pieturli Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 (edited) Well my situation is this: my girlfriend recently pretty recently announced that she was unsure of our relationship. After talking it through, we both realized that we are in the stage of longish relationships where the falling-in-love-phase is ending and the reality has set in. She says she loves me and loves spending time with me, but is unsure of whether or not she wants a relationship at this stage in her life. She is only 19, so that is understandable. I'm only 20 myself. Initially I suggested breaking up, thinking that it would probably be the best bet, and she agreed. The next day however, she called me and asked if we could try a break instead. The problem according to her is that her feelings fluctuate rapidly, one day being absolutely certain that she wants the single life, and then the next day longing to be with me. So, the break is due to end any day now, and I just wanted to ask if anyone else has been in a similar situation. I am well aware that this could be the end of our relationship, in fact it seems quite probable. However, I'm unable to shake that hopeless optimist in my head that says we might actually make this work. I know some couples who have gotten back together after a break, and also some who haven't. Seems this one could go either way... Anyways, comments? Suggestions? Experiences? Post away! (we have agreed upon rules, this wasn't some "lets see if we can find someone better" kind of break:)) Edited October 26, 2010 by pieturli forgot:
Alobar Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 This seems to be a really common thing amongst women. From what I've gathered it either means: A) she wants to see if theres something better out there (despite saying otherwise) B) She wants to break up but doesn't want to deal with the shock of it so is trying to do it in stages (small break, longer break, see other people, etc) C) She's bored and wants something more exciting (either someone else or for you to mix things up) I could very well be wrong about that, but that's what it strikes me as initially. This kind of thing happened to me and I repeatedly tried to talk to her about it, which I think only made things worse by making me come off as needy, clingy and worried (all things which I wouldn't normally attribute to myself). My advice (again, could be wrong) is to back off and show her that you're totally fine on your own (even if you aren't). From my experience, women tend to want what they cannot have or isn't readily available to them. If you throw yourself at her when shes "unsure", it might make her disinterested. Be nice and polite but don't complain TO her about things (who really wants to hear someone bitch when you aren't even sure you want to be with them), don't ask her how she feels incessantly, and keep yourself freakin' busy so you can handle all that! It's tough having to do it (I'm going through something almost identical) and I wish I had just come onto these forums to vent rather than start fights with her. Fights just make her want to be as far away from you as possible, which is the opposite reaction that we're hoping for here. Keep me posted.
Author pieturli Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 Well, we are back together now. She in fact called me not 20 minutes after I posted here for the first time, and its official now. She told me that during the break she had a lot of time to hang out with friends and just be alone, and all of that made her understand that she doesn't really miss being single as such, she just misses her friends and her alone time. There are still some things we need to work out to make everything alright again, but as of now, we are back together. We just need to keep doing stuff with our friends instead of spending every waking moment together:) I hope everything works out between you and the your lady. Thanks for the advice, I also realized that it might not be a good idea to bitch and moan about everything, just taking it easy now:)
PegNosePete Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 It is important to keep your friends and alone time, even when in a relationship. You should encourage her to do so, and do it yourself as well.
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