AgeOfUninnocence Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Just an observation I've had lately that's been making me a bit pissed off lately when I think about it, so I thought I'd share this with you guys and do a bit of therapeutic writing and get your thoughts? In my last relationship, I never wanted to rush things. It was the idea of rushing things and ruining a good thing, the brightest stars burn out the fastest, etc. When I told my guy I loved him after two months, I still almost wondered if it was right to do so so quickly, even though I'd already been friends with him for months and months before that. I never made any concrete plans about the future, like marriage, or living together, or plans after college, or any of that stuff. I just liked taking the time as it came. It was always ex-bf who would make comments about the future, like saying he planned to marry me after college, or where he wanted to live with me, or even places he wanted to visit the next summer. I was always hesitant to react to this stuff or make real plans, because I knew it was so far in the future that what happened if it didn't work out? How likely was it to? But eventually I started to disregard it, and go figure, the moment I started to think about us seriously being together forever, I get dumped. Now, one of my good friends, my age, is dating a guy for four months now, and they've only known each other as long as they've been dating. After two weeks they had a family dinner. After one month they proclaimed love. After two months they had sex. They spend all their time attached to their phone texting each other, making sappy love codes, planning their future together with their careers and kids names and wedding and honeymoon locations, always carrying on about how they're each other's world and how much they love each other. They ditch their friends all the time just to hang out with each other, and even if they hang out with us in a group, they still sneak off to go make out and be alone and whatnot. My friend doesn't have a life except for this guy. I try to hang out with her and go do regular college activities, but all she wants to do is talk to her bf and spend every weekend visiting him and missing out on things. And I'm all for love, but they're THAT couple that is so lovey dovey it's sick. They're basically engaged, and they've only known each other for four months. I have another friend, my age again, who when I met her told me about her boyfriend, and said "I think I'm going to marry him" even though they'd only been dating a few months. A year and a half later, they're engaged to be engaged. We were talking about life after college the other day, and she said to me, "It's crazy, I have to start saving up money now since in two years I'm basically going to be getting married." And I have a neighbor, also my age, who actually has a set date for getting married once they get out of college. I just feel like.... how unfair is this?? How do these people all know that their relationship isn't going to break up? Why is it that I spend my time being cautious and putting hard work and effort into the relationship and not just wasting my time going "Ohhh, I love you mostestestestsetsetst sugar pie, revolving my life around this other person, and the second I throw caution to the wind like my friends have, I'm the one who gets dumped? I know life isn't fair, but this really doesn't make any sense to me.
Ajax Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Why did your ex break up with you? In my last relationship my ex started talking about the future and then told me she loved me a week before breaking up with me. I think when people start making long term committments they often freak out and bail on the relationship.
valpre Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Whose to say that your friends won't get dumped sometime in the future. Whether you take it slow and easy, or throw caution to the wind - you cannot predict whether it will last forever. "Nothing is permanent." People and their feelings change, situations change, divorces after 5, 10, 15, 20 years happen all the time. All you can do is try enjoy what is in the present.
Author AgeOfUninnocence Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 Why did your ex break up with you? In my last relationship my ex started talking about the future and then told me she loved me a week before breaking up with me. I think when people start making long term committments they often freak out and bail on the relationship. We went to different schools so it was an LDR, and he ended up meeting someone there that he found himself liking. Supposedly (through words he's told my friends who told me) it was really hard for him and he thought about it for a long time, because he still loved me and liked her, but he ended up choosing her over me. Then she dumped his ass a month after they started dating. Karma, bitch. Funny thing is, the first friend I mentioned, the lovey dovey one, is also in an LDR with her guy, but their distance is two hours more than mine was, and still, they're totally ridiculously in love and giving up every single weekend to be with each other instead of having their own things to do as well. Whose to say that your friends won't get dumped sometime in the future. Whether you take it slow and easy, or throw caution to the wind - you cannot predict whether it will last forever. "Nothing is permanent." People and their feelings change, situations change, divorces after 5, 10, 15, 20 years happen all the time. All you can do is try enjoy what is in the present. That's a very true statement there, as sad as it is. But I don't know. I look at these people all around me and I just feel like I know that they'll be the lucky ones and they'll never ever give up, because all these couples are sooooo devoted to each other and have no life outside of the other person. Which is why I"m frustrated the most, I guess. Forgot to mention I have another friend I'm living in an apartment with next year, and she asked me, "Would it be cool if [boyfriend] came over too? Cause he's pretty much going to be around all the time." Again. This friend has only known her boyfriend for two months, and already she's predicting that of course they'll be together still next year, and he'll be around all the time. It's not so much like I want to control people's lives, but I guess I just feel like if they all weren't devoting their lives to their man, and actually spent time doing things without him and supporting themselves, it would be a lot healthier of a relationship for them? I'm no one to judge, I know. It just sucks when you keep up with your real life like you're supposed to, and still your relationship doesn't work out even though you're not throwing yourself at your guy, which is what everyone says is exactly which will make your man run in the other direction.
durkadurka Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 (edited) It's very simple really, if their objective is to be married, they simply ignore everything else. They bury their head in the metaphorical sand. For them it is more about the idea of getting married and finding someone to facilitate that than it is about the partner they find. They'd marry a bag of rocks if it would marry them. When I was dating my ex, we always joked around that we didn't need to define our long term relationship by getting married, that we cared for each other enough, and we knew that and that's all that matters. Her friends, on the other hand, were all for finding a poor sucker that they could get married to asap so they could start popping out kids. It's mindboggling really. Edited October 28, 2010 by durkadurka
Sonolumino Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Small minded people want small minded goals.
Perhaps Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I just feel like.... how unfair is this?? How do these people all know that their relationship isn't going to break up? Why is it that I spend my time being cautious and putting hard work and effort into the relationship and not just wasting my time going "Ohhh, I love you mostestestestsetsetst sugar pie, revolving my life around this other person, and the second I throw caution to the wind like my friends have, I'm the one who gets dumped? I know life isn't fair, but this really doesn't make any sense to me. "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian." Don't waste your time thinking like that. Life is unfair... but you know that, so just go with the flow. Whether people throw themsleves into it or reserve themselves due to an uncertain future, the future is just that: an uncertainty. So, just enjoy the present. Be lovey-dovey, and all that. That's the best part of it all! The whole point of the honeymoon phase is to indulge yourself in the PDA, and the lovey-dovey crap.
LoveTruthChaos Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Well you know what they say...when you know, you just KNOW. Maybe your friends just 'know' they will be forever with these guys? But what they don't tell you is this. You also 'know' when it's not going to be forever. Looks like that's what you had. I definitely had that. As much as my friends loved hearing my ex and I's story of how me met and it was 'at first sight' and all that (and it was a great story) - the part I left out when telling the story was how, from the moment I met him, I KNEW, with every fibre of my being, that it was never going to be forever.
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