Marco7 Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Hi! This is my story with my ex, we broke up 2 weeks ago, and I really don't know what to do, so I wont lose her completely.. I couldn't keep it too short because there are many details required to understand. Thanks in advance. We first met in July of 2009, at my work while she was on holidays. She only had a little more than a week left, but there was an amazing chemistry between us, we fell in love, so we ended being in a LDR. She visited me once and I did sometimes. We were doing great, but unfortunately we didn't have a common goal (at the time) to end the distance so things started to go out of hand from her side after the third month. She couldn't tell me. I was her first love, and she was mine. But she let me slowly realize that we were breaking up, she was ignoring me and after a (traumatizing for me) month we broke up. I would be ok with that if she had spoken with me. However we decided to remain friends. That year was hard for me. I was thinking her, every single day that passed... However I found the courage to move on, and I improved my self in all ways. I was thinking about the next summer we would meet, every day. And so the summer 2010 arrived, and we meet again. We were speaking a little, but she was distant, and I was indifferent to her, even though I was literally burning inside. After a week she told me she was missing last summer ( you can imagine my happiness when I read that sms). So after some days we went out together, just a week before she leaves. We spent a magic week together, nights I can't forget. But then she was about to return at her country. We didn't talk about continuing.. But when she was home, she was asking me to continue and that she was ready to try again when she left. I said to her that maybe we will have a future, because I will move to her country in about 2 years from that time. But if we tried now and we break up again, it would be spoiled for good. However she changed my mind. I decided to try again because of the effort she made trying to get me back, made me think that this would work. And things were going great at the beginning. We were communicating often, she was so sweet with me, and we arranged to meet in mid September. I bought the tickets for the airplane. The week before my depart, she didn't communicate with me, she didn't respond at my messages.(we were talking through facebook mostly as it was hard to find her anywhere else) 2 days before my depart, and after I asked her if I should cancel the tickets, she responds. She told me she had a lot of work the past week thats why she didn't answer me, and because of a family emergency, it would be better to change my tickets for later. I think I believe she had an emergency. What I didn't believe is that she hadn't seen my messages. She just couldn't tell me as she was afraid I would get angry. I talked to her via MSN asking her if she changed her mind and didn't want to try again. She said "no I still want". And then I told her, if she would change her mind, to tell me and not let me wait like last year in agony. She agreed. The following weeks were great. So I sent her a mail, asking her if she wanted to meet with me this October. She didn't answer. So the next day I told her if she didn't want there is no problem. Still I got no answer. After 2 days a close family member of mine died. And I had to go back home from the place I study. I still had no answer from her, and I sent her a mail telling to leave it for later, and I was annoyed she didn't respond me. These days I was crushed. I had so much work, a family loss, and what was going on with her combined with no sleep. So the next day, and after I still had no word from her 6 days, I sent her another mail, saying I was breaking up with her. I thought it was like last year and she wanted this. I would wait one-two more days but I saw she had logged in facebook (therefore seen my mail). It was she who didn't want to use the phone anyway. The next day she answered me. She said that she logs in after a week of work, and she sees this. And I have no understanding. Some things I said, apparently made her angry (probably because of hurt egoism I believe) and she thought that its a very good idea to break up. I now believe she didn't want to break up with me really, but she didn't answer me for a week because I had accepted such behavior in the past. The fatal mistake I did, is I behaved like a wussy, and said to her that I thought she was acting like last year, I explained her my situation, and asked her sorry 15 times and I want to be with her. Of course she said no.. She said that some things I said made her understand somethings and even though she loves me, for the moment she doesn't want to try again. (before she said its finished between us, but oh well).. But the fact is that if wasn't the distance we would be amazing together, and most probably still together. We have so many things in common, there was such a chemistry between us, and most importantly I love her. She is sweet, beautiful loving and a good person, someone I can trust. The problem is that we only spent around 8 weeks close with each other, and that in a year. This was natural to crush. I am furious at my self, because If i had waited 2 more days things maybe would be different now. She is completely different from distance though. The thing is that distance wont be always a problem since I will go for work at her country in spring 2012.. We haven't spoken 2 weeks now. And its for nothing. Together (without the distance) we were simply amazing. What should I do to leave open a door to a possible future with her, when we wont be living far. Some say NC, some say not because its me who actually broke up with her (And she probably thinks she has the right from her side). I don't know what to do. Maybe when I go there she will be with someone else, but if not? I really don't want to lose her for ever. She means so much to me, and I am so angry with my self. How should I treat her now? Should I talk with her, should I wait some weeks?We haven't spoken 2 weeks now.. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for taking your time to read this, and sorry for my not so good English.
lapse Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Question for you: Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who does not respond to your contacts for upwards of 1 week? If you don't, don't even worry about how you acted. Don't judge people on who they *can* or *could* be, judge them on who they are and how they actually do treat you (I have to remind myself of this, as well). If someone ignores me for a week, 3-4 days even, I just assume that (1) they don't care or (2) they are playing games. And I want nothing to do with either of those options. Man, I'm sorry that you're hurting. But I'm glad you'll find someone who treats you better... just as soon as you let go of this person.
Author Marco7 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 The answer is no. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't talk to me for a week. I really believe I wasn't on the same page with her. And this was because of the distance. But the distance wont be forever. And I believe then it will be different. For now I think the best for us too is to continue with our lives. But I don't want to close that door with her for the future when we will live close to each other, because I know she is great.. What should I do now? Should I talk to her? Should I let time pass and just let go for a while? Thank you
USMCHokie Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 To be honest, this wasn't really all that complicated. She can't seem to handle distance. Communication is the foundation from which every LDR is built upon. Without that communication, you basically have nothing. She isn't built to handle distance. If someone is too busy to respond for a week, that tells me she is (1) not interested, (2) has no common courtesy, and/or (3) is legitimately too busy to date. When she comes home for the summer, she gets comfortable with being with you, but when it's time to pack up and leave, she misses your attention for a only little while (hence the wonderful September). After the reality of the distance kicks in, she just shuts down. Perma-LAUNCH.
Mimolicious Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Following the story is more complicated than what it really is. Hone, it happens, move on. This person is not reachable. Do you want to have the illusion of having an imaginary relationship with this chick? From what I can sense, you will be sitting around waiting for replies or calls and summers while this chick is perhaps living it up. Find yourself a local boo... Good Luck!
D-Lish Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Have you not noticed her pattern of pulling away and ignoring you every time you suggest a meeting? What does that say to you?
Author Marco7 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 (edited) Have you not noticed her pattern of pulling away and ignoring you every time you suggest a meeting? What does that say to you? Yeah I think it says a lot.. No I am not waiting any calls right now.. You could say I am on a cooldown period. Wondering about stuff.. I think I should follow your advice and let go. At least until the circumstances change.. Edited October 27, 2010 by Marco7
Mimolicious Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Untile the circumstances change? What is it that you are expecting to change?
D-Lish Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Yeah I think it says a lot.. No I am not waiting any calls right now.. You could say I am on a cooldown period. Wondering about stuff.. I think I should follow your advice I didn't give you any advice yet my friend, lol. But I will! The fact that everytime you try to set up a meeting she becomes incredibly busy and unable to respond to you says a lot about how invested she is in being with you. Just think about how much you like this girl, and think about how quickly you would respond to a request from her to come visit you! Would you wait a week and then have a "sorry I was busy" response? Would you keep coming up with excuses to delay the visit? No, you wouldn't- and why wouldn't you? Because you are invested in her. The only reason someone would play this wishy-washy game with you is because they aren't invested in the process. I think it's time to stop making excuses for her and start looking for love elsewhere. The first love is the hardest to get over, but waiting for her to "come around" isn't the best avenue for you to pursue. Don't allow her to manipulate you anymore, take a stand and start living your life with the outlook that every moment you spend wasting your time on this girl prevents you from meeting another love of your life!
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