colliejoanie Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 We have a great time together. Because I'm a single mother he often has to drive to my house. I make sure my daughter is bed, so she doesn't know what's going on. We've been on a few dates out in the "real world" and they've been amazing. I actually met his friends this weekend at a hockey game. Then................nothing. I ask him if he wants to come down sometime this week because I feel like grilling steaks...give him my open nights, one of which was Friday. He replies with (via text) "yeah. weekend might be out. might go to vegas. don't know what night i could come down". OK, it's Tuesday. We've texted, and I've made sure he's initiating because I'm getting this feeling he's backing off. No indication that he wants to see me AT ALL this week. Just complete small talk. Yet, he's still initiating the conversation!!!! Is he losing interest, or is he too comfortable? Or am I way off base in worrying? Either way....what do I do? I like him, but I'm too DANG old to play games!!!!!
AverageJoe Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 What the hell is your big damn hurry, what are you in a rush for? Just over a month...a month and you are freaking out.
Author colliejoanie Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 I guess it does look like i'm in a rush......it's just that we've been one way for a month and a half.....ALWAYS talking, ALWAYS texting, ALWAYS making plans to see each other.......and I've felt confident that we felt the same way for each other..........and now......I feel like I'm chasing him. Like I'm waiting for him to contact me. Like a friggin teenager:(. So, I guess just let this run its course, eh??? I just hate this stupid dating game.
AverageJoe Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 and I've felt confident that we felt the same way for each other. You have felt confident, you. Dont assume he feels the same as you. So, I guess just let this run its course, eh??? I just hate this stupid dating game Simply put, yes.
Girlygirl1977 Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 (edited) In my experience, at times like this when you feel he may be backing off and you don't know why - do less. So don't ask him out again. He knows you already did. You can respond but let him find you. Sometimes when it is moving towards serious, a guy can get a little nervous especially if he fears you are being potentially clingy. He is hinting of wanting time with the boys with the vegas trip I think. So just do the hard thing - and wait a bit and see what he comes back with. Edited October 27, 2010 by Girlygirl1977
luvtoto Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Let the man "back off". Just understand that's what men do. Expect it to happen. It's who they are. Don't take his 'backing off' as rejection because it's not. At all. Keep yourself busy, have fun with your friends, don't ask him out anymore. Let him ask you out. Find something else to do. Be patient, and not be in such a hurry. Don't worry. He'll come back if you give him plenty of space. Date other guys...whatever!
Fouts Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 So, I guess just let this run its course, eh??? I'll 3rd this. Take it from a guy's pov joanie. If we're that blase about getting together, we really don't give a crap what you're doing. Time to move on completely.
Anela Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 According to my observation, the older women get the more they become as impatient as teenage boys. LOL I dont know if its because older women are more mature thus less apprehensive. Or its because older women have less options like young men while young women and older men tend to have more options. For me, it's because I've lost a lot of my insecurity with someone, and want to spend more time with them. I had a lot of options when I was younger, but couldn't handle the attention. I preferred to spend time away from all of that.
luvtoto Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 (edited) Maybe, by learning how to better attract men, and not be so easily & readily available to him, she may have better luck. Edited October 27, 2010 by luvtoto
Fouts Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Not sure how old the OP is, but ya, it's true. Once the 30's hit, men are at a huge advantage in the dating/mating game. Maybe it's payback for all of the pining in high school and college to get laid, but whatever the case, once a guy hits his 30's and has his act together, he can pretty much get whatever he wants, all the time.
luvtoto Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Wait. You gave him your "open nights"?!?! Honestly, that sounds a bit clingy. He simply knows he has you. He's bored. You let him into your world way to easily.
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 once a guy hits his 30's and has his act together, he can pretty much get whatever he wants, all the time. I think that's quite an exaggeration. I and most of my friends are in our thirties, and it's still no cakewalk, I can assure you.
welikeincrowds Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Do you have your act together? Do you have a decent career? Do you take care of yourself? Your line of thinking isn't going to take us anywhere. Dating has the remarkable potential to be confusing at any age, under any circumstance.
Fouts Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I think that's quite an exaggeration. I and most of my friends are in our thirties, and it's still no cakewalk, I can assure you. Like Musmaj1 said, do you have your act together? Are you good looking, in great shape, have a pleasant personality? Do you have a solid career, own a home or condo, have plans for the future? Granted, alot of guys in their 30's are as lost as they were when they were 20. But if not, if you're around 35-40's and have all of that going on, women from their 20's, 30's and 40's all want to be with you, it's your choice. The guys I know that fit that description literally lose track of all the women they meet professionally or get networked with through friends.
Fouts Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Your line of thinking isn't going to take us anywhere. Dating has the remarkable potential to be confusing at any age, under any circumstance. It's always confusing and finding the RIGHT one is always a crap shoot. But the opportunities are 10 fold when you're around 40 and bring alot to the table.
valpre Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Wait. You gave him your "open nights"?!?! Honestly, that sounds a bit clingy. He simply knows he has you. He's bored. You let him into your world way to easily. But if he was keen, surely this wouldn't make a difference, he would be happy to make arrangements to see her? I don't know, I'm just wondering if this is something I need to learn too. Does it really make a guy more attracted to a girl if he has to keep wondering where he stands with her? Seems like such a game. Hope it works out for you joanie, it's a horrible feeling when the dynamic starts to change, am going through it myself. Try to focus on other activities/people so that you don't feel like you're waiting around for him.
luvtoto Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Maybe, by learning how to better attract men, and not be so easily & readily available to him, she may have better luck. But if he was keen, surely this wouldn't make a difference, he would be happy to make arrangements to see her? Men don't make a conscious decision as to who they are attracted to. Haven't you ever felt this. The guy was nice. He was everything you wanted, but yet no attraction and no matter how nice the guy was...nothing. But, then the guy walks in that is unavailable & mysterious and we are instantly attracted. She should do the same with this guy. It's not games. It's setting boundaries & putting herself first not him.
valpre Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Men don't make a conscious decision as to who they are attracted to. Haven't you ever felt this. The guy was nice. He was everything you wanted, but yet no attraction and no matter how nice the guy was...nothing. But, then the guy walks in that is unavailable & mysterious and we are instantly attracted. Yea, story of my life unfortunately. But these guys weren't "acting" unavailable, they truly were unavailable. So I wonder if my attraction to them is healthy. She should do the same with this guy. It's not games. It's setting boundaries & putting herself first not him. Point about boundaries and putting yourself first is taken, makes sense.
Jannah Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I think the OP may be uncertain at this point, because of this: Then................nothing. I ask him if he wants to come down sometime this week because I feel like grilling steaks...give him my open nights, one of which was Friday. He replies with (via text) "yeah. weekend might be out. might go to vegas. don't know what night i could come down". OP, when was the last time you two spent time together in person?
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 (edited) Do you have your act together? Do you have a decent career? Do you take care of yourself? Depends what you mean by having my act together. I have a masters, I'm have a reasonably well paid job as a software engineer. I have a naturally athletic body, I'm 181 cm tall, I have olive skin and dark hair, I work out four times a week every week and I'm in better shape than most men I know. I have my own car, rent my own appartment. I love animals and I'm planning on becoming a novelist. Admittedly, there are other men my age who earn more money, have more exciting careers and pastimes and own their own homes etc. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I still reckon I'm a good catch and I do alright with the ladies. Your line of thinking isn't going to take us anywhere. Dating has the remarkable potential to be confusing at any age, under any circumstance. Well said. Whilst it's true that you have more going for you, as a man, when you are in your 30s and beyond, it's certainly not all roses in the dating world. That's what I was contending with, because it's patently not so clear cut. Edited October 27, 2010 by Tim The Enchanter
lenny Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 It could be he's moved past the googly stage to the comfortable stage and your still googly. I'd back off a bit. He didn't say he wasn't coming down, just didn't know what night he could. At first in relationships, you reschedule all your other obligations - especially social - to be with this new person. At some point in time things have to get on an even keel where time is spent with other friends as well. Being pushy could really change things for the worst so I think just back off and let him come to you.
mzdolphin Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I believe it's best to be direct. Sometimes the other person is thinking something totally different. I almost kicked the guy I'm dating to the curve because I thought he wasn't showing interest. Turns out he had been texting me. (I turned off text and don't receive them so he thought I was blowing him off. Three months later, things are moving along well. All I did was be straight with him. I said "look, what's up? I'm not auditioning for anybody. If you want a buddy, I can be that. We're cool. But in the meantime I'm going to go about the business of finding a boyfriend, because that's what I'm looking for." I swear, I put it just like that.
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