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People who think other people are interested in them for the dumbest reasons

loverofloveandstuff

By loverofloveandstuff
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loverofloveandstuff Established Member

loverofloveandstuff

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My favorite part of this thread is when the OP told Somedude that he shouldn't flatter himself and wasn't the sole inspiration for this thread... (c'mon)...(he was)

um... yeah, actually he wasn't. Said I wasn't going to the name specific threads but what the hell.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t250848/

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loverofloveandstuff Established Member

loverofloveandstuff

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The mans natural instinct is to pursue women and try to sleep with them. The woman needs to understand that and put the breaks on the situation before it becomes too complicated.
I dunno. I don't really agree with this. Women who act cold towards men when they think men are attracted to them often get labelled as a bitch, or up themselves, or something along those lines. Sometimes the guy isn't even into her.

 

Stage 3 is the danger zone as it can be hard to tell if somebody is being really nice or if they may be flirting.
Yeah, I agree. I'm guessing the girl from your dance class was demonstrating this stage. As such, I don't really see the need for you to call her ****ing bitch. Or whatever it is you called her. As far as we know, her intent was not to lead you on and it's not her fault that you misread her.

 

Most people are at level 2 with people they casually know. When a girl is being nicer/more interested that just about every other girl, they guy takes it as a sign.
This is true. I guess some guys just don't get a lot of attention so when they do get the slightest bit, they get excited. (think I've just repeated what somebody else said)

 

If I'm standing by myself and a girl walks over to me, gives me a big smile, touches me on my arm and lets it linger, then takes my hand and pulls me somewhere; that's much more than stage 2.
Given that you were in a salsa class, I don't see how any of this is flirting. Yeah dude, she she had to touch you, you guys are dance partners for crying out loud.
Green Established Member

Green

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um... yeah, actually he wasn't. Said I wasn't going to the name specific threads but what the hell.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t250848/

 

That guy was describing a scenario and then asking what other people thought of it and then you pretty much attacked him for it. Why are you attacking people on here does it make you feel good?

Left in a Lurch Established Member

Left in a Lurch

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I am not trying to lead any of you (only the lookers, haha) on.

 

There is the reason.

 

You expect a guy to somehow KNOW, when he meets a girl, whether or not she considers him a "looker" inside her head.

 

So if in your mind you find him attractive, you are trying to lead him on. If not, you are not trying to lead him on. Yet the guy is not inside your head and will have no way of knowing if you find him attractive or not.

 

And don't try to say the "haha" means you really didn't mean "(only the lookers...), because that is exactly what you meant. :p

Green Established Member

Green

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There is the reason.

 

You expect a guy to somehow KNOW, when he meets a girl, whether or not she considers him a "looker" inside her head.

 

So if in your mind you find him attractive, you are trying to lead him on. If not, you are not trying to lead him on. Yet the guy is not inside your head and will have no way of knowing if you find him attractive or not.

 

And don't try to say the "haha" means you really didn't mean "(only the lookers...), because that is exactly what you meant. :p

 

Getting emotional over whether a girl likes you or not will only hurt your chances.... BUT as a man thinking women are interested in you for even "dumb" reasons as the OP puts it will actualy help you.

 

If a guy goes around thinking every girl likes him and isn't over emotional about the outcome he will actualy be rewarded.

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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I dunno. I don't really agree with this. Women who act cold towards men when they think men are attracted to them often get labelled as a bitch, or up themselves, or something along those lines. Sometimes the guy isn't even into her.

A girl doesn't have to act cold when she thinks a guy is into her and doesn't want things to become complicated. But it can help get the point across.

 

Just make sure the guy knows that you want to stay just as friends. If possible, avoid anything that can be seen as a "date" activity.

Yeah, I agree. I'm guessing the girl from your dance class was demonstrating this stage. As such, I don't really see the need for you to call her ****ing bitch. Or whatever it is you called her. As far as we know, her intent was not to lead you on and it's not her fault that you misread her.

If it wasn't obvious, my anger was not directed at her but at myself. I have been very frustrated for a while now. Also I only called her a bitch, when I was talking to her I didn't react at all.

 

Thankfully she didn't show up to class today cause I really want to avoid her from now on.

This is true. I guess some guys just don't get a lot of attention so when they do get the slightest bit, they get excited. (think I've just repeated what somebody else said)

Yup. It applies perfectly to me.

Given that you were in a salsa class, I don't see how any of this is flirting. Yeah dude, she she had to touch you, you guys are dance partners for crying out loud.

I judge her actions based upon how other girls interact with me. No other girl in that class, heck even in all my other classes were as friendly as she was. Not even close. Her behavior was not what my perceived norm is, so I interpreted it as flirting.

If a guy goes around thinking every girl likes him and isn't over emotional about the outcome he will actually be rewarded.

I've heard that before.

 

I can also see how it will lead to more success. It's easier to ask out a girl when you think she likes you. If you naturally think that lots of girls like you, then you'll ask out a lot of girls and have a higher chance of getting lucky.

 

If you think no girls like you. Then you don't ask out anybody.

Edited by somedude81
Surrealist Established Member

Surrealist

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That's a very male perspective though. Girls tend to cuddle their friends, talk to them for hours on the phone, meet them for lunch or coffee, give them little gifts like friendship bracelets, swap presents at Christmas... men tend not to do these things. So when a woman treats a man like she treats her girlfriends, the man interprets it as her being interested in him.

 

I would always tend to assume that I'm just friends with someone unless we've explicitly said otherwise, or unless we've kissed or something. If we've spent time alone together and we haven't kissed, we're just friends. Men seem to see things the opposite way: they think there's relationship potential unless it's explicitly been ruled out. From the female perspective, a relationship is ruled out by default unless stated otherwise.

 

I'm exactly the same way, in that I don't act on women's seeming flirts (or not).

 

But for those guys who interpret those things you listed as 'potential interest' I think it is being unreasonable to say that these men are desperate and interpreting even the smallest of attention as a flirt. Does it really warrant a post or thread on LS where the guy mistakenly interpreted what is rather extensive attention (friendly as it may be) as a sign of interest and then acted on it?

 

Guys are apparently the ones who traditionally are meant to initiate courtship and so on, and in this instace when one does, he's suddenly being labeled desperate. Then we also wonder why we hear women complain (and I've seen this on other blogs) about men not making the first move and so on. I don't blame them (since I don't either) if when they do, they get criticised or mocked for doing so, all because they merely mistakened a series of gestures and 'friendly' attention as a sign of interest. From the male perspective, at least the guy made an attempt, and there is absolutely no shame in that regardless of the outcome - though you may disagree?

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loverofloveandstuff Established Member

loverofloveandstuff

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That guy was describing a scenario and then asking what other people thought of it and then you pretty much attacked him for it. Why are you attacking people on here does it make you feel good?

 

It's pretty obvious that he was implying he thought she was attracted to him. I'm not going to lie to people to make them feel good. LS, imo, is about giving advice that you think is actually helpful...(obviously also about seeking advice). I thought that was helpful. Tough love.

 

Mate, what is your issue? I haven't attacked anyone on here in the slightest so chill the eff out. It's a forum, I'm entitled to my opinion and you're entitled to yours.

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loverofloveandstuff Established Member

loverofloveandstuff

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There is the reason.

 

You expect a guy to somehow KNOW, when he meets a girl, whether or not she considers him a "looker" inside her head.

 

So if in your mind you find him attractive, you are trying to lead him on. If not, you are not trying to lead him on. Yet the guy is not inside your head and will have no way of knowing if you find him attractive or not.

 

And don't try to say the "haha" means you really didn't mean "(only the lookers...), because that is exactly what you meant. :p

 

lol, it was mostly a joke, with some truth though. I don't want (or try) to lead on every single guy on that I find attractive, but I wouldn't mind if a guy I did find attractive showed interest in me. Then I might begin to be interested in them.

 

When I AM genuinely interested in a guy, I am more flirtatious and touchy. And often our topics of conversation are more sexual.

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loverofloveandstuff Established Member

loverofloveandstuff

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A girl doesn't have to act cold when she thinks a guy is into her and doesn't want things to become complicated. But it can help get the point across.
Okay, well I think a lot of girls feel like they do have to so guys aren't lead on. That's why I think there are so many girls at clubs and bars that come across as uptight bitches. They just have their guard up. Ofcourse some of them really are uptight bitches. :p
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loverofloveandstuff Established Member

loverofloveandstuff

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Guys are apparently the ones who traditionally are meant to initiate courtship and so on, and in this instace when one does, he's suddenly being labeled desperate. Then we also wonder why we hear women complain (and I've seen this on other blogs) about men not making the first move and so on. I don't blame them (since I don't either) if when they do, they get criticised or mocked for doing so, all because they merely mistakened a series of gestures and 'friendly' attention as a sign of interest. From the male perspective, at least the guy made an attempt, and there is absolutely no shame in that regardless of the outcome - though you may disagree?

 

I don't disagree with this at all. It's more of an attitude thing that I find irritating. A lot of guys don't gracefully accept rejection. It's more like, oh how/why would she reject me. The bitch lead me on by doing this and this and this.

Green Established Member

Green

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I don't disagree with this at all. It's more of an attitude thing that I find irritating. A lot of guys don't gracefully accept rejection. It's more like, oh how/why would she reject me. The bitch lead me on by doing this and this and this.

 

Once again why I think this thread is about Sumdude not that it matters. Really I agree that guys just need to accept rejection and no reason getting bothered by it... but the way you go about judging anoys me.

Surrealist Established Member

Surrealist

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I don't disagree with this at all. It's more of an attitude thing that I find irritating. A lot of guys don't gracefully accept rejection. It's more like, oh how/why would she reject me. The bitch lead me on by doing this and this and this.

 

Yeah I actually don't query your posts on here as I can understand your point of views, at least from what I read on here. Just the other poster above I think she is taking it to a different level where there is a lot more ambiguous attention and then bites at any guy who mistakens the attention as a sign of interest. I know its just a hypothetical but seems overly judgmental and mocking imo.

OceanGirl Established Member

OceanGirl

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I generally think that having 1-1 lunches and dinners with person of the opposite sex is a bit weird, especially when you have a sense that the other person is romantically interested. I don't really spend 1-1 time with male friends unless I am attracted to them.

 

I had a lunch few times with my married co-worker recently. It was all innocent but I am not really comfortable to keep doing it as topics we talked about seemed a bit too personal. I worry that it is sending him the wrong message. He also called me a few times to chat out of work hours and goes out of his way to talk to me at work so it's a bit :S

He doesn't touch me or talk about sex but he does look at me a lot and checks me out... This is the type of situation that I am not sure if he is just being friendly and nice or if he has a bit of a crush.

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