nineyearsgone79 Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Hey Guys... It has been a very hard week no thanks to the help of me. Well I've been broken up now for almost 14 months . I was in a 9 year relationship with this guy (LD part of the time.) He broke up with me last august in an email with no closure nor explanation. I wrote him for months seeking some sort of explanation to understand. He didn't respond back until Thanksgiving when he sent me a list of things he had grown tired of about me. A week before I received the email things seemed fine he had even invited me to his sisters wedding which was this past 10/10/10. Ugh.. so well yes the wedding has come and gone and his sister is still facebook friends with me. He defriended and blocked me also on twitter the day he sent me the breakup email.. I was devastated and still am not at all 100%. So .. stupid me looked through the pics.. there were many shots of him there with his sisters (now husbands).. sister. I had suspected that he might have met someone else although that was never in his character .. although nor was dissappearing from me forever.. I thought. :/ It looks like they were both in the wedding party .. lots of dancing pics and smiling and always next to each other.. although a year ago she was in a relationship with someone else too.. harumf.. Anyway I duno whatever to all this but I have not stopped missing him 1 single day since. It just eats at me and eats at me.. and now the wounds feel freshly opened. I know i did this to myself but god i miss him. Why did he have to be so harsh to me and toss me away.. that was never the person I had come to known. I so badly want to write him an email that simply says... i still miss our friendship I'm struggly now not to.. he had told me in his initial breakup email and the one on thanksgiving to not contact him and that he was writing me to never hear from me again. How can someone be so heartless?? I'm now 31 and am rebuilding my life.. I missed out on my 20's to be dumped by email .. how is this possible.. what did I do so wrong that he holds this grudge on to me. We didn't even have a a fight.. he simply disappeared for 3 days from the phone and internet and then bam the email that had the subject: i'm not dead I duno.. thoughts please.. just venting and i feel like i'm back to square one.. i should have never peaked at the photos but i felt I've had this big question mark in my head since the email arrived over a year ago
Author nineyearsgone79 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 oh yes what else really is bothering me is that she seemed waiting in the wings.. he seemed to not miss me or grieve the relationship 1 minute.. didn't skip a beat.. This is coming from someone who would cry with me when we would have to say our goodbyes after visits.. someone who would make me little cards and paintings and told me he loved me .. Where did his heart go.. or sense of doing this in a kind way at least.. it seemed like he was holding in anger.. why else would someone run away like that and never talk to me again. How has he not had a moment of second guessing.. any weekness to reconnect .. he seemed so set in his position. He use to call me his "wee".. as in his little one.
Lost Fish Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 hi nineyears, It feels like you are back at square one because you are. Seeing him with the girl at the wedding was a bad idea. You have to stop caring about what's going on in his life and focus on you. What he does with himself and his life no longer holds any weight to the woman you are. I want you to really look at how he treated you through the breakup. Why would you want to be with someone who has thrown you away so callously? It's time to let yourself mourn and move forward. Go NC. Get off facebook - and really you should unfriend his sister (send her a short note to explain no hard feelings if you must). You have to treat the breakup much like you are breaking an addiction because in a way that is what it is. 14 months of your life have gone by and it is time to start refocusing your energy because the way things are right now are definitely not working for you. Reconnect with the individual you were before the relationship. Lastly, I know how much it hurts. I know it feels like you are all alone, but you truly aren't. And there is a better dude out there, but how will he ever have a shot with you if you are wasting your heart on something that isn't there? Use these forums as a guide and a crutch. There are a lot of good people here. Definitely do NOT write him about "missing our friendship." You are not ready to be friends and you may never be. I know this sounds harsh but I'm trying to give you the best advice for you to start moving forward and retake control of your life. Best of luck.
dreamingoftigers Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 That really sucks!!! What a jerk for doing that. My guess is that she was not "waiting in the wings" as you thing. I think she was raiding the nest a little before that. Know that this is probably what happened. Keep busy, read, listen to music, meet up with friends and grieve. Find someone better! It shouldn't be hard to find someone that won't dump you via email.
dreamingoftigers Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 That really sucks!!! What a jerk for doing that. My guess is that she was not "waiting in the wings" as you thing. I think she was raiding the nest a little before that. Know that this is probably what happened. Keep busy, read, listen to music, meet up with friends and grieve. Find someone better! It shouldn't be hard to find someone that won't dump you via email. Oh whoops, I didn't realize it was 14 months ago. My bad.
Fouts Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Breakups don't happen overnight. They only feel like that to the person getting dumped. The dumper has usually been contemplating it for a LONG time, but for the most part people will wait until they find someone else to replace you and then BAM, you get dumped. For your own mental health you have to stop obsessing and stalking over him.
WTRanger Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 In situations like these, you have to create your own closure which is a tough thing to do. You are also only remembering the good times, the good qualities about him thus you miss him so much. Remember this is the spineless jellyfish of a man who broke up with you over email! He couldn't even care enough to call! He couldn't care enough to respond, he immediately wanted you to never contact him again. Why, how convenient and conflicting avoiding of him! That is the scumbag you need to start to remember. You have to see that your Prince Charming has horrible broccoli farts and picks his nose daily. He also had this planned for a long time coming. He did his grieving long ago, which is why he seems so cold these days. A lot of us on this board have dealt with someone we care about simply disappearing on us. It's tough, and I agree with you that I'd rather have a good old fashioned fight than this.
Author nineyearsgone79 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 Yeah.. I know you guys are right about this and that I need to just find my own closure and push forward. I was doing really well.. working out, cleaned up my place, making friends etc... and this felt like a big mental setback for me.. caused me me. Today I woke up with a cracking headache and what felt like a post relationship hangover.. had a nightmare with him in it last night. However, I got up, ate breakfast, went to the gym, then my best friend called and we talked about funny stupid stuff... non ex related. What you guys mentioned about him checking out of the relationship long before does help bring a bit of sanity to the situation. I had been beating myself up wondering why am i the only one sad here. What is so wrong with me that i'm feeling these emotions of loss. He had told me in the last letter that he felt i was to emotional in my last letter and that had cemented his decision. The thing is I had been really kind for months.. simply asking what happened and trying to see if we could have a friendship or at least be on speaking terms later on. However, all of that seemed not even a possibility in his head. He had totally written me off. It had seemed as if he had been angry and was holding a grudge but i wasn't away of what the grudge was even from or if there was one. He said the breakup was inevitable.. I never thought he even pondered it ya know? but anyway thank you guys for writing.. and I am trying to make today anew and get back on track.. minus his sisters facebook friendship. I clearly can't nor probably ever will be able to handle seeing photos of him again. All i could see is someone really happy with someone who was suppose to be me....
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