're so invested and comfortable in but in the long run it is best. Once the trust is gone, in very rare occasions would you ever get it back or would a relationship flourish again. This just from my own personal experience.
counterman Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I agree with what the other posters have said. It is extremely tough since you have been together for so long and you have that emotional attachment, that dependency almost. However, your well being, and hers, has been compromised. It is time to move on. Best thing you can do is not contact her and not respond to her attempts to contact her. Stay strong here because if you don't, you'll fall right back into this mess. From my personal experience, once things like this happens, it is impossible to recover. The more you try, the bigger the hole you dig for yourself. That "kid" is part of her family and you don't want to be a part of all that after this has happened. Move on. Most importantly, stay moving on.
alexlakeman Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 CLiff's Notes? Can you break it down in paragraphs? Makes it much easier to read, lol
Darren Steez Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Do you guys think this is something thats impossible to recover from? Cant love make it work? I feel like and she feels like we were and are meant to be together and that somewhere along the line we took that love for granted. Cant this just be a big wake up call to us both? I just dont think I can walk away from this one, im trying but it litterally consumes me 24/7. I have broken things off with her, I wouldnt even consider getting back with her unless she has proven that this thing with him is done and that she is herself again. She's a great girl who I think just freaked out and got scared, ive talked with a lot of women who could shed some light on the subject and help me understand. If you listen to yourself talk you know you're talking a bunch of love lorn nonsense? You guys are meant to be? Really? If you love someone, you don't WILFULLY pick up a phone and text/talk to another person if you know they are interested in you. If you are in love, you don't kiss someone else and have sex with them...even on your part you went and had sex with someone else, just to hurt her and she did the same to you. this relationship is not based on love but it's based on insecurity and trying to one-up each other in order for the other to gain some sort of power footing in the relationship. Will you miraculously trust her when she forgets to call one night or her phone is off? When she leaves her phone in plain sight, if your first instinct is to look up her messages then the relationship is doomed. This relationship is doomed my friend, you think its love but its not, it's convenience and that's sad.
americanstreamer Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 You have enough evidence to get her out of your life. Just do it.
DonnyWhoLovedBowling Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I have to agree with everyone else in this thread. I have a zero tolerance policy with cheating. Even a kiss is too much.. but the sex, repeated lying about it, fact this guy is in her life (and she doesn't seem to be too anxious to do something about it).. Its hard to walk away from someone you love.. but it seems like that's what you should probably do.
Curious-One Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 you are only 21 for christ sake.. go out have fun have sex with different girls enjoy your life. No you are not ment to be together... reason why you guys are doing this is because you are curious about other people. You want to experience different people , more relationships etc etc. This will not work brake it off and persue other girls..
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