Taking the high road of NC...

[Fizzle]

Hello all,

This is my first post on these forums after reading through many threads. I'm 19 and a fool in love. And I apologize in advance for the wall of text.

 

Basically, I dated a girl for over a year that I developed deep emotional thoughts for her. I truly believe she taught me how to love. I loved her with every bit of my heart that I had.

 

I'll try to keep things short and simple. Basically, our relationship was wonderful in the beginning months due to that burning spark. As some relationships do, ours turned more mellow, and we became more comfortable with each other. I didn't see her as much over the summer as we lived kind of far apart due to summer break from university.

 

I'm not sure what happened, but looking back, I got really clingy and obsessive, and would text her 3-4 times a day just asking her where she was and what she was doing during the summer. Completely obsessive now that I look back, but eh I was stupid, and I honestly didn't realize it until now.

 

Well I think this sort of drove her away from me, and we began to argue a lot more. I was trying my best to be nonconfrontational, but the bickering would always start.

 

Just this past weekend, we went to her fathers house for a date, but she was withdrawn. No cuddling, no romance, hardly any kissing (unusual for us)... I thought she was just moody due to her "woman's days". But even so, it seemed a bit extreme, so I asked her what was wrong.

 

She gave me this whole speech about being unhappy with life, with herself, and with our relationship. She claimed her unhappiness towards our relationship was due to our constant bickering and the fact that we were so "different" from each other. I asked what she wanted to do, and she didn't say anything. She never once mentioned a "break", but I sort of initiated it because I felt she needed some time to think, some space for herself.

 

So now we're on a "break" - whatever that means. I sort of suggested it, but I feel like she would have done so eventually, she just knew it would hurt me and she didn't have the guts to do it. So of course, I'm giving her space. I wasn't even going to treat it as a break, I was just gonna lay off the obsessive contacting that I usually smothered her with. But she's gone all out - avoids me, broke up with me on FB (oh no, it's not facebook official! lol), etc.

 

My question to you folks is whether my situation is salvageable? I've pledged a strict NC rule, but I have to break it in two weeks time because she is taking care of my pet while I go see my brother who is on leave with the military. I have no other options, she's the only one familiar with the dog and who is dog friendly.

 

I'm not sure how I should approach this inevitable meeting in two weeks. I want to get back with her, but I'm not sure if she still wants me. I've gone no-contact, but there were no boundaries defined... no set time limit (wish we had agreed on something but alas). It's driving me insane, and I'm worried I won't have the willpower to keep to the high road. Most people say that she will need to initiate the contact, but she is stubborn and I feel if I don't say anything or act soon, she'll move on and forget about me.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, and I will return the favour if I can with my limited dating experiences

-Fizzle

[Fizzle]

Not sure why, but I can't edit this.

 

Anyways, I wanted to just provide a summary for those that didn't feel like reading the entire thing:

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Quick summary:

 

Dated this girl for a year, loved her, we were passionate. Passion sorta dwindled as time went on, started bickering more, both of our faults. We had differences, but we worked around them. I saw her less the past few months due to school + distance. I also became more clingy + obsessive (I only realize this now). She became distant the past week or so, I asked her what's wrong and she said she was unhappy with everything in life, including our relationship. I suggested we take a break so she could sort out her life, but didn't specify any conditions (damnit). She agreed. We've been on NC for like a week now.

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That's basically all there is to it. I still love love her, but I'm not going to kill myself over it waiting in limbo for her to decide what she wants. I tried texting her the day after we started our "break" asking if we could talk - I just wanted to establish some boundaries for the break, just to figure out how long it'd last. She messages me back saying, "I want to be left alone. I want to be alone".

 

Since then, I've given her space. She's on her "woman's days" so it may have something to do with that at the moment - she gets pretty emotionally flustered during that time of month.

 

Question is:

I have to meet her in 2 weeks. Should I sit in limbo for 2 weeks or try to move on? I suggested the break, but I feel like she's trying to distance herself from me, sorta like a soft-breakup I guess. I'm really tempted to stay strong and move on, but I'd like more opinions I guess... I don't want to lose something that may have more potential out of it (over optimistic, really).

 

Cheers,

[Capital P]

She does not have to take care of your pet dude, thats BS

Get yourself sorted out and stay NC

Girls will only want you once they think you are moving on, because people are selfish like that.

Once you start moving on she will most likely be in contact =.

**** the pet , get someone else to look after it

[bl22]

She does not have to take care of your pet dude, thats BS

Get yourself sorted out and stay NC

Girls will only want you once they think you are moving on, because people are selfish like that.

Once you start moving on she will most likely be in contact =.

**** the pet , get someone else to look after it

 

totally right. go NC, that is the only possible chance you have right now. Any more contact from you and you'll force her away, and you wont get over her. Go NC and work on recovering and thats the only possibility she might miss you.

[Fizzle]

I appreciate your responses. I do believe that NC is the best way to go forward for myself, and I've pledged to not contact her whatsoever until absolutely necessary.

 

Unfortunately, she has to take care of my dog. I live in a city that is still foreign to me, and the majority of my friends live in apartments that are not dog-friendly, or live with families/friends that are not dog-friendly. I'm not using this as an excuse to see her, but she is literally the only person that can take care of him with such short notice. I plan on keeping this meeting extremely short and to the point, but I worry that my emotions might run rampant and I'll lose my cool

[Ajax]

I'd check to see if there are any places you could board the dog. It might cost you some money but it would be worth it not to have the ex take care of it for you.