Rate these 1st Email Ideas

[OceanGirl]

OK, I am going to try this with some random guy and report results

 

 

 

Hi, how are you?

 

x OceanGirl

 

P.S. I keep the shunken heads of ex-boyfriends in my freezer with my dead cats

[Tim The Enchanter]

Oh Lord! A whole email? A Whole email? You make it sound like I'm asking for some ****ing bone marrow! I was asking for a few sentences as an "example" you illiterate!

 

Why are you even bothering to post on my threads? You obviously don't like what I have to say, for reasons I can't understand.

 

I didn't ask you specifically to come on here. It's pretty obvious all your doing is trying to increase your post-count.

 

I'll post in whatever thread I please, buddy. What's your excuse? You've made four of five threads on the exact same subject matter. I see the same kind of incessant, stubborn behaviour from my three year old nephew.

 

I, like most of the people who have contributed to your threads, and whom you have totally ignored, have tried to help you. It's clear now that you have some pathological social inadequacy and a bad attitude to boot.

 

Good luck with ladies.

[OceanGirl]

As a girl I can tell you OP that I will respond to pretty much anything if I like

 

1) The pictures

2) The profile

 

If your first message reads: Hi, how is your week? or anything equally lame I would respond if 1) and 2) are good.

 

You are placing WAY too much weight on the first message.

 

The only advice is to make it more on the safe/boring side rather than make an attempt at humor or teasing.

[Surrealist]

OK, I am going to try this with some random guy and report results

 

 

 

Hi, how are you?

 

x OceanGirl

 

P.S. I keep the shunken heads of ex-boyfriends in my freezer with my dead cats

 

LOL there's too many crazies out there to dismiss something like this as mere humor. But you might find you attract some wackos likewise.

 

I can't see why you don't get any decent attention from your profile with just a 'Hi how are you? I like your profile. Are you interested in chatting? xx' Or something simple like that - that alerts the guy that you are interested.

[dispatch3d]

OK, I am going to try this with some random guy and report results

 

 

 

Hi, how are you?

 

x OceanGirl

 

P.S. I keep the shunken heads of ex-boyfriends in my freezer with my dead cats

 

So what are the results? I honestly believe most guys will reply.

[bac]

IMO you should not be into any extremes with the first emails.

 

One extreme is being too impersonal. For example, do not email her small talk with no meaning such as 'how are you doing, what are you up for weekend, the weather is great', and all other stuff with no real meaning and no real interest.

 

Another extreme is being too personal/open/unusual. For example, do not email her a lot of information about all details of your life, your opinions about anything especially about her and her profile because you do not know her yet, your suggections about anything, your humor, your negative qualities and other unusual things which might create misunderstanding. If you are not good at cars or whatever, you do not have to admit it in your first email.

 

IMO it is a good idea for the first emails to show some interest in her and get to know her. In other words, you might want just ask her several questions about her. If she is interested in you, she might ask you questions as well. The more normal/reasonable the questions are the better outcome should be.

Edited October 27, 2010 by bac

[leftfordead2]

OK, I am going to try this with some random guy and report results

 

 

 

Hi, how are you?

 

x OceanGirl

 

P.S. I keep the shunken heads of ex-boyfriends in my freezer with my dead cats

 

I would love to see the guy's reply, if he did that is.

[Philetus]

OK, I am going to try this with some random guy and report results

 

 

 

Hi, how are you?

 

x OceanGirl

 

P.S. I keep the shunken heads of ex-boyfriends in my freezer with my dead cats

 

 

I would totally respond to this even if I wasn't that interested in your picture/profile.

 

I'm a sucker for a girl with a fine sense of humour.

[Philetus]

For some reason, a lot of people are dead-set against giving examples of good online dating openers (for reasons I cannot grasp of being to understand; it's really not that big of a deal. I'm not asking for a kidney transplant)

 

Because a specific example in one case isn't going to be much good to you in the long run. You need to discover the qualities that make a good opening so you can reproduce it yourself without help.

 

 

This is a specific profile. The format is pretty typical of girls 18-24; run-on sentences; text-speak; no punctuation or proper casing; lots of vagueness with only scant specifics.

 

"Hey there..so idk wut to relli write in these things but here goes..im 20 i live by myself and work two jobs to try to support myself..i try to live my life to the fullest and make the best of everything although sometimes that isnt the easiest thing to do. I love meeting new people and am always will to talk. I love cars and im a certified auto mechanic i just graduated from XXXXXXXXXX =) If i sound at all intresting to you msg me..^.^"

 

"Title : Hey...

Message : ...So it's pretty awesome you work with cars; it's something I've kinda wanted to get into, but never had the chance to. You're definitely not a "dainty" girl, right?

 

So odd question. What's the weirdest or grossest thing you've ever found working on someone's car?"

 

That's really the best I could come up with. Be honest, and if you think it's wrong, please give me a specific example as to how to improve it.

 

My question to you is; if someone sent you that opening message, and you couldn't see what they looked like, would you respond? I wouldn't.

 

It's obvious that you're not into cars. "Kinda wanted to get in to"? How does someone never 'have the chance' to get into cars? It's phony. If you're going to choose the car route, connect with her about something. "That's cool about you being a mechanic. My uncle drove a 1967 Mustang. He loved that car and one of my greatest thrills was taking it for a drive. Do you ever get to work on old cars like that?"

 

But... if you relate to her this way with a story, make it TRUE and about you. If you got nothing... move on to something else.

 

"You're not dainty". Jeez, you may as wall call her 'butch'. You've just insulted her and you don't know her. I'd delete your email right there. Do not use sarcasm in early email messages.

 

Why are you asking that question about 'weirdest or grossest thing found while working on someone's car'? It's not a conversation starter, it's a conversations killer. Don't ask questions that make people think too much. Keep is simple, preferable personal. "Do you have a favourite car you like to work on?" Or, "What made you decide to be an auto-mechanic? Do you have family members who work in the same field?"

 

However, I think the car thing is the wrong way to go with this girl. She actually says quite a lot about who she is in her profile. She lives by herself, she works TWO jobs, it's not always easy, she likes to meet people and talk.

 

Do you live by yourself, or with roommates? Have you ever worked two jobs? Do you like to meet new people and talk?

 

If any of that is true about you, you have a way to connect. Show her that you can empathize with her. "Two jobs? I worked two jobs during the summer of 2008 and it just about killed me. I hope you're doing better at it than I did." "I see you live alone, too. I used to have roommates but they kept drinking my milk, so I had to give up dairy or live by myself. I chose dairy."

[D-Lish]

Your first message should be short, and of story.

I am fine with "hey, how are you? I'm X".

 

Inevitably, the girl will look at your pic's and decide pass or fail, the go on to read the rest of your profile.

 

Your pics sell you, first and foremost. You could have the most astounding first contact message ever written, but it will mean nothing if they don't like your pics.

[OceanGirl]

I would love to see the guy's reply, if he did that is.

 

 

OK, I have just sent it to 2 guys. We will see what happens

[OceanGirl]

Your first message should be short, and of story.

I am fine with "hey, how are you? I'm X".

 

Inevitably, the girl will look at your pic's and decide pass or fail, the go on to read the rest of your profile.

 

Your pics sell you, first and foremost. You could have the most astounding first contact message ever written, but it will mean nothing if they don't like your pics.

 

This. First message doesn't matter (as long as it's not sexual)

 

Give us a link to your profile and pics and then we might be able to help.

[krz12]

This. First message doesn't matter (as long as it's not sexual)

 

Give us a link to your profile and pics and then we might be able to help.

 

OceanGirl, can I take you up on that? Be blunt, please.

 

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/krz12

 

I think part of my problem is that I don't have one of those good outdoors type pics.

[OceanGirl]

OceanGirl, can I take you up on that? Be blunt, please.

 

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/krz12

 

I think part of my problem is that I don't have one of those good outdoors type pics.

 

I will give it to you straight: you have a reasonably attractive face but your pics give off the "boring" vibe. You also aren't smiling and OKC people have found that guys that smile on their pics get way more clicks. I hope you have nice white teeth though.

 

Also, 2 good pics is better than 4 mediocre ones. From your pics (and profile) it seems that all you do is stay at home and watch TV/play video games by yourself. You paint a picture of a loner which is not attractive.

 

I would add the following pics: one outdoorsy one, one smiling close up of your face from an attractive angle and one on some sort of night out with friends.

 

I would ditch the sitting on the couch pic ASAP.

 

OLD is all about marketing yourself the best that you can.

[krz12]

Thanks Ocean, that is really good input. I don't know if girls look for this, but I physically cannot smile with my teeth showing without looking like I am being tortured.

 

It has something to do with an overbite/jaw structure thing.

[Tim The Enchanter]

Because a specific example in one case isn't going to be much good to you in the long run. You need to discover the qualities that make a good opening so you can reproduce it yourself without help.

 

We've all been telling him that across the space of four threads. He doesn't listen.

[seekandfind]

OK, I am going to try this with some random guy and report results

 

 

 

Hi, how are you?

 

x OceanGirl

 

P.S. I keep the shunken heads of ex-boyfriends in my freezer with my dead cats

 

If a girl who was at all attractive wrote this to me, I would most definitely reply. It's so random and funny, which is right up my alley. Of course, my reply would probably be somewhat silly and equally casual.

[Tim The Enchanter]

If a girl who was at all attractive wrote this to me, I would most definitely reply. It's so random and funny, which is right up my alley. Of course, my reply would probably be somewhat silly and equally casual.

 

Wouldn't you say that it doesn't matter what a girl writes, if you find her attractive? Within reason, of course. I'm not going to reply to "hey there, ugly loser."

[seekandfind]

Wouldn't you say that it doesn't matter what a girl writes, if you find her attractive? Within reason, of course. I'm not going to reply to "hey there, ugly loser."

 

To some degree. But if she writes something boring or lame, I would be far less inclined to actually care or expect anything worthwile when responding.

 

A girl who writes something like gives pretty good first impression opinion. I like girls with personality and wacky senses of humor Of course, it is a very short message, so her next one could easily negate or diminish the positive reaction I would have initially.

[U1987]

Subject: To the cute girl who...

Message: Has the most amazing smile! It kinda lights up your face like a fruit machine when you hit the jackpot. I'd like to find out a little more about what makes you tick.. what are the top things you'd look for in your ideal guy? What's your biggest deal breaker?

 

Catch you later,

 

YourName

 

I tried a variation of this on 4 girls in the past couple of days. I haven't gotten any responses, even though my sent-box says they were all opened and read. Should I keep trying it or scrap it?

[U1987]

Because a specific example in one case isn't going to be much good to you in the long run. You need to discover the qualities that make a good opening so you can reproduce it yourself without help.

 

 

 

 

My question to you is; if someone sent you that opening message, and you couldn't see what they looked like, would you respond? I wouldn't.

 

It's obvious that you're not into cars. "Kinda wanted to get in to"? How does someone never 'have the chance' to get into cars?

 

I dunno, I just never understood all the technical jargon, nor ever really fascinated with it or interested in learning more When my friends and other guys are like "Oooohh check out that V-20 yadda yadda yadda 500 horsepower blah blah blah chrome pistons etc etc etc grills" it all goes over my head. It's like Chinese to me.

 

 

 

But... if you relate to her this way with a story, make it TRUE and about you. If you got nothing... move on to something else.

 

"You're not dainty". Jeez, you may as wall call her 'butch'. You've just insulted her and you don't know her. I'd delete your email right there. Do not use sarcasm in early email messages.

 

Why are you asking that question about 'weirdest or grossest thing found while working on someone's car'? It's not a conversation starter, it's a conversations killer

Because I was just trying to think of something unique or out there to ask. How many guys do you think ask her "So how's being a mechanic?" It's boring and bland.

 

I DO like the story about the uncles Mustang though.

[OceanGirl]

Uh can we see your profile and pictures?

 

Those messages are not the problem, something else is.

[dispatch3d]

I tried a variation of this on 4 girls in the past couple of days. I haven't gotten any responses, even though my sent-box says they were all opened and read. Should I keep trying it or scrap it?

 

scrap. The post you listed was much too nice. You could also copy/paste it to basically any girl. Also girls HATE the "nice smile" compliment because every single guy uses the same compliment.

 

I went with a complement earlier and it worked for a first reply. She said she was a writer and I told her I knew she was before I even read that in her profile. She responded but idk if that will actually pan out to anything. Gotta be careful about going in low-value by being overly complimenting. Establishing the even playing ground is important, and if you start off with big compliments or anything like that then there's no way it'll happen. It is also really awkward.

[welikeincrowds]

They do, but only after you've built up a rapport, and generally in the middle of conversation. Not right away. Especially not in the first message. And probably not in writing at all. It's really not easy to tease someone in writing. It can easily just come off as mean. So don't try it.

 

Some do, but only after they've established a rapport with someone. They do NOT like getting teased by a stranger. So please, DO NOT tease girls you message on online dating sites. It domes across as condescending and patronizing. Just don't do it.

 

Ha. I just read over this thread and saw how similar this advice was. Great minds, man.

[U1987]

So I'm really trying my best with the few girls in my general. Like I said, I really don't want to blow my first impressions with a lot of them with sloppy, off-the-top-of-my-head emails. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I'm feeling an increasing need to spend a lot of time planning and crafting my first emails.

 

Here's a girl I want to email.

 

I am currently working for ________. I go to _______ Culinary Institute for Baking and Pastry.

When you first meet me I am very shy, but once you get to know me I am very outgoing, fun, and silly. I just need a little push to help me come out of my shell. I love to go out and have a good time but I also like having nights in watching movies, etc.

I haven't had great luck in the dating area so I am just looking for a guy who I can have fun with and who will like me for what I have and for who I am.

Here's my idea for a first email.

 

That's awesome that you go to cooking school. You know growing up, I used to be the biggest Iron Chef fan. I used to think Morimoto was the biggest bad-ass; Chairman Kaga is a bit of a tool though.

 

So tell me, is it anything like Iron Chef?

Edited November 6, 2010 by U1987