brainygirl Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I've deactivated all my online dating accounts and am no longer in contact with J, the on again, off again, will not define the relationship guy. Why? Because I know I can do better than him and because it seems like "hims" are the only ones on the sites I use. I may not be what the guys one here think of as date able, but I sure as hell deserve better than how he's treated me. I am not playing the victim, simply stating that if "this" is what's out there, I don't want any. Same goes for random dating site guys who represent themselves to be one way and turn out to be something different and the one or two single guys at work who appear to greatly enjoy holding court with the single women all sitting around trying to out flirt each other. I'm out. Done for now. Gonna focus on my kids and on work and hopefully someone who isn't toothless, unemployed and addicted will stroll into my life. My question is? It is me? Is it where I live? Why the heck can't an attractive, well educated, intelligent woman find a decent guy to even go on a date with?
Cracker Jack Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 It just hasn't happened for you at this point. There can be many reasons (Like the ones you've listed) as for why, but I don't think it's your fault or anything. Sometimes there's no clear-cut reason as to why romance takes so long to work out or even present itself. I know this all too well. I think it's good you're focusing on other things not pertaining to dating, tho. In all likelihood, what you're looking for will likely come around sooner than you think, since the emphasis of your focus is going to be in other areas.
AverageJoe Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I'm out. Done for now. Gonna focus on my kids and on work and hopefully someone who isn't toothless, unemployed and addicted will stroll into my life. Interestihg how you say "stroll" into your life. As if, it is an effortless equation for you somehow and rainbows of joy will fall in your lap. Try to be more realistic. Those storys you were told as a little girl, are just that. Storys. My question is? It is me? Is it where I live? Why the heck can't an attractive, well educated, intelligent woman find a decent guy to even go on a date with? Are you a fit attractive girl in good shape? If not, sorry to say, it is probably you.
Author brainygirl Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 Interestihg how you say "stroll" into your life. As if, it is an effortless equation for you somehow and rainbows of joy will fall in your lap. Try to be more realistic. Those storys you were told as a little girl, are just that. Storys. As in, sometimes when you stop looking for something, it shows up? As in actively seeking has done nothing but lower my self esteem and the cost/benefit has proven too costly with too little benefit. Are you a fit attractive girl in good shape? If not, sorry to say, it is probably you. Because my only value is how I look? You tell me, I have pics up on my profile.
PJKino Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Go after some homely Men you might other wise overlook
Surrealist Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 So you mean that you only attracted toothless, unemployed and addicted men? Did they all just happen to have these traits?
Lucky555 Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Hey it's not only online. It happened to me with a guy whom I first developed a friendship with. He did all what you mentioned I got burned bad. Anyways I'm not dating for a little bit but I hope there are still some good ones left out in the world so far for me it's Been a stuggle. I have never expected anyone to be perfect but so far it's been a bunch of bs. I just am working on a career and knowing that's what matters.
Author brainygirl Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 So you mean that you only attracted toothless, unemployed and addicted men? Did they all just happen to have these traits? Its like those are the only ones in the dating pool. I talked with a guy online, went to meet him, all his teeth black and rotten and he looks ten years older than he claims to be. I live in meth country - those are the signs of a user. No thanks, not going there. Another guy, fun, saw him for a while, he drinks a lot, more than he originally let on and I found out he uses lortabs and codeine relationally, again all other things aside, no thanks. There was weird bi polar guy. There was guy who drove down from KC for our first meet up with an over night bag (he assumed he'd be staying all night). There was business owner guy who could only talk about money and his business and told me I was full of it when I tried to change the subject. There was gun guy who brought an assault rifle along on our first date and who likes to make comments about how I needed punished (hello, not into that) Thinking back two years, not one guy can I say "he was nice, just not for me" they all had these issues.
AverageJoe Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Because my only value is how I look? You tell me, I have pics up on my profile. Well your not fat thats good, but you are not a ten either. What would you exactly have to offer to a guy? You already have kids (that can be a negative or a postive depending on the guy), so things are getting pretty narrowed down here.
Author brainygirl Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 (edited) Well your not fat thats good, but you are not a ten either. What would you exactly have to offer to a guy? You already have kids (that can be a negative or a postive depending on the guy), so things are getting pretty narrowed down here. What do you have to offer a girl? I'm educated and have a career. I support myself. I'm loyal as hell. I'm fun. I'm told I'm great in bed. What the hell more is there other than just loving companionship? Isn't that what we are all looking for? I refuse to spray tan and skin cancer runs in my family, I had a lesion removed when I was nine, so I don't fake bake. Some people were just created pasty. Edited October 27, 2010 by brainygirl forgot something the first time around.
SteveC80 Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 (edited) Water tends to seek its own level the guys who approach you if they seem to have a common theme and are around the same level that is YOUR LEVEL or "league" and the ones rejecting you or not paying attention are clearly above it and feel they can do better Unfortuantely attraction and the mating game isnt a tidy business its cuthtroat and based allot on animal attraction and lust,of course it takes more then that to sustain a relationship but allot of times you need that to start one.Simply being nice and looking for love isnt a automatic key to sucess The ones complaining that its unfair or shallow are usually the ones that dont have that effect on the opposite gender the ones who do are fine with the rules So either accept these guys who approach you because thats where you stand on the mating food chain or be lonely your choice not trying to be mean just realistic,i wish you the best Edited October 27, 2010 by SteveC80
Author brainygirl Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 Water tends to seek its own level the guys who approach you if they seem to have a common theme and are around the same level that is YOUR LEVEL or "league" and the ones rejecting you or not paying attention are clearly above it and feel they can do better Unfortuantely attraction and the mating game isnt a tidy business its cuthtroat and based allot on animal attraction and lust,of course it takes more then that to sustain a relationship but allot of times you need that to start one.Simply being nice and looking for love isnt a automatic key to sucess The ones complaining that its unfair or shallow are usually the ones that dont have that effect on the opposite gender the ones who do are fine with the rules So either accept these guys who approach you because thats where you stand on the mating food chain or be lonely your choice not trying to be mean just realistic,i wish you the best so . . . I deserve a one sided relationship with an alcoholic who uses painkillers to have fun? Or I deserve to be alone for the rest of my life? I hope you get everything you deserve.
SteveC80 Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 so . . . I deserve a one sided relationship with an alcoholic who uses painkillers to have fun? Or I deserve to be alone for the rest of my life? I hope you get everything you deserve. No wonder your single with that attitude I didnt mean bad people settle for i meant looks wise maybe these toothless guys are what you can get I never said you deserve to be alone i said if you dont accept the guys who approach you and wait for the type who dont then prepared to be alone
Author brainygirl Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 No wonder your single with that attitude I didnt mean bad people settle for i meant looks wise maybe these toothless guys are what you can get I never said you deserve to be alone i said if you dont accept the guys who approach you and wait for the type who dont then prepared to be alone So I should date someone who has every outward appearance of having a meth habit? Because if he approached me that must be the best I can do? Do you hear yourself? Would you date a woman you found to be disgusting? Would you go out with a girl who used drugs in front of you after a few dates and thought nothing of making plans and then breaking them at the last minute? Or would you hold out for maybe someone who wasn't disgusting and didn't seem to have serious mental health issues?
colliejoanie Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Average Joe, I've seen your responses to all the women posters out here....including me. You're rude and insensitive. I don't know if you're trying to get a rise, or you're just bitter and lonely.....either way, it's not the spirit of loveshack.org, I don't imagine. It's definitely not what I signed up for.......
Confusedalways Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I've deactivated all my online dating accounts and am no longer in contact with J, the on again, off again, will not define the relationship guy. Why? Because I know I can do better than him and because it seems like "hims" are the only ones on the sites I use. I may not be what the guys one here think of as date able, but I sure as hell deserve better than how he's treated me. I am not playing the victim, simply stating that if "this" is what's out there, I don't want any. Same goes for random dating site guys who represent themselves to be one way and turn out to be something different and the one or two single guys at work who appear to greatly enjoy holding court with the single women all sitting around trying to out flirt each other. I'm out. Done for now. Gonna focus on my kids and on work and hopefully someone who isn't toothless, unemployed and addicted will stroll into my life. My question is? It is me? Is it where I live? Why the heck can't an attractive, well educated, intelligent woman find a decent guy to even go on a date with? I don't think it's you, BG. I read your threads a lot and you seem to have a lot to offer a man (ignore the haters ). I do think you can do better than a lot of the men you've been with. I have no real advice- but I know you mention often how small of a town you're in, and clearly that plays a HUGE factor in the dates (or lack thereof). I know it's probably hard with kids- but isn't there anything fun for you to join not necessary in pursuit of date but just as a side project? Organizations to volunteer for? Meetup.com? Truly I think someone is out there for you, but unfortunately it just seems like you're having to kiss a lot of frogs
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Dear brainygirl, Please just ignore the delusional comments from SteveC80. Evidently he is about 8 feet tall and believes that his height makes up for his lack of any other redeeming or attractive traits, including the ability to write a proper sentence. Let him dream on ...
SteveC80 Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 (edited) So I should date someone who has every outward appearance of having a meth habit? Because if he approached me that must be the best I can do? Do you hear yourself? Would you date a woman you found to be disgusting? Would you go out with a girl who used drugs in front of you after a few dates and thought nothing of making plans and then breaking them at the last minute? Or would you hold out for maybe someone who wasn't disgusting and didn't seem to have serious mental health issues? You're the one complaining about not getting a partner not me,i never had that problem so i never had to think about when to "settle" All im saying is if your that thirsty for love and companionship well your gonna have to think about the available pool of Men to you and if that doesnt interest you then hold out hope one does come and prepared to be alone possibly Edited October 27, 2010 by SteveC80
Surrealist Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Its like those are the only ones in the dating pool. I talked with a guy online, went to meet him, all his teeth black and rotten and he looks ten years older than he claims to be. I live in meth country - those are the signs of a user. No thanks, not going there. Another guy, fun, saw him for a while, he drinks a lot, more than he originally let on and I found out he uses lortabs and codeine relationally, again all other things aside, no thanks. There was weird bi polar guy. There was guy who drove down from KC for our first meet up with an over night bag (he assumed he'd be staying all night). There was business owner guy who could only talk about money and his business and told me I was full of it when I tried to change the subject. There was gun guy who brought an assault rifle along on our first date and who likes to make comments about how I needed punished (hello, not into that) Thinking back two years, not one guy can I say "he was nice, just not for me" they all had these issues. Okay so that's certainly not a good outcome. How small is this town you live in? Like what's the population of the area? I live in a town here in Australia with a population of 330 000, and there's definitely a pool of good looking guys and chicks here even with that relative smallish population.
Green Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 First off I don't do online dating and neither do most of my sucessful good looking friends. Second I would never date a woman with kids. Finaly I don't personaly find you to be that attractive. What I will say is you certainly arn't aiming high if all you want is a man that has a job and teeth so you should be able to do that.
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Its like those are the only ones in the dating pool. I talked with a guy online, went to meet him, all his teeth black and rotten and he looks ten years older than he claims to be. I live in meth country - those are the signs of a user. No thanks, not going there. Another guy, fun, saw him for a while, he drinks a lot, more than he originally let on and I found out he uses lortabs and codeine relationally, again all other things aside, no thanks. There was weird bi polar guy. There was guy who drove down from KC for our first meet up with an over night bag (he assumed he'd be staying all night). There was business owner guy who could only talk about money and his business and told me I was full of it when I tried to change the subject. There was gun guy who brought an assault rifle along on our first date and who likes to make comments about how I needed punished (hello, not into that) Thinking back two years, not one guy can I say "he was nice, just not for me" they all had these issues. It's where you live. No wonder you're fed up.
Author brainygirl Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 Okay so that's certainly not a good outcome. How small is this town you live in? Like what's the population of the area? I live in a town here in Australia with a population of 330 000, and there's definitely a pool of good looking guys and chicks here even with that relative smallish population. population of the town right around 5,000 people. Population of this part of the state, about a two hundred mile radius, 180,000. Not a lot of people.
AverageJoe Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Average Joe, I've seen your responses to all the women posters out here....including me. You're rude and insensitive. I don't know if you're trying to get a rise, or you're just bitter and lonely.....either way, it's not the spirit of loveshack.org, I don't imagine. It's definitely not what I signed up for....... Hi there, I appreciate you taking the time to call me out in this thread, although totally unnecessary. If you read a part of this thread she specifically asked for my opinion, and I gave it. I have also responded to men here as well. Unlike you I do not coddle people or walk around on my tippy toes or believe in being PC. I march to the beat of my own drum and I was far from rude. Im not bitter at all and far from lonely, that seems to be a pejorative some like to throw around here frequently. I am unmarried and live alone. I do what I want when I want as much as I want with whom I want. I have a successful career I enjoy and travel around. What could I possibly have to be bitter about? Its great!! Brainy is a big girl and I am sure she can handle constructive criticism from all angles without her delicate sensibilities being wavered. So for future reference cj if you are that fragile and easlily insulted, ignore me Pardon the interruption. Carry on.
TaurusTerp Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 You can probably find a guy with all his teeth, but your attitude definitely needs work. The guys that responded were certainly insensitive and rude, but you immediately got defensive and ugly in return. Considering how intelligent you hold yourself to be (which sometimes seems condescending, FYI), you should know better than to lash out at random guys on the internet.
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 What do you have to offer a girl? I'm educated and have a career. I support myself. I'm loyal as hell. I'm fun. I'm told I'm great in bed. What the hell more is there other than just loving companionship? Isn't that what we are all looking for? I refuse to spray tan and skin cancer runs in my family, I had a lesion removed when I was nine, so I don't fake bake. Some people were just created pasty. I hear you on the tanning. I'm white as snow and sometimes I think I'm the only living female who hasn't ever been inside a tanning booth. How do you feel about yourself in general? it seems like you have a positive view of yourself which is important. But it seems you feel unattractive. The hairstylist in me can't control herself and begs to ask; have you considered changing something about the way you look? A new haircut or colour or both, done by a professional? Something that would complement your skintone and eye colour? All while bearing in mind that this is NOT aimed at finding and pleasing men, but aimed at helping you see yourself in a new light and give you a bit of a spring to your step. I had a client the other day who had never had a professional cut or colour in her life (!!!) and she basically said "do whatever you want." When she left she practically hopped, skipped, and jumped to her car. Enjoy your break from dating and focusing on your children and work, but take some time to focus on yourself, too.
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