Dumped her, and now I want her back

[Yeahdude22]

first time posting here, so id really appreciate the help from anybody. I am 20 and my ex is 21.

 

So i began dating this girl during the summer, and everything was perfect. We clicked instantly and everything felt right from day one. The day i met her i knew i wanted her to be more then just another girl (i have never been a relationship guy, i have always been more one night stands, or hung out with a girl for a while, and then moved on cause of boredom, and she was always girlfriend guy, with 2 long relationships before we met). The first 3 months or so were great, and neither of us had any complaints. However once school started back up we started getting into fights over mostly petty stuff, most of the time i would get mad at her over something that shouldnt be that big of a deal, and ignore her and she would beg me to forgive her, and id be a hard ass for a few days, and then forget about it and get back on track with the relationship.

 

However for 2 months or so we would fight every weekend, and then make up a few days later, and do this over and over again. (every single time id be the one getting upset). 2 weeks ago we had a very bad fight, and i broke up with her and told her that this needed to happen because she was not putting in the work to make things work, hence why we would fight every weekend. She cried when i broke up with her, and said she didnt want to be done, and that she missed me already because i was different than anyone shes ever met before. She constantly said that i was the only person that had been with her that treated her well, and that i was the best thing thats ever happened to her, and that she didnt want to ever be done with me, etc.

 

Well after the break up I went NC for about 2 weeks, deleted her on fb, BBM, all those things. She tried contacting me a few times but i never responded and just let it go. Finally on Friday, for whatever reason i decided to add her back on FB. She texted me right away and asked why i deleted her and then added her back. I told her i felt it was immature and i had been thinking about things, we got into a long talk about how we both felt things were unresolved between us, and that things didnt feel right, and how she missed me, but at that point in time she couldnt be the girlfriend i wanted her to be and that would always be our downfall. i agreed and we both told each other we wanted to make things work, but i was worried i was just prolonging the break up for another day, and that she wanted things to work but she didnt want to keep making petty mistakes and having me fight with her. She also said i dont want you to ever think i wasnt thinking about you, and that this has been easy on her, and that she will always love me.

 

I will admit that for the first 3 months of the relationship i was very easy going whenever we went out i didnt have a problem with us being in the same place but not being with each other for that entire time, since at the end of the we would go home together anyways, and i wanted to be with my friends and she wanted to be with hers. However i did change and became more controlling, and upset over little things. And instead of just waiting for things to cool off and discussing the problems when we were alone, id try and talk to her about it in a social setting, and as we all know it is almost impossible to reason with an extremely upset women, especially in public.

 

So after our long talk, she texted me again in the morning and we were just having small talk, i was pretty short but not rude, i would wait a while to respond, and she would grow antsy and text me again, asking why i was taking so long to respond and etc. That same night i was out with a group of friends, and she was out with a group of her friends, and she texted me saying she was talking about me to a mutual friends of ours, and then she said she missed me. I ignored her saying that and just talked about something else. We eventually decided to go to the library to study together the following day, when i came to pick her up, she gave me a hug and told me how she thought i didnt like her anymore, even though she still did. She asked me how i had been since we hadnt talked in 2 weeks, and how she wanted to talk to me and hang out with me but she didnt because she was trying to respect what i wanted. (all the other times we fought she would beg, and message me, and show up at my house.) We went to the library and when i was done i told her i was leaving (she had to stay longer for a meeting) and began walking away, she called me back and asked if i wasnt gonna give her a hug? she grabbed me and hugged me and we just kinda sat there and starred into each others eyes and smiled (as if we were just about to kiss) and then i walked away. Before i even got into the parking lot of the library she texted me saying thank you for having such a productive day with her and etc. We talked a little bit that night, and eventually i stopped texting her and went to bed. She texted me in the morning asking how my night was, and we had even more small talk, and she asked me if i wanted to walk to class with her (we always did while we were together) i told her id walk back with her since i was getting a ride there. We walked back together and talked about our classes, until we got to my house, i told her bye and she went home. She eventually texted me later in the night asking about a girl that posted something on my FB wall, and how she heard i liked her. I just brushed it off and we had even more small talk till we both eventually went to bed.

 

I havent initiated any contact with her, shes texted me and called me first, and asked to hang out, and keeps messaging me even if im short with her, and take forever to respond to her.

 

Heres my dilemma, i know if i had a talk with her and was told her we should work on things, etc. We would get back together and everything would be fine at first. However since she is "confused" about not being able to be the girlfriend i want her to be, and i really want to avoid the same process of fighting, and making up again constantly, i dont know what i should do. I want to be with her, but i feel like at this point im setting myself up for failure, i also do not want to push her away and have her move on, and then it would really be too late for us. Advice please???

sorry for the long rant guys!

Edited October 26, 2010 by Yeahdude22

[strength-abounds]

Dude

 

I'm going to blunt with you. If anyone has to "form" a woman into a girlfirend, then that relationship is doomed from the beginning.

 

You can try and try and try to mold a woman into the perfect woman for you, however a leopard never changes its spots.

 

Let her go and move on. Find a woman that you do not have to "form".

[Yeahdude22]

i understand what your saying, but for the first few months she was the "perfect" girlfriend. which is what confuses me so much about the situation. shes done it before, however now it is i different. If she had never been that person, then i wouldnt have a problem with this whole thing.

[Livelovelearn]

my friend, the first couple of months even the first year is called the honey moon period..from a females perspective, she seems to like you alot...she is trying and yet in my eyes you continuously reject her. If you are unsure of her, or if you think you will date her only to eventually not be satisfied with the person that she is, let her go. She sounds like a nice girl not into playing games so let her find someone who can accept her for who she is. Im sure you want a perfect woman, but relationships are all about compromises. what have you ever compromised for her? since you are doing all the judging?......maybe you need to find someone just like you...id like to see how long that would last.. Anyway this girl likes you alot and it will hurt her but just let her go. Your indecisiveness is enough to let you know that you dont really want to be with her..its typical syndrome of not wanting someone but not wanting them to be with someone else. Let it go or make up your mind and accept her flaws and all. Im sure you got some as well.