bl22 Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Well I've posted my story before, was with a very kind hearted loving beautiful person for 2 years, this month shes left me for someone else and become a cold hearted, diferent person to me. I'd been in no contact for around 3 weeks now, but today I was speakin to a friend about her, this friend then goes and trys to add my ex on facebook for some stupid reason. I had no idea. I get home from the gym today to find my ex has sent me a message, before i could read it, i was nervous thinking she might be wanting me back. But i find as I read it she calls me 'Pathetic' for getting my friends to add her, and to stop it, etc very abusive. I had a go at the 'friend' for doing that, but I really feel like writing a reply. 'Actually I had no idea and cant control what others do, I think we both know your the pathetic one here, you backstabbing bitch' Or just no contact and ignore it? I asked someone and they said dont let her get away with saying **** like that to you, but I'd like your opinions before I decide....
Nkognito Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Go no contact. Block her on facebook and kick you friend off your friends list. Or better yet just deactiivate your account. Any response you give here will reaffirm the "patheticness" she has blanketed over you in her mind. Your friend on the other hand is a douche for doing that, regardless of intentions. Friends should NEVER get involved at all. If you deactivate your account or block her, then the message will just vanish. You can respond with something simple if you need to get it out there but after that go no contact. You can reply with "I did not ask them to do that, please stop contacting me". That is the best advice I have.
Chance_taker Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 I wouldn't reply nasty. In fact I'd be the better person and explain what happened and make her feel like crap for being that way. If she gets to you and you show her she wins and she can justify talking to you like that. IMO if you're the bigger man you win. I know if I were in your shoes I'd love to blast her back but where will that get you?
reknown29 Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 do not respond with a nasty response!!! you are better than that! if you give any repsonse, just give a calm, i didnt know he was doing that... short and to the point. better yet. no contact! if you can, I know its hard. think Clint Eastwood.
Am4Real Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Or just no contact and ignore it? I asked someone and they said dont let her get away with saying **** like that to you, but I'd like your opinions before I decide.... Nkognito is absolutely correct in his advice to you I would not respond and here’s why… Do you REALLY care what she thinks, I mean really care? You describe her as cold; perhaps there is previous history between you that has brought on this attitude and perhaps not. Regardless this is the present day and the past is irrelevant. What will become relevant is a “war of words” or some actions that bring upon an "endless battle" of wills. The battles should be over – and there should be no WAR OF WORDS. It’s time to move on and get over her and find yourself as the good person you really are. Let her think what she wants – it makes her feel in control and as soon as you no longer respond to her she will have lost control and will get desperate to get your attention – just watch!! As Nkognito said, block her from FaceBook and whatever else you use and restrict friends and friends of friends or whatever else it takes….if you’re still tempted to check on her then delete or deactivate your account all together. You will not regret such a decision and can always come back on line in 6 plus months or more. Best wishes, Am4Real
Author bl22 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 just replied with what Nkognito said. I'd have loved to just do no contact but knowing her as I do, she would get it in her head that I got someone to add her and then was too embaresed to reply to what she said, making me look pathetic. Deffo no contact now. It really absolutely astonishes me how someone so loving, caring, affectionate and sweet for 2 years can turn into someone so coldhearted and evil in the space of a month.
Am4Real Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 just replied with what Nkognito said. I'd have loved to just do no contact but knowing her as I do, she would get it in her head that I got someone to add her and then was too embaresed to reply to what she said, making me look pathetic. Unfortunately my friend you just gave up control and put her back in charge – watch what happens next; I’ll bet you get another nasty or invasive message from her because no matter what you say she will not believe you and see you as desperate. I mean not to offend you, by-the-way, that’s just the way it works. Do let us know how it turns out and know we’re all here for you. Best wishes, Am4Real
Author bl22 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 thanks for the responses everyone, dont worry 'Am4real' I dont feel shes in control as I'm not holding out hope anymore. I'm begining to get used to NC so i know how to cope now. If she says anything else Ill post on here and definately wont be replying. I know full well sometime soon it will hit home just what shes lost. I stuck by her when nobody else would, I was there for her and always faithful. We don't have any bad history atall up until this month so i dont see where this has come from.
Nkognito Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 just replied with what Nkognito said. Hopefully you put in the last part "Please stop contacting me". Now you just need to block her or deactivate your facebook. Give it a few months at least but she'll be around poking or proding. I definately don't trust your friend. There is no reason they need to get involved and then just leaving you hanging like that with her "assuming" you put them up to it. If they are not going to openly tell her they added her on their own free will, then I would question their intentions or drop them too. But everyone else here is right, you need to be the bigger man about this. She'll call (dumpers always do) and when she does, let it go to voicemail, give it a few days then chime in here with what it said. I am sure Don, Ajax, Am, Tro or any number of the veterans here will have some good input for you.
Am4Real Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 just replied with what Nkognito said. I'd have loved to just do no contact but knowing her as I do, she would get it in her head that I got someone to add her and then was too embaresed to reply to what she said, making me look pathetic. Deffo no contact now. It really absolutely astonishes me how someone so loving, caring, affectionate and sweet for 2 years can turn into someone so coldhearted and evil in the space of a month. In an earlier post I asked you Do you REALLY care what she thinks, I mean really care? Although you didn't answer the question directly your actions seem to indicate you do care what she thinks and that is likely to keep you drawn into the back and forth tug-of-war. Use caution and stay firm in NO CONTACT no matter what transpires...is my advice to you. The exception and only exception is contact from her stating she made a huge mistake and will do whatever it takes to be back in your arms...anything else short of those words will continue to bother you in ways unique to you.
strength-abounds Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 just replied with what Nkognito said. I'd have loved to just do no contact but knowing her as I do, she would get it in her head that I got someone to add her and then was too embaresed to reply to what she said, making me look pathetic. Deffo no contact now. It really absolutely astonishes me how someone so loving, caring, affectionate and sweet for 2 years can turn into someone so coldhearted and evil in the space of a month. Nothing astonishes me about women anymore.
Author bl22 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 Im not gonna lie yes i do care what she thinks. We were together 2 years known each other 2 and half years and all this has come about since the start of October. She was the love of my life, of course I'm going to care what she thinks of me. I want her to regret the pain n torture shes put me through and remember we shared beautiful moments together that are now ruined by her betrayal. I cant just not care, I wish I could.
LovelyDaze Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I want her to regret the pain n torture shes put me through and remember we shared beautiful moments together that are now ruined by her betrayal. I cant just not care, I wish I could. The only way she will be able to regret what you had in the past is for you to disappear from her life. As the other LS members stated, you don't need to get into a battle with her just to stay fresh on her mind. Your ex doesn't have Alzheimer's, she knows very well how you feel about things. Some exes love the idea that someone (i.e. the dumpee) is pining for them so they stay in minimal contact for their own entertainment. Not saying that there was no real love there during your relationship but things have changed. Let go. Drop the subject of responding and move on. Actions speak much louder then words ever can. Staying silent says a million things to an ex.
Mimolicious Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Nothing astonishes me about women anymore. Do you copy and paste the same reply around LS? Just wondering... What does it have to do with gender? Men have do, do and will do this and more pathetic things, so your point is. Actually OP, why can your friend (who added her) send her a message taking resposibility? After all, they added her not you. Unless you really insinuated to your friend to add her.
Author bl22 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 She added her cause she was being nosey, when i read the message from my ex to me i told the friend to stay out of my business and dont bother trying out like that again. So sending a message would be a bad idea. And no I didnt 'insinuate' to add her, I have no reason to lie here guys I'm simply looking for the best advice.
Am4Real Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Dear Bl22, I’m glad you can admit “you still care what she thinks” in that you are being honest with yourself and this forum, however this caring about her thoughts of you will hold you back from eventual healing. Neither I nor anyone else expects you to turn off your thoughts, memories and cares for this past partner. All of us who have been through similar experiences know that is near if not impossible. We will also let you know until you begin a firm and steady healing plan, the former mentionable will be replayed over and over in your head and deliver you well into emotional anxiety. Now that you have responded to her to clarify a misunderstanding regarding a friend and a social media outlet, let her go. Stay firm in NO CONTACT and put into action a plan to keep busy, make new friends and anything to keep your mind occupied. In time these memories and cares will lessen, but will only do so when you cease all communications with her, for every time you respond to her liken it to going back to day-one post break-up and those tied emotions.
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