crazyjen1973 Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Hello everyone... I am a 37 years old. I married the love of my life when I was 17 and thus began a very, very torrid relationship. We love each other. But have never lived with each other more than 6 weeks at a time total in the last 20 years. In fact the last time that we lived together was about 9 years ago. We had a normal courting till I got pregnant then we got married. He found pictures of my parents from when they were younger and they had been swingers this intrigued my husband very much and became a very serious situation between us. That coupled with other family related issues ultimately led to us separating nine years ago. Now my questions are these. If we love each other still as we did before and I have gotten over the majority of my timidness about a threesome, does anyone think that it is safe.. or will it create even bigger problems between us. When we talk about it is a huge excitement factor.. but when comes to actually doing it I am soooo extremely nervous. I have always been pleasantly plump. he loves my shape.. I hate it. He says it will help rebuild our relationship but what do you all think. Please let me know.. I need some honest advice from impartial people.
strength-abounds Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Welcome Jen I have a few words of advice for you. IMO, when a married couple entertains the idea of a threesome, something is wrong with intimacy level of that relationship. Basically, it's approved adultery. From the way it sounds, your H suggested the threesome so I'm lead to believe that it's going to consist of another woman. That's big trouble. I used to know a married couple that engaged in a threesome. I used to know them because they are now divorced as a result of that threesome. The wife could not get over the fact that her H had his ***** in another woman. The third party also got pregnant from this encounter. Do not do it or condone it. If your H keeps pushing the issue then you seriously need to reevaluate the marriage.
Author crazyjen1973 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 Thank-you for your opinion. He did suggest it but he actually wants it to be with another male.. He states it is all about pleasuring me. But it is still causing problems for me.
strength-abounds Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Wow. A devil's threesome? That brings up a vast amount of questions and concerns that I will not address. A marriage should be between 2 people and this should not change in the bedroom. If you are disturbed by it then don't agree to it. It's going to cause so many problems. Honestly Jen, IMO you should reevaluate the marriage anyway. My heart is bleeding for you. Do what YOU think is right.
Silly_Girl Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 My ex, who showed signs of jealousy, who wasn't always faithful, with whom I had a 'torrid' relationship... He REALLY wanted this also. I would not be opposed to it, in an ENTIRELY different set of circumstances. But if your relationship is not calm as a millpool, in my view you don't even have a shadow of a fighting chance of it being even okay. It's a firecracker being thrown on to an existing fire.
Iconoclast Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Bigger question is why are you still married? You've been separated for 9 years. How could the problems get any bigger anyway? I get the impression that you think if you do this it will fix things. It won't. Threesomes in a marriage are very risky, and you and your spouse just don't fit the profile. In your case, there are far larger problems to tackle before that is even on the table. "He says it will help rebuild our relationship" ... what relationship? Next time he says that, punch him in the face and tell him it's from me.
redmelon Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I don't think you should do anything that makes you uncomfortable. If the relationship intimacy hinges on having a threesome, that should tell you the state of affairs ain't so good...
strength-abounds Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 "He says it will help rebuild our relationship" ... what relationship? Next time he says that, punch him in the face and tell him it's from me." And me.
Lauriebell82 Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 "He says it will help rebuild our relationship" ... what relationship? Next time he says that, punch him in the face and tell him it's from me." And me. Make that three of us. Don't do it Jen. He sounds like he is trying to manipulate and guilt you into it by saying it will help your relationship. That's B.S. If anything, this will tear your relationship (or lack thereof) apart. Do not let anyone make you do something you are uncomfortable with, ESPECIALLY your spouse.
Author crazyjen1973 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 thank you all of you. We had reconnected about 6 months ago and have been trying to rebuild some semblance of a relationship for our children and grandchild. but as I said I was very skeptical. I will not be doing this. obviously as stated before our marriage was not real stable anyway.
ilovelife75 Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I'm sorry, but I don't think I understand what you are trying to explain about your relationship. You are married, but you have ever lived together for more than 6 weeks at a time? Why not? When did he find the family photos of your parents? Why does he want to have another man in his bed, with his wife? What is really the underlying issue here with that idea of his? Does he have some homosexual fantasies? Separated for 9 years? Why not divorce? But I agree, bringing a third person into a marriage is a very bad idea. And for your husband to say that to you, he is an idiot. He doesn't care about you or your relationship, he wants to meet his needs, not yours. And do not be so hard on yourself about your weight. You sound like a wonderfully intelligent, expressive, wonderful woman. Take pride in your curves. A woman is supposed to be curvy. Think of it this way, men love driving real fast around curves, if you were stick thin, the drive would get boring:cool:
LiveWell Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Thank-you for your opinion. He did suggest it but he actually wants it to be with another male.. He states it is all about pleasuring me. But it is still causing problems for me. MFM or MMF? That is the question.
Author crazyjen1973 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 I did not know how to explain the many years in one brief post. So here it goes. We loved each other very much. Our families did not. They hated each other and us. Despite that we got pregnant and got married and might I add we were def. young and very very stupid at the time. We both allowed our respective families to but in and tell us what to do, Mind you we were 17 and 19 and they knew much better than us how to make things work. Problem is when ever we would struggle it would cause an argument, i would run to my family and he would run to his and of course they would fuel the fire. therefore hence the never more than 6 week issue. Now as far as why after 9 years are we not divorced is that it can be very expensive to get a divorce when the man never answers the door . to date I have spent about 1200 dollars on trying to get him served and get this divorce over with. He is catholic and refuses to divorce me.. He contests everything.. Until the court date and then he doesn't show and tells the judge he was unaware of the court date and our course he is because he never gets served his papers. He says it is because he loves me and marriage is forever. I agree but if we are not together then we a basically divorced already and we might as well have the paper to prove it. I DO still love him and he still loves me (so he says) And we are alot older and more mature than we were all those years ago. But even after all that sometimes love is not enough. Our families still hate each other and us so like I keep telling him.. Are things really that much different.
2sure Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 If you are in the US and have been living separately for 9 years you can file divorce resulting from abandonment and he doesnt have to sign a thing or show up. Even if he does show up or contest something like child support or what have you...the divorce grounds still stand. So, I dont get that. If he wont sign for the papers that are served, any attorney can tell you thats what Public Notice is for. He is dangling the idea that he will want to actually be married to you if you participate in a threesome. Thats nonsense.
Author crazyjen1973 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 I am aware of what public notice is for. I have tried that twice. Public notice is exactly that public notice. like I stated when he finds out he contests it. which of course costs me more money. I have an attorney that is very well respected and he has been helping me for the last year. I wanted some opinions on the issue at hand.. After hearing that the consensus is don't do it I have decided not to do it. I have read many posts on here about the issue and have decided that with our relationship as bad as it is it makes much more sense not to do it and it WILL NOT be happening. Thank you everyone for your input in the matter.
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