Flugangst Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 On Thursday the 21st my boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me. I am sad, of course...But I'm not thoroughly convinced that he thinks it was the right thing to do. Or that he's even sure of what he wants right now. He told me that he does love me, that he cares about me, but that he is not IN love with me anymore; That the "spark" is gone. He told me he's been feeling this way for the last 2 months. Now, In the last two months our rent went up, I found out I was 4 months pregnant, I then miscarried september 14th, and then the 28th of September we had to move out of our apartment that we had together. The last three months we were together, we were living check by check, trying to keep our place. Thus, leaving us with no money to do anything together anymore.(I'm saying that I need people to spend money on me for me to be happy, but honestly, watching Tv and playing video games was getting very boring!) Everything ended up being about money near the end; Not enough, or accidentally over spending, etc etc before we lost our place, the miscarriage etc etc I ended up moving back in with my parents and he back in with his father and step mother; His father is charging him 300 a month in rent. He's working 3 jobs. He's under a lot of stress! It's been very discouraging, having to start back at square one. He assured me that it has nothing to do with me, it was nothing I did or said. That it wasn't the fact that I didn't do enough of something. He said that he was still attracted to me. He said that he still wanted me in his life (friends) He still wants to go out, go see movies, go have dinner together, ect, ect. But as friends, not as a couple. and he told me that there was "definitely nobody else." He never told me that he didn't want to be with me anymore either! He told me that he was very happy being with me...(This is why I'm so confused!) He begged me to not be angry with him or resent him for it; The "break up", I mean. I'm a bit confused, is all. I am grateful that he still wants me around, that he's not shutting me out of his life. But, this sounds more like a break, not a break up. (I'm praying it is!) All he said was that "only time will tell." What's your opinion on my situation? How can I win his heart back? Fix the spark, rekindle the flame? Is he testing me...? Is this a break or a break up? Honestly, right now, I think he's in denial and full of crap. He said that he had thought about it and felt that he was in no way depressed. Like I said, I think he's in denial and full of it right now. I'm hoping it's just a phase that he's going through from all of the stresses we've gone through in the past couple months. I know that all I can do is just cherish our friendship for now and not do anything that will permanently push him away. We were a beautiful and loving couple; the relationship is DEFINITELY worth saving, and I know he feels the same way, but I need some help, some advice. I know I can't make him fall in love with me, and that this is going to take patience and yes, time. Any advice and opinions would be greatly appreciated!
SunsetRed Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 WOW! You poor thing! You've been through so much! I'm very sorry about your miscarriage. I had one myself years ago and it can be very devastating. That combined with the financial issues you and your bf have had to deal with sounds like too much to bear. There may be hope for your relationship with your bf. You didn't say how old you and he are, but esp if you're young, then having all these events happen at once would be stressful on anyone. I think your bf should work on examining and dealing with his feelings better, but at the same time, what is happening now is a learning exp for both of you. It sounds like he does care for you and he wants you in his life, but maybe he just needs some time to process everything that has happened to you guys. Cut him some slack and see how he treats you over the next few months. Like I said, these trials are a learning exp for both of you and hopefully he will develop some maturity and be able to handle any future crisis you have in a better manner. Good Luck and God Bless
Els Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Firstly, I think your bf's dad is an ass. Seriously. Any parent should be willing to take in a child for emergency, short-term reasons without charging them rent and forcing them to work 3 jobs for it. Secondly, I'm really not sure - seems like he put you in a tough situation. Even if he were to take you back, would you be able to move forward and past this, or would you be worrying how he would react to any future problems that you face together? If it's the former, you could take the advice above and wait. If the latter, you might possibly want to reconsider the relationship.
strength-abounds Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 For starters, I am deeply sorry to hear about the miscarriage. You have my deepest sympathies. Secondly, IMO anytime a member of a relationship uses the "I love you but not IN love you" cop-out, there is someone else. My opinion. Go NC and move one. It will help you heal and focus on what YOU want out of life. Good luck and God speed.
Author Flugangst Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 WOW! You poor thing! You've been through so much! I'm very sorry about your miscarriage. I had one myself years ago and it can be very devastating. That combined with the financial issues you and your bf have had to deal with sounds like too much to bear. There may be hope for your relationship with your bf. You didn't say how old you and he are, but esp if you're young, then having all these events happen at once would be stressful on anyone. I think your bf should work on examining and dealing with his feelings better, but at the same time, what is happening now is a learning exp for both of you. It sounds like he does care for you and he wants you in his life, but maybe he just needs some time to process everything that has happened to you guys. Cut him some slack and see how he treats you over the next few months. Like I said, these trials are a learning exp for both of you and hopefully he will develop some maturity and be able to handle any future crisis you have in a better manner. Good Luck and God Bless Thanks a bunch. I have so much hope inside of me that this is just a "breather", you know? He's my world...My sunshine...My everything. I really hope this is just a phase he's going through!
Recommended Posts