Hhhh Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Just curious how many people have ended up becoming friend and had the relationship been successful?
shayan Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 not advised it only works out a small fraction of the time due to neither or one of the people not being over the break up.
Citizen Erased Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I'd imagine most of them come across some difficulty when they get another partner.
reknown29 Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I am dealing with this now. Or was. I just told her that I cant be friends. Listening to her talk about guys shes dating, doing all the cute things that I loved about her. Even if I mentioned someone I was interested in she would get weird and she dumped me. It just doesnt work unless you were friends to begin with or maybe in some rare circumstance. I guess if you weren't that deep about your relationship, it would work.
Coolsbreeze Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I am currently in this situation as well. My ex and I have been broken up for about 6 weeks now. And she's in a new relationship but I feel like I can eventually be friends with her once I get over this obstacle. It's not easy there are times when I think that maybe it would be better if she wasn't in my life anymore but then again I think about how much worse it would be if she wasn't in my life. I just need to approach this situation very carefully if there's any chance of salvaging a friendship with her.
sodapop Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 i'm in a sticky situation right now too. my ldr ex and i broke up about 4 weeks ago, and at first i was trying to just cut off contacts, but that really didn't work well when he ended up hacking into my accounts, calling me numerous times a day and doing a lot of stupid stuff. he kept saying he just can't go cold turkey and not talk to me anymore. at the end of last week i just told him that we can talk, but it has to be really casual, and it seemed fine at first. then yesterday he told me he bought me a gift, and if it's okay to send it over. i mean, wtf, no it's not it's making me feel uncomfortable. i just dont know how to deal with him right now, because if i initiate no contact he always finds a way to contact me, and i really don't want to handle numerous calls and hacked accounts anymore. so yeah, being friends with an ex is quite hard, to say the least.
Capital P Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Ask yourself, why would you want to be friend? This person dumped you, is more than likely screwing someone else right now and only wants u there for emotional validation once that goes wrong. If you are true to yourself, you only want friends incase she changes her mind. **** that, take control and disappear. Let them worry about what you are doing, let them screw their life up, but you dont get my friendship.
TLCbear Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Just curious how many people have ended up becoming friend and had the relationship been successful? I don't know any. I agree with capital P. The only reason I see people wanting to be friends after a breakup is because they are scared of completely letting go. Most of the time the dumpee has hope that they will get back together, while the dumper is stringing them along and wanting emotional support or eventually try to run back to the dumpee once they find out the grass isn't greener on the other side. It's a loss cause. Now, it may work if you were actually friends before the relationship.
Capital P Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Im good friends with a few exes and i usually end up hanging with them , havin sex every now and again. But i dont want to be with any of them. I am actually seeing a really hot ex this weekend. The girl that broke up with me hates her and im going to screw her brains out, so go me. But if any part of u wants that person back don't be friends. you don't need friends, and u dont want to give them anything when they break up with you, not even the time of day. Tehey dont give a **** about u so who cares
fltc Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 The only reason I see people wanting to be friends after a breakup is because they are scared of completely letting go. Not so, my ex and I remained friends for the entire 36 years since our divorce. Initially we still had children to raise and we found out we can get along OK as long as we aren't together much.... Oddly enough, ex and current SO are friends as well. Can anyone suggest any reason that you shouldn't be friends with ex? It takes some time to heal the hurt feelings but you were probably friends before you were lovers so why not continue?
Capital P Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 look, i am friends with pretty much all of my exes. But for some of them it has taken years. There is absolutely no way u can go to being riends with an ex after you break up. there has to be no feelings there or it wont work
TLCbear Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Not so, my ex and I remained friends for the entire 36 years since our divorce. Initially we still had children to raise and we found out we can get along OK as long as we aren't together much.... Oddly enough, ex and current SO are friends as well. Can anyone suggest any reason that you shouldn't be friends with ex? It takes some time to heal the hurt feelings but you were probably friends before you were lovers so why not continue? Well, good for you, but usually it does not work after a breakup. Quite alot of people I know are just like the people on here who are having problems being friends simply because they still have feelings and hoping to get back together. Also there are others that are in a FWB type of situation. Most like to believe they are friends, but all they are is someone the other person can come back and forth to to screw. I really do not know anyone or have heard of anyone actually being friends after a break up. Like I said, if you were actually friends before the relationship, it may can happen, but if not, most likely it will not.
tell-me-more Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 This is a poor idea. It's as if the dumper wants you nearby in case things go wrong in a future relationship. Esp true if the previous relationship was long lasting. But be guided by your own feelings. If it hurts, don't do it
WTRanger Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I'm friends with some of my ex's, and some I'm not. The ex's I am friends with were people that I truly cared for, but we just weren't compatible in a serious relationship. But as Capitol P mentioned, the friends process took years. You really can't be friends if the breakup is fresh. You need at a minimum a good solid 6-8 months of NC and start to date others before you can even consider being friends with an ex.
Author Hhhh Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 I agree with NC for a few months and then openning the lines of communication to be friends Because some people actually do care and are in love with you but they realize that it isnt going to work or you guys are not compatible before the other does.
Lovelydawn Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 i am friends with my ex-husband who i was married to for 8 yrs. we got divorced 2 yrs ago. it was the most gut wrenching heart break i have ever experienced but i am pass that now and i have already forgiven him for everything. in fact it breaks my heart to see him alone in his life (since the divorce) and i sincerely wish he will find someone to share his life with. so yeah i think its possible to be friends with an ex once you have truly moved on.
havehope Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 TLC bear said it nicely in the first post, about the dumpee not being over it and the dumper stringing them along. I tried and I wish I hadn't. Whatever sort of "frienship" (I hesistate to even use that word) we have now is tainted and will never be the friendship we had before. Our situation now is so screwed up I really regret ever trying to be friends. However, the ex-ex, before this previous one, we go to dinner maybe once or twice a year to catch up when he is in town but we've been broken up for 10 years now so its fine.
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