Tres Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 I had a NSA connection with a guy. He has got 'oneitis' on me for several reasons. First, he has no chance to find another woman for sex/a R because he has too many negative qualities. Second, he has several psychiatric problems including bipolar, other serious psychatric disorders and addictions. He also got some sensitive personal information about me and I am afraid of him because of that. Therefore, I can not be upfront to tell him that all I want is to get rid of him because he is absolutely impossible to deal with. He behaves like I belong to him and no reasoning can help him to see reality. He does not want to listen to me. He behaves the way he wants talking about his big love forever, how he is horny and jealous, intruding my personal space and creating a lot of distress and drama. We have not seen each other for many months but he continues to contact me by email and phone sometimes. I can not be direct rejecting him because I am afraid of him. He is crazy, very angry, aggressive and has things to blackmail me. He also has no hope to find another woman to distract his attention from me. Is there any method to make the guy lose his interest in me? Is there any method to stop him from talking about his big love, sex drive and aggression against me? Why does not he want to leave me alone if I do ask him about it so much?
quankanne Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 keep notes of what he says and when he says, and contact the police about this problem. They deal with these kinds of situations and can give advice. Also check with abuse hotlines to see what they recommend, as they're also familiar with this kind of thing. also, block his calls and emails, to the point of switching numbers and email accounts if need be. It'll cost you money, but it curtails his access....
Author Tres Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 keep notes of what he says and when he says, and contact the police about this problem. They deal with these kinds of situations and can give advice. Also check with abuse hotlines to see what they recommend, as they're also familiar with this kind of thing. also, block his calls and emails, to the point of switching numbers and email accounts if need be. It'll cost you money, but it curtails his access.... Thank you. But, it is exactly what I can not do because he has sensitive personal information about me which is a bigger problem than a stalker himself without the information.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 The most efficient way to get rid of a stalker is to ignore, ignore, IGNORE!!!! But women just looooooooooooooooove to indulge them instead, opening a window that makes the stalker think he has further *chance* with her, and then causing her to have to go through the same routine all over again. He may well plan some low-level advance with the amount of information he has about you, but you need to ACT AS IF you don't CARE that he might do such a thing. There is a time to pack up and move to another state... and when that time comes, you MOVE immediately without looking back. Far in advance of that point, is where most of them should have dedicated themselves to ignoring, ignoring, IGNORING!!
redmelon Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 But women just looooooooooooooooove to indulge them instead WTF! This is absolutely untrue and completely ludicrous. What sort of personal information does he have? Is it just damaging to your reputation or something serious like putting your family's life in danger?
Author Tres Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 The most efficient way to get rid of a stalker is to ignore, ignore, IGNORE!!!! There is a time to pack up and move to another state... and when that time comes, you MOVE immediately without looking back. Far in advance of that point, is where most of them should have dedicated themselves to ignoring, ignoring, IGNORING!! Thank you. I was ignoring him for about 6 months. It did not help much because he believes that I am the only woman who he has at least a very small chance with.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 You were "ignoring him for about 6 months" ???? What on earth possessed you to draw a line in the sand and decide to stop ignoring him after 6 months were up??? Thanks for being still one more element of data that shows redmelon what is "true".
Feelin Frisky Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Other than hiring someone to beat the living crap out of him I don't know. I had a g/f once who after we started seeing each other hot and heavy told me why she had her arm in a sling months before at work. He ex beat her. And, that prick, was till stalking her. I made a black jack out of a 12 ounce fishing sinker, a coat hanger and some black tape. She told me he carried a gun on his ankle. It was a little scary. One time I looked down the street where he attacked her by a bar in lower Manhattan and there he was hiding behind the side wall peering out like he was lying in wait for someone. I assumed it was her. Eventually we got an apartment together in a safe neighborhood and I try to emphasize to her to change all her patterns so she wouldn't be predictable. We forgot about him and hopefully he moved on.
sanskrit Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Never involve the police with some guy who is merely calling and emailing unless you feel in immediate physical danger. The police are not a "relationship helper" and involving them as such wastes resources that are needed elsewhere. Keep ignoring his contacts.
Author Tres Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 You were "ignoring him for about 6 months" ???? What on earth possessed you to draw a line in the sand and decide to stop ignoring him after 6 months were up??? Thanks for being still one more element of data that shows redmelon what is "true". I am still ignoring him as much as possible. The problem is that he does not want to vanish. Only I get relaxed and thankful that he is gone, he suddenly appears to create drama like in horror movies.
Lorelai Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I had a NSA connection with a guy. He has got 'oneitis' on me for several reasons. First, he has no chance to find another woman for sex/a R because he has too many negative qualities. Second, he has several psychiatric problems including bipolar, other serious psychatric disorders and addictions. He also got some sensitive personal information about me and I am afraid of him because of that. You say the potential blackmail threat is worse than the current stalking. Is it worth your life? Because if he really is a stalkerish type person, there is a high likelihood it will escalate beyond what it has unless you make ABSOLUTELY certain he understands he has no chance with you whatsoever, you do not want to be friends, you do not want to hear from him again in any social context whatsoever, etc. Because while ignoring them is great advice, if you've ignored for six months and it didn't work, dude is not going to get the hint. That is the very first advice given to victims of stalking -- make it absolutely clear to the stalker you do NOT want any further contact. THEN go right back to ignoring them no matter what they do, document any attempted contacts, and involve the police if you are worried for your safety. Also.... just my opinion, but look and see if there are any basic firearms classes in your area (many have free ladies classes at local indoor ranges) and consider purchasing one. Paper armor (aka a restraining order) is not much protection, and it could literally take the rest of your life for the cops to get there when you call 911. I hope it doesn't escalate to that point, but if you continue indulging him to avoid being blackmailed, you are increasing that possibility.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I am still ignoring him as much as possible. The problem is that he does not want to vanish. Only I get relaxed and thankful that he is gone, he suddenly appears to create drama like in horror movies. Well understand the psychology from his side: (ONLY because it may help you) He (of course) has interest in you. which creates 3 potential paths: a) warm interactions b) cold interactions c) no interactions SO, from his standpoint, mean/rude/illegal interactions are (closer to you) than are "no interactions". That is why he and almost all stalker types continue to cross the line. Just keep up the strong front and ignore, ignore, ignore...
OceanGirl Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Why would you have NSA sex with someone that is so bad that he has no hope of attracting another woman? As a woman, you can literally pick and choose the best looking men for NSA sex.. I am just puzzled.
tkgirl Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Well understand the psychology from his side: (ONLY because it may help you) He (of course) has interest in you. which creates 3 potential paths: a) warm interactions b) cold interactions c) no interactions SO, from his standpoint, mean/rude/illegal interactions are (closer to you) than are "no interactions". That is why he and almost all stalker types continue to cross the line. Just keep up the strong front and ignore, ignore, ignore... yep.. you have to try your best to go about your life like he has no effect whatsoever on you. I know it sucks.. I've been there. Mine was an ex that didn't want to let go... would follow me around, show up places I was at, call non-stop etc. I finally was able to get a restraining order but that still didn't stop him from coming around. What finally did is when I could really act and believe that what he was doing did not matter in the least... basically not react at all. It may take some time but when he realizes that he is not going to get any kind of reaction from you then he will finally get bored and move on. Good Luck!!!
alexlakeman Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 What's nsa sex? Put a restraining order on his azz, easy to do. What "sensitive" info does he have? Naked pics of u? Social security #?
Author Tres Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 Why would you have NSA sex with someone that is so bad that he has no hope of attracting another woman? As a woman, you can literally pick and choose the best looking men for NSA sex.. I am just puzzled. He has no hope to attract a woman for a serious relationship. But, for ONSs/FWBs he was kind of OK because I was desperate for sex at that time. Also, I had felt sorry for him.
twhisperer Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 What separates a person from a silly moonstruck pest intent on following you around to a stalker is when they are firmly fixated on you whether out of a perverted kind of love or out of hatred for you. First, be able to recognize the warning signs: Two common traits of stalkers: intelligent and self-centered. He is quite talented and dogged at tracking down the object of their warped affection, and they see nothing wrong in what they do. It is quite likely he has no friends; his only "relationship" is with you. He is likely to have few, if any, social skills, tends to be a loner, and typically has low self-esteem (If you're one of these, then learn how to build self-esteem); should you make the mistake of showing him some affection, rather than his accepting it, it is equally possible he will consider it a sham and accuse you of mocking him. He does not display the discomfort or anxiety that people should naturally feel in certain situations. He can become angry and abusive in a flash. Does not see how their actions are hurting others. Stalkers come in three flavors. There is the delusional type, also known as the erotomaniac, with whom you have never had a relationship and never will; the hangdog with whom you have broken up but who refuses to believe the affair is over, and the stalker intent on vengeance for the pain he believes you have caused him. Both the delusional stalker and the hangdog stalker have the potential to become vengeful stalkers. There is a new computer-age variation on the vengeful stalker – the cyber-stalker. He operates much like the identity thief, but, unlike the identity thief, his intention is not to steal money from you (though he may) but to make your life more painful. (Other vengeful stalkers might include people like disgruntled customers, road ragers, and others, such as the ex-employee who returns to a company from which he's been fired armed to the teeth and "goes postal" on his former bosses and co-workers. But most victims are stalked by people who think they're "in love" with them and possibly angry that they are rejecting them.) The above traits remind us that much of stalking involves harassment and annoyance, but never forget that stalkers can also be extraordinarily dangerous. http://www.wiredsafety.org/cyberstalking_harassment/stalker.html http://www.cybercrime.gov/ http://www.ehow.com/how_2252367_report-stalker.html http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32457
GorillaTheater Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 He has no hope to attract a woman for a serious relationship. But, for ONSs/FWBs he was kind of OK because I was desperate for sex at that time. Also, I had felt sorry for him. I hope this is a lesson learned. Having dealt with unstable folks in my personal life, and quite a bit in my professional life, the best advice I can give you is: DO NOT ENGAGE. REGARDLESS. They will eventually move on, but every time you accept contact, it sets that "moving on" clock back to zero.
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