female fb/FWB: conclusion on mindset

[9Lives]

WOW!!! that thread was hot!!!!!

 

I learned alot about this topic from many different view points by women and men. I am really happy the conversation was discussed because the topic is important.

 

What I walked away with was...IT ALL DEPENDS!!!

 

I really hope this time that some of you can stay on the track of what the thread is about. some people start talking about cheating and stuff and if you are a fb ...i dont know how cheating is a part of that. You dont have a relationship.

 

What I got out of it FOR ME is...this is MY thoughts so dont get all hot about it.

 

*You have to be honest with yourself FIRST as a woman. Or a man I guess.

 

*You have to adjust your mindset. fb or fwb is not a relationship and the chances of it leading to one is not good. It could happen but chances are that it will remain a pc of ass until something better comes along or whatever. Younger girls need to understand your position. I have nephews that play girls like fools. She waiting for him to give her more and HE KNOWS damm well..there aint no more. You have to know where you are.

 

*You have to realize that some men will go there with you and at the same time think alot less of you period because you getting down like that.

 

*You have to realize the reasons he is engaging in this with you. SOME men...some...have already decided you cant be his woman and this is WHY you are the fb.

 

*if you want you do it, make sure you are knowing what is happening or not happening.

 

The reason I really addressed this to women is because ALOT of time....not always....alot of times, its the woman getting it twisted. So it needs to be out in the open what it is...and what it aint.

 

I personally still feel up in the air about it. I dont know if I want to be a fb or fwb. I think about it some times cause really Im not sure if i am ready for a relationship but at the same time...I just dont know how I feel about casual sex partners. It still seems under handed in my mind. Im thinking.

Edited October 26, 2010 by 9Lives

[donnamaybe]

WOW!!! that thread was hot!!!!!

 

I learned alot about this topic from many different view points by women and men. I am really happy the conversation was discussed because the topic is important.

 

What I walked away with was...IT ALL DEPENDS!!!

Exactly. And what it depends on is what is really going on in the minds of the FWB partners. Does he/she really want more and are just saying they are content with FWB? Some people have this mistaken way of thinking "Well, if I just show him/her what a great person I am, and the sex is good, they'll fall in love with me." THAT is when people get hurt.

 

In my situation, I decided there will most likely ALWAYS be someone who gets hurt, so I determined I would never go down that road again. It didn't feel very good to hurt that guy the way I did, regardless whether I meant to or not.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I personally still feel up in the air about it. I dont know if I want to be a fb or fwb. I think about it some times cause really Im not sure if i am ready for a relationship but at the same time...I just dont know how I feel about casual sex partners. It still seems under handed in my mind. Im thinking.

 

It basically comes down to this.

 

You need to either be willing to be hurt, or willing to hurt someone else in order to take on this kind of relationship.

 

There are some people that just jump into it assuming nobody is going to get hurt.. and 9/10 they are wrong.

[9Lives]

i dont know. i guess depends on what lense you are using to look at it.

 

I personally dont like being used. It seems like using a person but not really valueing that person. Its like you are not good enough for me but good enough to fk.

 

I could flip it too and do the man like that I suppose then it doesnt seem like you are playing yourself.

 

My mind is trying to deal with this.

[donnamaybe]

But you would only get used if you were lied to.

[9Lives]

It basically comes down to this.

 

You need to either be willing to be hurt, or willing to hurt someone else in order to take on this kind of relationship.

 

There are some people that just jump into it assuming nobody is going to get hurt.. and 9/10 they are wrong.

 

yeah, I can see that. ESPECIALLY if this arrangement goes on for a long time. It is easy to get caught up especially if the sex is good and you are not actively dating someone else.

 

PLUS,

When the fb goes and gets someone else and starts treating them like Respect and love...what you gonna feel?

 

The only way you aint gonna feel anything is if you REALLY REALLY REALLY dont like that person but how can you go on that long.

 

Its tricky

[donnamaybe]

The only way you aint gonna feel anything is if you REALLY REALLY REALLY dont like that person but how can you go on that long.

 

Its tricky

You don't need to dislike them. You just have to know what is and isn't right for you regarding relationship material in a man. I "liked" my FWB friend - as a friend. If I had to live with him, I'd have wanted to kick his arse.

[9Lives]

But you would only get used if you were lied to.

 

You may FEEL used, even if you aint really being used.

 

You got think about it for real for real. There is no agreements.

[Untouchable_Fire]

i dont know. i guess depends on what lense you are using to look at it.

I personally dont like being used. It seems like using a person but not really valueing that person. Its like you are not good enough for me but good enough to fk.

I could flip it too and do the man like that I suppose then it doesnt seem like you are playing yourself.

My mind is trying to deal with this.

 

The big issue is that many people go into this situation thinking "I can't possibly feel anything for this person", and then find themselves with some really deep emotions.

 

Then what? Do you just say... "Ef You! I don't care about your feelings this is what you signed up for!"

 

I don't want to be a guy like that... and I would not date a woman that heartless.

 

So... Why is this type of relationship on your brain so much?

[donnamaybe]

You may FEEL used, even if you aint really being used.

 

You got think about it for real for real. There is no agreements.

And that's what happened to my guy friend, even though I was completely honest with him from the get go. He asked me once after he had fallen in love and I decided we had to end things, "What was I to you? Just a piece of meat?" I said, "I thought we were two friends giving each other mutual pleasure."

 

I learned a valuable lesson.

[donnamaybe]

The big issue is that many people go into this situation thinking "I can't possibly feel anything for this person", and then find themselves with some really deep emotions.

 

Then what? Do you just say... "Ef You! I don't care about your feelings this is what you signed up for!"

If you're a person with a conscience and a heart, no. That's not what you say. There is, however, no way to undo the hurt.

[Woggle]

I had a FWB once and she ended up getting hurt but I feel no guilt whatsoever. She was a known maneater and she met her match.

[Untouchable_Fire]

If you're a person with a conscience and a heart, no. That's not what you say. There is, however, no way to undo the hurt.

 

Correct... it's pandora's box.

 

In my opinion... it is best to just keep the lid shut. Though it goes against our nature.

 

I had a FWB once and she ended up getting hurt but I feel no guilt whatsoever. She was a known maneater and she met her match.

 

That just makes you no better than her.

[9Lives]

The big issue is that many people go into this situation thinking "I can't possibly feel anything for this person", and then find themselves with some really deep emotions.

 

Then what? Do you just say... "Ef You! I don't care about your feelings this is what you signed up for!"

 

I don't want to be a guy like that... and I would not date a woman that heartless.

 

So... Why is this type of relationship on your brain so much?

 

Well because Im out daing more now cause I broke up with my ex. My best friend was pushing it as a way to "occupy my mind" and "move on" and i thought that was kinda shtty!! I noticed that some of my other lady friends are doing it and they dont seem very happy but they do it cause they dont want to be alone or want to at least be having sex cause they dont have a relationship.

 

this is why I brought it up.

 

I like sex...alot...I love it. But I feel like it is overrated sometimes. Its like you gotta have a man between your legs or something is missing in your life.

 

If I want to play, I want to be playing to be playing...not to fill voids in my life. Its not cool.

 

I dont want to judge but maybe sometimes after being single for a while, you want that sex cause love is taking a long time to come.

 

Im tryna figure it out

[Woggle]

 

 

That just makes you no better than her.

 

I know that but it felt for me to have the power for once in my life. At least I can admit that was my motivation.

[9Lives]

I had a FWB once and she ended up getting hurt but I feel no guilt whatsoever. She was a known maneater and she met her match.

 

 

This proves my point ladies....Men like him TELLING you what up. He didnt respect her and didnt care for her. It was just ass. No guilt no shame. You got what you deserved.

 

And if you was honest with her....she should have known better and knew her position in that circumstance. She could have stop dealing with you instead of keep playing the game and switching cards.

[9Lives]

I know that but it felt for me to have the power for once in my life. At least I can admit that was my motivation.

 

You are a mess!!! thanks for being honest. Ladies check him out! they out there baby...just like this right here

[Woggle]

I told her flat out she just a toy to me in those words and it seemed to actually turn her on. I was the first man she even actually wanted to commit to.