thekid55 Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 This will be a fairly long thread, so please bare with me. I haven't posted on here in ages. I dated my ex-girlfriend for roughly 2.5 years. We are both seniors in college. Roughly one month ago, we broke up because neither of us were happy in the relationship and it felt a bit routine. We decided that some time apart would do us some good. Basically, a lot of petty fights would begin to happen and we started to take each other for granted. Her and I have shared the same goals in life. We are so close to graduating and began to plan our futures together. She has always said that she sees herself with me and wants to marry me some day. Our families LOVE each other. Her younger brother idolizes me. A few days after we decided this mutually, I called her and asked to see her because I didn't think this was the right way for us to handle this. She said that it was too soon and that we really need some time to work on ourselves. I agreed. The next day, I saw her on campus and she texted me a few minutes later saying 'Everything will be ok'. I just replied back saying 'Yeah, no worries'. A few days after that, she sent me this really drawn out message, giving me an update on her, told me how she was feeling individually and I was just like 'This sounds great. Glad to hear it'. I got extremely drunk the next night and spilled my heart out to her via text. This really pushed her away. I told her that I can give everything she wants, etc etc. and she just didn't want to hear any of it. The next day, she told me that I was scaring her with how I was acting. I apologized and told her it won't happen again. The next day, she texted me at night saying 'Please don't think I'm heartless with this. I'm hurting too'. I didn't respond for a few days and when I finally did, I just said 'Yeah, we need to take this time'. She quickly thought of an excuses to come see me, saying she had something to give me. I told her just to stop by later and she never came by. From that moment on, I went NC for roughly two weeks. I didn't talk to her, but some of our mutual friends kept talking to me about it. They kept telling me that this had nothing to do with other people and didn't get why my ex was being standoffish with me. I broke NC when I saw her at this event on campus. Neither of us approached the other, but when I left, I texted her, asking why this was so awkward and she just said "I don't know what to do when you act like something you aren't'. There was drinking involved at this event and I wasn't drunk or tipsy by any means. She kept saying, stop being something your not, etc etc. And I got needy once more. Saying things like, I can give you everything, etc. etc. It got to the point where she just told me to leave her alone and I did. I treated this girl better than anyone ever has in her life. Her family situation is an absolute mess and I've been her rock. Since we broke up, I have been going out with guy friends again. We normally go out drinking, but never heavy drinking. I always see a lot of her friends out and I always very nice to them. I removed her from Facebook a few days ago and took one of her best friends off as well. I just need a break from the whole situation. I took down pictures of her and I from my main section. Well, some of her profile was public and I was still able to see it. I noticed today that she did the same exact thing that I did. She removed pictures of her and I, de-friended one of my close guy friends, and made her settings exactly the same as mine. The one close friend is the person who I've been going out with a lot. We both still have a ton of our other friends in common. I saw her tonight in the hall and we both said Hello in passing. She looked pretty upset. Prior to that, my last text to her said, 'We needed this to happen. Things became routine for us. I'm having fun again and hopefully you are too'. No response from her. Overall though, I think she's just afraid to talk to me because she think I'll just get needy or assume that her talking to me means we are going to get back together. That's not the case anymore. We've been in NC for 4 days now and I feel a lot better about everything. I've been going out. Exercising. Meeting new people. Overall, I'm just having a great time, but miss her a lot. Do you think this situation is hopeless? There are no other people involved, but I think she's just afraid to talk to me, which is the worst feeling in the world. As soon as she contacts me, I know that she trusts me again.. What do you think?
strength-abounds Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Hey Kid IMO, I think you agreeing to the break-up was good move. It allows space between yourself and the X. With that being said, the space that was created needs to be nurtured for a few days. This means NC. do not call her, text her, or email her; and for God's sake stop stalking her, it's scaring the bejesus out of her. Keeping having fun with the dudes. Exercise more, it's a great stress reliever. Enjoy being single again and start loving YOU again. If she comes back, you can address the relationship then.
bl22 Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Sounds to me like you've played it pretty cool besides the 1 incident of drunk texting. There may stil be hope as most guys (and im guilty of this) would have just freaked out when she wanted 'space' and did the exact opposite trying to win them back which I now realise never works. Your situation sounds very simarlar to a few others ive read, which tend to turn out being that they think the grass is greener. Either shes met someone else and feels guilty for spending time with him so she wants a break from you to 'test' it or friends have got into her head. Either way, play it cool like you have been. They will only come running back when they realise what they've lost...if they haven't lost anything cause your waiting then they won't be back. Good luck to you
Author thekid55 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 I don't think I'm STALKING her. I mean, my god. It's not that bad...
fabio10 Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Be careful tho, you will have bad days 4days NC aint much try get afew weeks under your belt be careful when your drinking too, I did the same as you but one slip is ok ! Stay strong
Am4Real Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I got extremely drunk the next night and spilled my heart out to her via text. This really pushed her away. I told her that I can give everything she wants, etc etc. and she just didn't want to hear any of it. The next day, she told me that I was scaring her with how I was acting. I apologized and told her it won't happen again. The next day, she texted me at night saying 'Please don't think I'm heartless with this. I'm hurting too'. I removed her from Facebook a few days ago and took one of her best friends off as well. I just need a break from the whole situation. I took down pictures of her and I from my main section. Well, some of her profile was public and I was still able to see it. I noticed today that she did the same exact thing that I did. She removed pictures of her and I, de-friended one of my close guy friends, and made her settings exactly the same as mine. The one close friend is the person who I've been going out with a lot. We both still have a ton of our other friends in common. The thing about electronic communications and social media is they are effective for short non-crucial messages between acquaintances and perhaps family and old friends. They absolutely have no working business in a relationship; a relationship in distress; a relationship in the break-up stages; a relationship in post break-up time and so on. There are more misunderstandings and false readings from these e-messages that are often comprised of incomplete thoughts, grammatically incorrect English and one-liners, making intent and interpretation sometimes impossible. [highlight]If you want a real relationship, a real connection or perhaps real communication in whatever your circumstance, cease use of these methods and try something totally radical – verbal communication[/highlight]. The effort to meet and have a conversation might be exhausting, however the results usually far outweigh any back and forth confusion from TEXT, FaceBook or whatever else is typed on a phone or keyboard.
Author thekid55 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 Really no communication is possible right now between us. Believe me, I have tried to meet her and talk to her, but she has had no interest.
Am4Real Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Really no communication is possible right now between us. Believe me, I have tried to meet her and talk to her, but she has had no interest. Let time pass; leave her be and see if she comes to you once she no longer hears from you and wonders why you are not making any contact with her. Then again this may not happen at all, however you must let her go or all you will do is continue to push her away. In the meantime you can continue to work on yourself and who knows, eventually most thoughts of her will have faded and you will be in great shape for the next gal to come along and knock you out with affection!
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