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People who think other people are interested in them for the dumbest reasons

loverofloveandstuff

By loverofloveandstuff
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loverofloveandstuff Established Member

loverofloveandstuff

Posted
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I know women are guilty of the same thing, but I am speaking from a lady's perspective so this is going to be directed at men.

 

There have been so many threads made by guys, complaining that girls have been leading them on. I'm sure this is true some of the time. But a lot of the time, I am going to bet these girls are just being friendly...

 

I am not going to quote particular threads, but asking why a woman wants to know about your life, chats a lot to you, smiles and makes eye contact when you guys talk... b1tches PLEASE. This is normal friendly behaviour. This does not mean the girl is flirting with you or 'leading you on.' Stop reading into things that mean nothing.

 

I smile a lot. It's part of my job to walk around smiling and making small talk with people... so yes, it has become a habit. I am not trying to lead any of you (only the lookers, haha) on. So please, stop blabbing on about how some girl shot you an ear to ear smile and you were therefore totally surprised when she declined to go on a date with you.

 

Just in case you didn't realise, asking how somebody is, what they are doing on the weekend and anything of the like, is normal. This is NORMAL conversation - (this is related to a very recent thread). Automatically assuming that somebody is flirting with you because they make conversation with you is pathetic. Come on guys, use your heads; doesn't mean she wants to have your babies.

welikeincrowds Established Member

welikeincrowds

Posted
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I know men are guilty of the same thing, but I am speaking from a gentleman's perspective so this is going to be directed at women.

 

There have been so many threads made by girls, complaining that guys have been ignoring them. I'm sure this is true some of the time. But a lot of the time, I am going to bet these guys are just being dense...

 

I am not going to quote particular threads, but asking why he doesn't get the hint when you ask him about his life, chat a lot with him, smile and make eye contact when you guys talk... b1tches PLEASE. This is normal oblivious behaviour. This does not mean the guy is ignoring you or 'not interested.' Stop reading into things that mean nothing.

 

I don't pay attention a lot. It's part of my job to walk around thinking about myself and all the stuff I have to do... so yes, it has become a habit. I am not trying to shut any of you (only the fuggos, haha) out. So please, stop blabbing on about how some guy nodded and said "uh-huh, oh yeah, right" a bunch of times while you were talking and you were therefore totally surprised when he hasn't asked to go on a date with you.

 

Just in case you didn't realise, missing clues, not really paying attention to the conversation and carrying on like you are, is normal. This is NORMAL oblivious behavior - (this is related to a very recent thread). Automatically assuming that somebody is ignoring you because they haven't picked up on your subtle signals is pathetic. Come on girls, use your heads; doesn't mean he wants to have another thread complaining about gender tropes.

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loverofloveandstuff Established Member

loverofloveandstuff

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hahaha. that's gold.

MrNate Established Member

MrNate

Posted
Posted
I know men are guilty of the same thing, but I am speaking from a gentleman's perspective so this is going to be directed at women.

 

There have been so many threads made by girls, complaining that guys have been ignoring them. I'm sure this is true some of the time. But a lot of the time, I am going to bet these guys are just being dense...

 

I am not going to quote particular threads, but asking why he doesn't get the hint when you ask him about his life, chat a lot with him, smile and make eye contact when you guys talk... b1tches PLEASE. This is normal oblivious behaviour. This does not mean the guy is ignoring you or 'not interested.' Stop reading into things that mean nothing.

 

I don't pay attention a lot. It's part of my job to walk around thinking about myself and all the stuff I have to do... so yes, it has become a habit. I am not trying to shut any of you (only the fuggos, haha) out. So please, stop blabbing on about how some guy nodded and said "uh-huh, oh yeah, right" a bunch of times while you were talking and you were therefore totally surprised when he hasn't asked to go on a date with you.

 

Just in case you didn't realise, missing clues, not really paying attention to the conversation and carrying on like you are, is normal. This is NORMAL oblivious behavior - (this is related to a very recent thread). Automatically assuming that somebody is ignoring you because they haven't picked up on your subtle signals is pathetic. Come on girls, use your heads; doesn't mean he wants to have another thread complaining about gender tropes.

 

Amen.

 

End thread.

 

The last thing we need is another male/female shou tout to the opposite gender.

Titania22 Established Member

Titania22

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I think an important point has been brought up here. The girls who behave in a subtle way, need to be more obvious to get their interest across. And the guys need to wait for more obvious signalling from girls. I think if we could all get a handle on this, dating would be much easier on everyone.

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loverofloveandstuff Established Member

loverofloveandstuff

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I don't pay attention a lot. It's part of my job to walk around thinking about myself and all the stuff I have to do... so yes, it has become a habit. I am not trying to shut any of you (only the fuggos, haha) out.

 

This is so lolworthy. :laugh:

 

But yes, agreed with Titania.

Feelin Frisky Established Member

Feelin Frisky

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I can't recall too many men "complaining" about this. I do however see a lot of threads where guys ask if we think someone is interested in them because they've gotten something other than disinterest or hostility.

 

Personally I make it a policy to just see friendliness in the public domain as something usually innocuous. I don't let myself get turned around by it. I often wish people were more friendly and outgoing--taking pleasantries the wrong way and responding in ways that make the initiator uncomfortable would tend to defeat the more perfect world I wish we lived in. A lot of women are either led to believe that they should not interact with guys they don't know or draw conclusions that all men will act the same way and get deluded that she is interested if she is sociable. It's too bad for all of us who just would like to be as pleasant as possible to our contemporaries and feel something similar in return. I guess there's no sign we can wear that says we're just "nice".

Titania22 Established Member

Titania22

Posted
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I can't recall too many men "complaining" about this. I do however see a lot of threads where guys ask if we think someone is interested in them because they've gotten something other than disinterest or hostility.

 

Personally I make it a policy to just see friendliness in the public domain as something usually innocuous. I don't let myself get turned around by it. I often wish people were more friendly and outgoing--taking pleasantries the wrong way and responding in ways that make the initiator uncomfortable would tend to defeat the more perfect world I wish we lived in. A lot of women are either led to believe that they should not interact with guys they don't know or draw conclusions that all men will act the same way and get deluded that she is interested if she is sociable. It's too bad for all of us who just would like to be as pleasant as possible to our contemporaries and feel something similar in return. I guess there's no sign we can wear that says we're just "nice".

 

 

I agree with this in such a big way, because I am a genuinely friendly person and I like to have male and female friends. And it is disappointing for me that most male friends sooner or later, will attempt to make it more. So I can understand why some women avoid being friendly to men. In my case I have decided to just be me, if some people read something more to my general friendly manner, then those people get cut off, and I continue to have friendships with people who see it for what it is, innocent friendship nothing more.

 

Actually WongFuProductions sell nice guy and nice girl t shirts. Maybe that could be the sign.

Surrealist Established Member

Surrealist

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I have found the exact same thing happen and have ended up having a few women who I had absolutely no interest in, ogling me to the point of sexual harrassment (that was defined by a human resources officer when I described my encounter). Now I have made a couple of jerk posts about this, just being silly, but I say honestly and unapologetcally , it ****s me to tears. I can understand if a woman feels the exact same way.

 

I, by default, tend to err on the side of 'she's just being friendly' for safe measure. That way you don't interpret, or worse, act on, signals that you think are flirtations and end up making either an idiot of yourself or creating an awkward situation, especially if it is a work situation for example.

 

Having said that though, I am pretty certain that a few of the women I have been attracted to were actually flirting with me, and I still did nothing to act on it, only to be enemy zoned for no reason. And before anyone starts with thinking I have offended these people, i do not get in women's faces or otherwise treat them condescendingly or patronising or otherwise, so there should be no reason why I have experienced such hostility from women who are otherwise seemingly flirtatious? I have smiley eyes that I note women 'seem' to like.

 

Now these women may be just being friendly and it all means nothing more. Fair enough, like I said, I never act on it anyway the thing is though I haven't really been on any dates, so I could be cutting myself short, though some here may disagree.

Titania22 Established Member

Titania22

Posted
Posted
I have found the exact same thing happen and have ended up having a few women who I had absolutely no interest in, ogling me to the point of sexual harrassment

 

 

I believe it. I had a male friend a few years back, who gave me the talk at the start of the friendship, 'not to get any ideas, it's just friendship'. Which to my mind was awesome, as I didn't have to worry about him making it into more. But when I agreed 'it was fine just being friends, no problem'. He said, 'women always say that, but eventually they always want sex'. I assured him he had nothing to worry about with me, and he became the best male friends I ever had.

 

The point is, I get it. I totally believe it happened both ways.

Surrealist Established Member

Surrealist

Posted
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Funny you mention that. I recall about 13 years ago a woman around my age, who was reasonably attractive, told me similarly that she wasn't interested and so on. Was funny though somewhat offensive, because I honestly had no interest in her anyway lol. She must of thought I liked her when I didn't.

Titania22 Established Member

Titania22

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In my case I wasn't offended, I was relieved, and a little amused.

OceanGirl Established Member

OceanGirl

Posted
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I have found the exact same thing happen and have ended up having a few women who I had absolutely no interest in, ogling me to the point of sexual harrassment (that was defined by a human resources officer when I described my encounter). Now I have made a couple of jerk posts about this, just being silly, but I say honestly and unapologetcally , it ****s me to tears. I can understand if a woman feels the exact same way.

 

I, by default, tend to err on the side of 'she's just being friendly' for safe measure. That way you don't interpret, or worse, act on, signals that you think are flirtations and end up making either an idiot of yourself or creating an awkward situation, especially if it is a work situation for example.

 

Having said that though, I am pretty certain that a few of the women I have been attracted to were actually flirting with me, and I still did nothing to act on it, only to be enemy zoned for no reason. And before anyone starts with thinking I have offended these people, i do not get in women's faces or otherwise treat them condescendingly or patronising or otherwise, so there should be no reason why I have experienced such hostility from women who are otherwise seemingly flirtatious? I have smiley eyes that I note women 'seem' to like.

 

Now these women may be just being friendly and it all means nothing more. Fair enough, like I said, I never act on it anyway the thing is though I haven't really been on any dates, so I could be cutting myself short, though some here may disagree.

 

Who can blame them :laugh:;)

BentSpine Established Member

BentSpine

Posted
Posted

The very definition of flirting ensures that it's ambiguous, clearly polite but still possible to backtrack without loosing face if the other party doesn't reciprocate. Flirting is not and will never be a certain signal of interest. Therefore women will never stop being approached by men who, after a polite exchange, decides to find out. Case closed?

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loverofloveandstuff Established Member

loverofloveandstuff

Posted
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Case closed?

Um, yeah no. :rolleyes:

 

This is not just about women. This is about men and women who think that other men and women are interested in them based on nothing. These men and women often then complain when other men and women reject them because they believe they were being 'lead on.'

 

Some people cannot understand social cues and need to try harder instead of wishfully thinking imo.

 

EDIT: By the way, this isn't a case, so you haven't won it, nor is there a need to close it.

Edited by loverofloveandstuff
green_tea Established Member

green_tea

Posted
Posted
I have found the exact same thing happen and have ended up having a few women who I had absolutely no interest in, ogling me to the point of sexual harrassment (that was defined by a human resources officer when I described my encounter).

 

I never heard of a man complaining about being ogled before. You must be a very attractive man.

Eeyore79 Established Member

Eeyore79

Posted
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I once had a close male friend who was totally shocked when I declined to date him, because apparently I had been flirting and leading him on for months!

 

I don't think I did anything that could be seen as flirting - I didn't do anything that I wouldn't have done with a female friend. We chatted and had deep conversations, we met up for coffee and I sometimes brought cake to share, we had lunch together occasionally, I gave him some chocolates at Christmas, etc. For a while I had a bf, and I was always trying to set him up on dates with other women.

 

I'm not really sure where he got the idea that I might be interested in more than friendship. I never mentioned anything about him being attractive (he wasn't), I was never cheeky or sexy, I didn't touch him in a flirtatious way or give out flirtatious body language, I didn't maintain eye contact any longer than was polite, I never kissed him (not even on the cheek). I was merely friendly because I liked him as a person and enjoyed hanging out as friends.

 

I'm still not sure who was at fault - whether he was reading to much into my friendship, or whether I was too friendly. Where do you draw the line between friendship and flirtation anyway?

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loverofloveandstuff Established Member

loverofloveandstuff

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I never heard of a man complaining about being ogled before. You must be a very attractive man.

 

It's really not that uncommon. I know many attractive men who get annoyed by girls they don't find the least appealing ogling/stalking/being obsessed with them.

BentSpine Established Member

BentSpine

Posted
Posted
EDIT: By the way, this isn't a case, so you haven't won it, nor is there a need to close it.
It was a figure of speech and no winner or loser was ever intended. That would the same as devaluing a younger, differently opionated, me.
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loverofloveandstuff Established Member

loverofloveandstuff

Posted
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Posted
It was a figure of speech and no winner or loser was ever intended. That would the same as devaluing a younger, differently opionated, me.

 

I know it's a figure of speech. I just found what you wrote kind of patronizing. I'm touchy today, don't mind me.

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loverofloveandstuff Established Member

loverofloveandstuff

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Where do you draw the line between friendship and flirtation anyway?

I don't know tbh. I think most people can naturally pick up on when others are being flirtatious or showing interest as opposed to being friendly. But obviously, there are still many who cannot.

 

I would also like an answer to this.. can anybody can clarify the difference between the two in written terms?

counterman Established Member

counterman

Posted
Posted

One of my friends put it nicely "It's not flirting; it's called having a conversation with the opposite sex".

 

In saying that, and I hope you take my opinion with a grain of salt, my ex-girlfriend use to "flirt" with one of my former friends... It's all friendly and so on, and I didn't pay much to it but I sort of knew their intentions. I think that's what it comes down to, intent. Problem is you don't know what the other person's intentions are.

 

Some of the teasing I do can be seen as flirting and that explains why some girls have ended up liking me (and thought I liked them).

GoodOnPaper Established Member

GoodOnPaper

Posted
Posted
Just in case you didn't realise, asking how somebody is, what they are doing on the weekend and anything of the like, is normal. This is NORMAL conversation - (this is related to a very recent thread). Automatically assuming that somebody is flirting with you because they make conversation with you is pathetic. Come on guys, use your heads; doesn't mean she wants to have your babies.

 

Cut the guys some slack. We're not all born knowing the finer nuances of flirting vs. friendly conversation. While on rare occasion, there might be those with violent overreactions, most of the time this happens with younger guys who are simply trying to navigate the attraction/dating learning curve. The age 16-25 years can be VERY rough on guys who aren't in the upper echelon of looks/charisma. With time and/or experience, most of these guys will figure out who they are and things will work out.

dispatch3d Established Member

dispatch3d

Posted
Posted
I once had a close male friend who was totally shocked when I declined to date him, because apparently I had been flirting and leading him on for months!

 

I don't think I did anything that could be seen as flirting - I didn't do anything that I wouldn't have done with a female friend. We chatted and had deep conversations, we met up for coffee and I sometimes brought cake to share, we had lunch together occasionally, I gave him some chocolates at Christmas, etc. For a while I had a bf, and I was always trying to set him up on dates with other women.

 

I'm not really sure where he got the idea that I might be interested in more than friendship. I never mentioned anything about him being attractive (he wasn't), I was never cheeky or sexy, I didn't touch him in a flirtatious way or give out flirtatious body language, I didn't maintain eye contact any longer than was polite, I never kissed him (not even on the cheek). I was merely friendly because I liked him as a person and enjoyed hanging out as friends.

 

I'm still not sure who was at fault - whether he was reading to much into my friendship, or whether I was too friendly. Where do you draw the line between friendship and flirtation anyway?

 

chocolate at christmas? Uhh its your fault.

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