WowReally Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 He wants this whole situation tied up in a nice little bow so he can go back to his old life semi guilt free...Ive got so many mixed feelings about the whole thing disappointment being a big emotion. I see him changing already to conform to the life he's going back to and it's just so SAD. Right now as I type Im not willing to tie things up all nice and neat for the wake and funeral of this relationship because it's going to make things ok in the end in his mind. My ego is so bruised right now. I know my feelings for him have shifted as Ive connected some dots and again find myself more disappointed, ashamed and embarrassed that I most likely saw him in a light that I wanted to see rather than what was really there. Where was my common sense? What happened to my mind??????? So mad at and disappointed in myself. So much for knowing better. Oy what a naive move to get involved with a married man as separated and emotionally disconnected from his spouse as he seemed. Now I know history repeats itself first hand. I got played - what a life lesson.
skywriter Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 We are all living and learning. We just gotta pick ourselves up and keep on living.
bentnotbroken Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Life is a constant lesson. The hope is that we learn from our actions and we don't repeat the same grade level.
Confused4Now Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 He wants this whole situation tied up in a nice little bow so he can go back to his old life semi guilt free...Ive got so many mixed feelings about the whole thing disappointment being a big emotion. I see him changing already to conform to the life he's going back to and it's just so SAD. Right now as I type Im not willing to tie things up all nice and neat for the wake and funeral of this relationship because it's going to make things ok in the end in his mind. My ego is so bruised right now. I know my feelings for him have shifted as Ive connected some dots and again find myself more disappointed, ashamed and embarrassed that I most likely saw him in a light that I wanted to see rather than what was really there. Where was my common sense? What happened to my mind??????? So mad at and disappointed in myself. So much for knowing better. Oy what a naive move to get involved with a married man as separated and emotionally disconnected from his spouse as he seemed. Now I know history repeats itself first hand. I got played - what a life lesson.and this lesson you learn will keep you from making that same mistake again I can assure you that. It did me. Everything you said is what I experienced but that was a long while ago....trust me you'll get there.
Mimolicious Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Life is a constant lesson but a worthless one if we don't learn from them. I wish you strength and take one day at a time.
Owl Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 The real thing to consider here is...what will it take for YOU to wrap this up and move on? What will it take for you to start your own healing process? Is that "wake and funeral" something that YOU need in order to come to the end of it all? I understand not wanting to put a bow on it for him...but what do you need to help YOU? That should be your focus at this point, my friend.
2sure Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Hey, its your "WTF" moment. Embrace the lesson and stop kicking yourself.
spice4life Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 I agree with owl. What is it going to take for you to move on? If the A is truly over then why even be plutonic friends? You might not want to hear this, but staying in contact as "friends" is showing on some level that you have hope he will change his mind. What are you getting out of the communication you have with him? The truth is, he is probably getting an ego boost out of them because it shows that you are still on the hook. You can color it any way you want, but you are still holding onto hope. I don't mean to sound crass but if you aren't even getting an orgasim out of it what's the point? (Sarcasim is twd him not you) I wouldn't give him his nice neat little bow. I would go NC immediately and not look back. Why stroke his ego? Why let him call the shots on how this ends? More importantly, why are you letting yourself witness this slow painful death? You are hurting and you need to take your personal power back. One way to do that is to go NC and begin healing. Let his wife stroke his ego now.
YellowShark Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 He wants this whole situation tied up in a nice little bow so he can go back to his old life semi guilt free... I see him changing already to conform to the life he's going back to and it's just so SAD. I got played - what a life lesson. I always wonder what the OW gets out of these relationships with married men. His "old" life is actually his real life, his affair was his fake life. You didn't get played, you got what he could only give you. Sorry that you are going through this. I see it replayed over and over and over again in this section of Loveshack. All the best. Stay strong.
pureinheart Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 He wants this whole situation tied up in a nice little bow so he can go back to his old life semi guilt free...Ive got so many mixed feelings about the whole thing disappointment being a big emotion. I see him changing already to conform to the life he's going back to and it's just so SAD. Right now as I type Im not willing to tie things up all nice and neat for the wake and funeral of this relationship because it's going to make things ok in the end in his mind. My ego is so bruised right now. I know my feelings for him have shifted as Ive connected some dots and again find myself more disappointed, ashamed and embarrassed that I most likely saw him in a light that I wanted to see rather than what was really there. Where was my common sense? What happened to my mind??????? So mad at and disappointed in myself. So much for knowing better. Oy what a naive move to get involved with a married man as separated and emotionally disconnected from his spouse as he seemed. Now I know history repeats itself first hand. I got played - what a life lesson. You didn't get played, if you were real then I say you didn't. FTR, it's not a nice neat little package. He had an EMA for a reason, only he knows the exact reason. Whether it be escaping from a bad M or escaping from committment or whatever, his life is not all that great, or his old life either...he's only holding "one pair" IMO. YOU on the other hand, have a royal flush! You are free and clear to do what you want, meet a really nice person and for real be happy! Your glass is all the way filled now....
ladydesigner Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 I agree with owl. What is it going to take for you to move on? If the A is truly over then why even be plutonic friends? You might not want to hear this, but staying in contact as "friends" is showing on some level that you have hope he will change his mind. What are you getting out of the communication you have with him? The truth is, he is probably getting an ego boost out of them because it shows that you are still on the hook. You can color it any way you want, but you are still holding onto hope. I don't mean to sound crass but if you aren't even getting an orgasim out of it what's the point? (Sarcasim is twd him not you) I wouldn't give him his nice neat little bow. I would go NC immediately and not look back. Why stroke his ego? Why let him call the shots on how this ends? More importantly, why are you letting yourself witness this slow painful death? You are hurting and you need to take your personal power back. One way to do that is to go NC and begin healing. Let his wife stroke his ego now. *hands clapping* Very well said. The bolded is so true and I pulled that ego boost out from under my XAP's feet. I agree with this post go NC. Stop feeding the ego! Get your power back. F HIM:laugh: Plus you get to heal from the NC as well. It's the added benefit.
Author WowReally Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 I agree with owl. What is it going to take for you to move on? If the A is truly over then why even be plutonic friends? You might not want to hear this, but staying in contact as "friends" is showing on some level that you have hope he will change his mind. What are you getting out of the communication you have with him? The truth is, he is probably getting an ego boost out of them because it shows that you are still on the hook. You can color it any way you want, but you are still holding onto hope. LOL - no it's over. He's running back home with his tail between his legs again. When he leaves dodge we will not be in contact on any level. I wouldn't give him his nice neat little bow. I would go NC immediately and not look back. Why stroke his ego? Why let him call the shots on how this ends? More importantly, why are you letting yourself witness this slow painful death? You are hurting and you need to take your personal power back. One way to do that is to go NC and begin healing. Let his wife stroke his ego now. Maybe you havent been reading my posts but this has been on it's way out for awhile now. We were NC for the majority of Oct until we weren't. Id love to tell him to F off and walk away but Im not like that. I'll probably end things as civil as possible. It's a small world out there - not worth burning bridges.
Author WowReally Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 You didn't get played, if you were real then I say you didn't. FTR, it's not a nice neat little package. He had an EMA for a reason, only he knows the exact reason. Whether it be escaping from a bad M or escaping from committment or whatever, his life is not all that great, or his old life either...he's only holding "one pair" IMO. Nice card analogy YOU on the other hand, have a royal flush! You are free and clear to do what you want, meet a really nice person and for real be happy! Your glass is all the way filled now.... Thank you - I appreciate the shove forward
Author WowReally Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 I always wonder what the OW gets out of these relationships with married men. His "old" life is actually his real life, his affair was his fake life. You didn't get played, you got what he could only give you. True. Well he gave me alot more than what some of these other cheaters have given some of these other APs. I will never feel animosity towards him and visa versa. He never threw me under the bus and never ran from the picture without wanting closure. He never promised me anything that he couldnt deliver on and for that Im grateful.
Author WowReally Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 The real thing to consider here is...what will it take for YOU to wrap this up and move on? What will it take for you to start your own healing process? Is that "wake and funeral" something that YOU need in order to come to the end of it all? I understand not wanting to put a bow on it for him...but what do you need to help YOU? That should be your focus at this point, my friend. Yes and I really dont know - normally I just walk away and not give things a second thought when I end things. It'll all go down the way it's supposed to Thank you
spice4life Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 LOL - no it's over. He's running back home with his tail between his legs again. When he leaves dodge we will not be in contact on any level. Maybe you havent been reading my posts but this has been on it's way out for awhile now. We were NC for the majority of Oct until we weren't. Id love to tell him to F off and walk away but Im not like that. I'll probably end things as civil as possible. It's a small world out there - not worth burning bridges. Understood. Was reading during a break so I didn't get chance to read the history. If you don't mind me asking, waht does getting out of dodge mean?
bentnotbroken Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Understood. Was reading during a break so I didn't get chance to read the history. If you don't mind me asking, waht does getting out of dodge mean? Dodge. A reference to a city of the old west. When people left town they were getting out of Dodge. It was also the setting for a tv show in the seventies called Gunsmoke.
Author WowReally Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 If you don't mind me asking, waht does getting out of dodge mean? It's just a cute little saying that means he's going to be leaving the area...my area. They have a house about a half hour away
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