chadmc1979 Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 My wife just left me three days ago.we have been together for 7 yrs and married for 6 months. here is the story.... I love her with all my heart. I also didn't know how to listen to what she was trying to say and concentrated on the words that she was saying. I got layed off from my job about a year ago and was only thinking of myself and depression. She told me multiple times that I needed to get a job. by all means we were not struggling she has a good job and I was pulling in a fair amount on unemployment. then she finally said you need to get a job or im devorcing you. I knew then she ment business and lit a fire in my pants and I went out applyed and in a week had a job. now that I have this job she tells me that it was to late and she is leaving cause she "isnt in love with me" she loves me but not "in love" also in this conversation she also told me that she had been confiding in a M co-worker going thru a simular situation for about a month behind my back. She says all it is, is talking and that there is nothing more. I talked to another co-worker of hers that we bolth know and was told that it wasnt true that they have been fooling around for a couple of weeks. I have tried to confront her and get the truth and she is lying not only to me but her family. It's not that I believe this other person over her I have proof of this actually happening. She says we will not be back together but she isnt going to file for a devorce. So I guess what Im asking is. do you think its over? I can forgive her for this and completely understand why it is happening. If she really believed that is done between us, wouldnt she just tell me the truth in whats going on? or is she not willing to admit to her family that is completely mad at her. and as long as she doesnt admit it no one else will get hurt or me getting hurt more... Im so confused.......
Author chadmc1979 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 So we had about an hour conversation last night in person. it was wonderful to see her. I know its only been four days but if feels like years sense I saw her last. We talked about the situation and I asked if there was a chance for counceling she didnt agree or disagree but she still said she wasnt coming home. to make a long story short as I was leaving she started to swell up. I turned to ask her what was wrong and she said she feels bad that Im goin home alone. I told her it would be alright and gave her a hug. she hugged me back and we stood there holding each other for a min. I kissed her on the cheek and said I'm sorry for pushing her away. and she said she was sorry as well. I know she still loves me and cares. She expresses her worries for me. I don't know what this means. Is there still a chance? does she just need time to see if she misses me. She is scared that nothing will change and she will hurt me again in the future. I wish I could get her to come to this site for it has helped me alot in the last few days. Oh I just dont know what to do. She also txt me this morning to see if I got any sleep and made it to an apointment that I needed to go to....HELP Im so lost.
thatsonlyme Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 My ex gave me the same story, she's not "in love" anymore, but actually she had met another guy. She's with him now, but I think they're going down and suddenly she started being nice to me. We're not getting back together because she's moving to LA but I do think she still has some feelings for me. Sorry I can't help you more, but everything is ultimately up to her. Live your life like she'll never be back, and if she does, you'll know what you want to do by then.
Ajax Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 I know you don't want to hear it, but it sounds like she wants to be with the other guy and that your job situation is just an excuse. When people get married they make a committment to stick it out for richer and for poorer, better or worse. Clearly those vows didn't mean a whole lot to her. She wants to do what she wants to do but doesn't want to look like the bad guy, and that's why she hasn't told you or her family about the other man. She'll be perfectly content to let you take the fall, so stay strong and don't give her any ammo.
Author chadmc1979 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 I see what bolth of you are saying and thank you. I'm just struggling cause I can see and hear the struggle in her voice. And your right she did take a vow. I guess all I can do is sit back do what I need to do and see what happens. its just so hard....
shayan Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 I don't know if I can provide good advice for this thread. But one things for sure just hang in there.
strength-abounds Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Hey chad, Are you married to my ExW? Her sister? Sounds like the same c**p she pulled. Bottom line is she does not want to be with you. I know it hurts but that's the truth. You can't make someone want to be with you. Best advice is to go NC and try and move on. I wish it I had more.
Author chadmc1979 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 she keeps giving me hints that she is confused and doesnt know what she wants. If she didnt want to be with me anymore then why talk at all? why call me? why post on a popular social site "trying to decide what to do about the future" see what Im saying. Im confused. Maybe she doesnt want to be with me. It's not that hard to just come out and say it.
BellaBellaBella Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Where is she staying? Is there anyway to break into the computer and look at emails? To see what she is saying to the other man. What about cell phone records?
Weekender Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I'm going to be honest and I think others will agree: Don't buy the line she's trying to feed you. She is not confused! She is caught...In a lie. A big one at that. The coworker said she was fooling around for weeks and you said you had proof. When people get married they make a serious commitment a.k.a. vows before each other, God, friends, family etc. Not pinky swears...vows. You upheld your end; she didn't. She broke trust. I agree that the job issue was an excuse. You, however, I do believe are confused because you probably have so many different emotions going on in a short period of time. After all this is alot to absorb in a short period of time. In a few days, or sooner, what she did will hit you and you are gonna be POed! When that happens, I think venting here or with friends will help, no booze! But hang in there! And I agree with Ajax, don't give her any ammo. We are here for you when you are ready to vent...Keep your chin up!
skydiveaddict Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 she loves me but not "in love" One of the classic female dump lines. Dont fool yourself. She doesn't want you anymore
Author chadmc1979 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 Where is she staying? Is there anyway to break into the computer and look at emails? To see what she is saying to the other man. What about cell phone records? She is staying at her mothers, ya I have looked in emails. nothing, cell record shows alot of texting between the two like ALL DAY LONG. But no calling. If I have my information right I believe he also has a partner that he hasnt left yet. she says they talk as much as they do cause they are going through simular situations. I just had a long converstation with her mother today at lunch and she her self does not understand what her daughter is doing. and its a pretty close family.
marcs Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 sounds like the same **** my ex pulled, im confused, wouldnt admit theres anyone else bla bla bla then found out she was with someone else
Author chadmc1979 Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 It will be a week now tomorrow sense she left. I know she is talking to the guy but she is telling me she doesnt want to be with him. I dont know if she is lying to me or herself. I guess there is still hope til devorce papers are filed. I'm pissed and don't understand how she could of just bailed, why not work it out. every relationship has its ups and downs, the next one for her is going to be the same. why can't she see that. she used the friend card for the first time yesterday." I miss you why cant we be friends I just dont want to be in this relationship anymore." "Im pushing thirty and there are plenty fish in the sea" "you are all I know in my adult life" these are all things she is saying to me but isnt telling me that she wants a devorce. what the heck is going on??
swfc_77 Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 first off im sorry to hear about your situation, i had the "i love you, but not in love with you" line from my ex. i'll tell you what i think will happen, like what happened to me. 1. she will say some pretty awful things to you, "doesn't want the relationship" - "dont love you anymore" - "wants to find herself" 2. she moves on with or without this other guy, the only reason she txs/talks to you is because she feels guilty. 3. you start to move on and think that she already has. 4. contact will be broken by 1 of you, and she will see you dont need her and then prob want you back as the grass isn't always greener, this she will see. 5. its down to you to decide if you want her back, i know your married and been together for a long time but she has no respect for your feelings, would you ever dream of putting her through this. in my experience women like that always want more or something else, she will more then likely do it again 1,2,3 years down the line. obviously marriage means nothing to her like it does to people like you and me. dont be a doormat matey.
swfc_77 Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 p.s tell her to stop putting things about your relationship on facebook. this is between you and her, not you, her the world and his brother. my ex did the same and i went mad, its nobody else's business
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