young&inlove Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Well, to start off, my hubs and I will have our 2 year anniversary next month (so excited!). We are both pretty young (both 21), and I was hoping to get some advice from those who have been married for a while or even who are as young as the two of us. The other day, my hubs and I got into a pretty big fight. It was about me, money and all the problems we have or had. Things such as we are broke and I took a second job as a part time personal assistant/nanny to a very wealthy family. Some things that I do is pick them up in the mornings (which is out of my way to my first job), take care of the girls homework, help with the mom with whatever it is she needs. We are barely making it with money right now just to get over the debt hump. I have to drive and we have one car, it makes this super hard on my husband who also has two jobs and needs a way around. We have made it work for the last month some how. Anyways, in our fight, he told me he has NO trust for and in me whatsoever. Its pretty depressing that he said that. I am the one who doesn’t have trust for him when he broke that to sleep with my best friend in January of this year. We reconciled and are "trying" to work things out. It’s really hard. He tends to say stupid things like, have fun talking to your boyfriend" or dumb things like that. I HAVE NOT CHEATED! Nor will I. I am in love with my man. Him cheating on me was so very hard on me and I wouldn’t want to put that same pain on him. EVER. I need to know how I can prove or show him that I don’t have another man. I haven’t given him any reason to think that I do or that I am cheating, well that I know of. I do stupid things for stupid reasons and I don’t think ahead most of the time. I don’t know if that is why he has this "idea" or "feeling". Any advice would be great. Thanks!
j-roxxx Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 First off, congrats on your anniversary! Now the fun part. I too, like your hubby, had an affair. Mine wasn't physical, it was all online, but an affair none-the-less. The sad thing is, and I am speaking from MY experience and I am treating my wife sp poorly right now. He is most likely insecure with his thoughts and feelings because of what he did. I know my wife isn't cheating on me, nor would she with out ending our marriage. I treat her bad for no reason other than my OWN insecurities!! You my dear, have NO reason to prove that you don't have another man! I should think that it's the other way around! He should be proving to you that he doesn't have another woman! As a man that strayed, all I can say is, get him to talk! Talk about his affair, talk about his feelings, talk about your marriage. Get to the root of why he had the affair. I say this because, it took me quite possibly too long to figure my OWN crap out. Counselling can help if you are both willing. I'm praying for you and if the work is worth it, the end result can be great. Hope this helps
Author young&inlove Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 Thanks for your reply! I talked with the hubs for hours for days when I found out he cheated. I wanted to know everything. He told me just that, everything. The only thing that he couldn’t tell me was why he did it. The only reason he could come up with was because he was depressed, we were fighting and it was close to the end for us. He said he didn’t know why. I now don’t know why he feels the way he does. I don’t think that he is meaning it in a joking manor because it is so frequent. I don’t have any guy friends or guys numbers for that matter. I don’t know. We are both a little on edge with bills and all that not so fun stuff. It’s all just so confusing.
painfullyobvious Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Thanks for your reply! I talked with the hubs for hours for days when I found out he cheated. I wanted to know everything. He told me just that, everything. The only thing that he couldn’t tell me was why he did it. The only reason he could come up with was because he was depressed, we were fighting and it was close to the end for us. He said he didn’t know why. I now don’t know why he feels the way he does. I don’t think that he is meaning it in a joking manor because it is so frequent. I don’t have any guy friends or guys numbers for that matter. I don’t know. We are both a little on edge with bills and all that not so fun stuff. It’s all just so confusing. A common symptom of those who have cheated or recovery from cheating is to accusse their spouse/partner of cheating because they are/did. If their significant other finds out about their misbehaving they become paranoid aboid revenge affairs, consequences, etc. Sounds to me like he is projecting and is insecure.
Crazy Magnet Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 My exH accused me of cheating ALL the time. Turns out he was the one dipping his stick in various places. In my experience it's the ones who are currently or who have betrayed their lover who do all the accusing.
Author young&inlove Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 Oh Boy. I really hope you are wrong. I will be so crushed if he is up to no good again. What signs should I be looking for this time? He deleted his Facebook and that was the main way I thought he would be "hooking up". Last time it was easy to see the sign since it was with my best friend and he was able to talk to her freely. I don’t know what to do if he is having an A again... Hmm... Guess its time to plan just in case huh?
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