Rate these 1st Email Ideas

[U1987]

For some reason, a lot of people are dead-set against giving examples of good online dating openers (for reasons I cannot grasp of being to understand; it's really not that big of a deal. I'm not asking for a kidney transplant)

 

The problem is, the first time I opened a profile and sent out a few openers, none of them worked (except one, who corresponded with me for a bit but never got back to it). A lot of people one here hated my first email; they said they were lame, annoying, cheesy, etc.

 

I don't want to keep repeating the same mistakes I did before and find I've blown my chances with every girl around her, so before I email the next batch of girls, all I'm asking is to review my ideas for first messages to specific profiles (since some of you, for reasons I still can't seem to get my head around, are so dead-set against providing specific examples. I really don't see what the problem is, but whatever)

 

This is a specific profile. The format is pretty typical of girls 18-24; run-on sentences; text-speak; no punctuation or proper casing; lots of vagueness with only scant specifics.

 

Hey there..so idk wut to relli write in these things but here goes..im 20 i live by myself and work two jobs to try to support myself..i try to live my life to the fullest and make the best of everything although sometimes that isnt the easiest thing to do. I love meeting new people and am always will to talk. I love cars and im a certified auto mechanic i just graduated from XXXXXXXXXX =) If i sound at all intresting to you msg me..^.^

Dispath3d suggested talking about cars. I really don't know anything about cars, so how's this for a first message?

 

Title : Hey...

Message : ...So it's pretty awesome you work with cars; it's something I've kinda wanted to get into, but never had the chance to. You're definitely not a "dainty" girl, right?

 

So odd question. What's the weirdest or grossest thing you've ever found working on someone's car?

That's really the best I could come up with. Be honest, and if you think it's wrong, please give me a specific example as to how to improve it.

[welikeincrowds]

a lot of people are dead-set against giving examples of good online dating openers (for reasons I cannot grasp of being to understand;

Because we're not you. What anyone else would say is not what you would say. Thus, specific "lines" won't help you. "Lines" don't work, period, and that you're thinking in this manner means you're not listening to the advice people give you. You need to relate to these women.

 

 

Title: "Hey..."

But here's a tip. The title is the first thing she's going to read. You're making it "Hey dot dot dot." Come up with something specific for the title, too. 6 words or less.

 

EDIT: On second thought, I'm thinking this isn't so important. Things like your profile picture, followed by what you say in your message, are going to have a much bigger impact on whether or not she bothers to message you back.

 

...So it's pretty awesome you work with cars; it's something I've kinda wanted to get into, but never had the chance to.

...and, there we go, not listening to advice. You're not relating to her at all. WHY do you think it's awesome she works with cars? WHY do you "kinda want to get into it" (nice enthusiasm there!)?

 

And then, instead of relating, you do these other weird things, over and over again.

 

You're definitely not a "dainty" girl, right?

The first is to patronize her.

 

So odd question. What's the weirdest or grossest thing you've ever found working on someone's car?

The second is to ask her a question from left field, presumably to compensate for you not having any interest, or being interesting yourself.

 

Look man, I know I'm not the first person to be saying this stuff to you, so at this point I don't know what to tell you. I'm sure you're only messaging her because you think she's attractive, and that's basically your only criteria. It's obvious and it's the reason you won't have success. At least make an effort to pretend to be interested. Or -- even better -- pick girls that interest you for more reasons than just their face. Then, you never know -- what to say might come naturally to you.

Edited October 26, 2010 by welikeincrowds

[U1987]

 

And then, instead of relating, you do these other weird things, over and over again.

 

Did you read her profile? what else is there to "relate" to? How?

 

If she won't work, how about this one. Here's another girl's profile.

 

\ I love painting and drawing. Its my life. I love to meet new people. I am very shy in person but i open up over time. I go to XXXXXXX for fashion merchandising. After i want to transfer to a school for journalism. I listen to almost anything accept for hard metal or like opera . I want someone who can hold a conversation, care for me, and just make me laugh and feel good about who i am. I am not the everyday girl who wants a big happy family with lots of kids to play mommy with. I want success with someone whos going to want to share that with me, so it's hard to find a good mix of somone who's sweet, cute, funny yet doesnt want the picture perfect family scene. But just cus im being straight forward, dont think im mean, just a lil sarcastic lol. Any other questions, just ask

How's this for a first message

 

I love drawing and painting too. I just recently discovered it. I'm studying cell biology right now. It's brutal, but I found that if you draw examples of the concepts, it really forces you to take it in and understand it.

 

Also, define "Hard Metal." I mean, I hate Gwar and Dragon Force, but would you hate, say, Foreigner or Def Leppard? 'Cuz technically, they'd be considered "metal" (if you do, then we're gonna have a problem lol)

 

You really encounter people who want to settle down and have a family at your age? That's unbelievable!

[welikeincrowds]

I love drawing and painting too. I just recently discovered it.

Patronizing. She just told you it's her life. Are you sure that you love it the same way she does? No, you don't, because you're talking about how drawing mechanical diagrams of cells helps you understand biology concepts. That's interesting, but it's not even in the same universe as what an artist does when one creates a painting. But I do appreciate that you made an effort to relate this time.

 

(if you do, then we're gonna have a problem lol)

"OK, you're right. I won't contact you back then. Thanks for making it easier for me!" Don't focus on interests of hers that don't interest you, and especially don't focus on interests of yours that she clearly pointed out don't interest her. Actually, you seem to think that trying to pick an argument with a girl over something they said in their profile is a good way to get them to talk to you. It's not. It's just awkward and off-putting. Drop that strategy.

 

You really encounter people who want to settle down and have a family at your age? That's unbelievable!

EDIT: Actually, I misread what you wrote. It's not actually belittling. But it is patronizing. "Really?! You really meet people like this?" It's not that unbelievable, and the phrasing of your question puts her on the defensive. "At your age." You're trying to relate to her, remember? What you've written sounds disingenuous -- like you know that you can't relate to her, but you'll grasp at anything you can to try and have a discussion topic in common. And that's all beside the point. Do you really care, are you really that interested, to be discussing this uninteresting and largely irrelevant topic? Shouldn't you be interested in talking about her?

 

You know, I'm giving up. I dunno man. Online dating just doesn't seem right for you.

Edited October 26, 2010 by welikeincrowds

[Green]

Stop being fake and looking for lines that will work. It shouldn't matter to you if it Works. Be yourself and find a girl who likes you for yourself. The internet isn't the best place to date women in the age range you are aiming for 18-22.

 

Really girls and people in general can sense when some one is fake and just trying to say things they think the other wants to hear. You are better off just saying what you want to say instead of saying what you think will work.

[U1987]

Stop being fake and looking for lines that will work. It shouldn't matter to you if it Works. Be yourself and find a girl who likes you for yourself.

 

I WAS "being myself" the first time around, but it didn't work and you all hated my emails. Remember?

 

These aren't lines. I WAS "being myself" when I wrote these ideas.

[Green]

I WAS "being myself" the first time around, but it didn't work and you all hated my emails. Remember?

 

These aren't lines. I WAS "being myself" when I wrote these ideas.

 

Being yourself also mean not overthinking this and just saying what comes natural.

[U1987]

Patronizing. She just told you it's her life. Are you sure that you love it the same way she does? No, you don't, because you're talking about how drawing mechanical diagrams of cells helps you understand biology concepts. That's interesting, but it's not even in the same universe as what an artist does when one creates a painting. But I do appreciate that you made an effort to relate this time.

 

So what should I have said as an alternative? Please give me an example.

 

"OK, you're right. I won't contact you back then. Thanks for making it easier for me!" Don't focus on interests of hers that don't interest you, and especially don't focus on interests of yours that she clearly pointed out don't interest her. Actually, you seem to think that trying to pick an argument with a girl over something they said in their profile is a good way to get them to talk to you. It's not. It's just awkward and off-putting. Drop that strategy.

 

I'm just trying to tease. I thought girls like that. Like I said, please feel free to write an example.

 

EDIT: Actually, I misread what you wrote. It's not actually belittling. But it is patronizing. "Really?! You really meet people like this?" It's not that unbelievable, and the phrasing of your question puts her on the defensive. "At your age." You're trying to relate to her, remember? What you've written sounds disingenuous -- like you know that you can't relate to her, but you'll grasp at anything you can to try and have a discussion topic in common. And that's all beside the point. Do you really care, are you really that interested, to be discussing this uninteresting and largely irrelevant topic? Shouldn't you be interested in talking about her?

 

I AM talking about her. She said she meets guys who want to settle and start a "perfect family" and what not with her, but she's 20. I found that strange that guys her age want to do that so quickly. Why is it "patronizing" to inquire about that?

[U1987]

Being yourself also mean not overthinking this and just saying what comes natural.

 

These ARE "what comes out naturally."

 

I'm "overthinking" because a lot of you guys hate "what comes out naturally."

 

All these first emails weren't carefully crafted lines; they're what naturally, instantly came to my mind. They are accurate descriptions of how I think.

 

I am "just being myself." So why am I having problems?

[welikeincrowds]

So what should I have said as an alternative? Please give me an example.

 

Bro. Did you not read what I told you in the first post? I can't give you an example, because what I would say is not what you would say. I have a Bachelors in Fine Arts, and I am familiar with fashion design. I would jump all over those topics. I also find it interesting that she wants to pursue journalism after studying fashion marketing, because those careers seem wildly different. I also like that she says she's sarcastic, and I can relate to her having to write a disclaimer about that.

 

However, that's me. I can't give you anything to say. The best I can tell you is that she seems passionate about what she does in her life, so if you're passionate about cellular biology (or something else) in a similar way, that's maybe a way you can relate.

 

 

 

I'm just trying to tease. I thought girls like that.

 

They do, but only after you've built up a rapport, and generally in the middle of conversation. Not right away. Especially not in the first message. And probably not in writing at all. It's really not easy to tease someone in writing. It can easily just come off as mean. So don't try it.

 

 

 

I AM talking about her.

I found that strange that guys her age

Nope, you're talking about other guys she's met, not her. Also, what's patronizing is the "your age" part. You're talking around her generation rather than about her. It doesn't matter, though. You should have plenty to talk about based on what she's told you about herself.

 

Here's what you should do, U1987. I think you're jumping the gun. Instead of trying to come up about what you could write to these girls to get them to go on a date with you, do this: find a profile, and make note of all the things you liked about it. Look over that list and start thinking about why you liked the things you noted. Then you can bring the profile, your list, and your reasons over to LS -- but you may just end up with a better understanding of what to say on your own, based on that exercise alone.

[Star Gazer]

I'm just trying to tease. I thought girls like that.

 

Some do, but only after they've established a rapport with someone. They do NOT like getting teased by a stranger. So please, DO NOT tease girls you message on online dating sites. It domes across as condescending and patronizing. Just don't do it.

[Tim The Enchanter]

Bro. Did you not read what I told you in the first post?

 

He doesn't read things if they don't match his pre-conceived idea of an "opening email". Basically, he wants us to write the whole email out on his behalf, then he's going to copy and paste it. He thinks that this will enhance his chances, when all it's doing is delaying the inevitable.

 

Honestly, if he can't figure out for himself how to write an opening email, what chance does he have?

[Tim The Enchanter]

 

I am "just being myself." So why am I having problems?

 

Serious question : have you ever been diagnosed as having Asperger's? Or OCD? How many threads have you now made about this one subject? When you don't get the answer you're looking for in one thread, you simply make another. That is not mature, emotionally stable behaviour in my opinion.

 

If that's not the reason, I'd say it's because you

 

a) are pig-headed and refuse to take advice from people

b) are afraid of making your own mistakes and learning from them

c) think that there are quick and easy routes to success in dating

 

If you think I'm being hard on you, it's only because I've tried to help and you've ignored my advice and that of others. I also think that you are lacking in certain social skills that will cause you more frustration later on in life, unless you start listening to people and make changes.

 

I know all about OLD and have lots of helpful advice for people, men especially, that is borne from experience. Do you want my help, or are you going to just keep on with the same old mantra?

[Andy_K]

Clearly there's sod all in their profiles which interests you, so stop bothering to hammer a square peg into a round hole. Write about something in their pictures as that's clearly what you're interested in, or else write to ask them things which aren't in their profile.

 

For example:

Subject: To the cute girl who...

Message: Has the most amazing smile! It kinda lights up your face like a fruit machine when you hit the jackpot. I'd like to find out a little more about what makes you tick.. what are the top things you'd look for in your ideal guy? What's your biggest deal breaker?

 

Catch you later,

 

YourName

 

Points to mention

1- subject line isn't just 'hi' and the ellipsis might at least make her curious enough about the message to read it instead of insta-deleting.

2- it gives a compliment about her looks which is more personal than saying 'you have a great rack', and less likely to make you look like a perv. Most would appreciate if (assuming it's genuine) even if they weren't interested in you.

3 - It asks questions about herself which are different from the usual 'what is your job' etc rubbish, and allow her to show a bit of personality and put some thought into a response. This is a good way to start building a connection.

4- It's short enough not to bore her, but long enough to be worth replying to if she's interested.

 

There's no guarantee you'll get a reply to girls like this, no matter what you say. It's largely going to come down to the quality of your profile and pictures, and whether the girl in question really is as vapid as her profile might suggest. The message is only one part of what will get you a response.

[Eeyore79]

Hey there..so idk wut to relli write in these things but here goes..im 20 i live by myself and work two jobs to try to support myself..i try to live my life to the fullest and make the best of everything although sometimes that isnt the easiest thing to do. I love meeting new people and am always will to talk. I love cars and im a certified auto mechanic i just graduated from XXXXXXXXXX =) If i sound at all intresting to you msg me..^.^

 

Why would you even want to date someone who writes like that? She's obviously kinda dumb and immature

[LittleTiger]

Clearly there's sod all in their profiles which interests you, so stop bothering to hammer a square peg into a round hole.

 

I agree.

 

The whole point of dating is to find somebody compatible (unless you're just after sex), so what's the point in trying to have a conversation with someone you have nothing in common with.

 

Honestly, if you find online dating so difficult I would recommend you try some other way of meeting women. Maybe clubs or night classes where you can talk about your common interests. Just make sure you join a club that does actually interest you, and not just one where you'll meet more women. Otherwise you're back in the same boat you're in now.

[Tim The Enchanter]

If you look at his thread history, it seems he's only after casual flings, not LTRs. There are nefarious sites like 'Adult Friend Finder' for that sort of thing. Personally, I wouldn't touch them with a barge pole. If you just want to get laid, go to bars and nightclubs.

[OceanGirl]

I found a guy on OKCupid today whose profile I liked. I have sent him the following brief first message (and he already replied) - it's kind of lame but it worked:

 

Hey there,

 

I found your profile interesting, your pictures cute and I love blokes with English accents

 

How long have you lived in <city>?

 

x OceanGirl

[Andy_K]

I found a guy on OKCupid today whose profile I liked. I have sent him the following brief first message (and he already replied) - it's kind of lame but it worked:

 

Hey there,

 

I found your profile interesting, your pictures cute and I love blokes with English accents

 

How long have you lived in <city>?

 

x OceanGirl

 

But getting guys to reply is much easier than girls because they get far less mail! Honestly, you could write

 

Hi, how are you?

 

x OceanGirl

 

P.S. I keep the shunken heads of ex-boyfriends in my freezer with my dead cats

 

And 90% of guys would write back

[Tim The Enchanter]

But getting guys to reply is much easier than girls because they get far less mail! Honestly, you could write

 

 

 

And 90% of guys would write back

 

That 90% would be the sad, desperate types. I can go months without getting any winks or emails from women, but that doesn't mean I will automatically reply to an email from some random woman. If I find her attractive, then yes I will definitely reply, as I'm sure most women would.

 

At the moment I'm getting about one email (and/or a wink) a day and have so far replied to one of those people in the space of a week.

[Star Gazer]

If you look at his thread history, it seems he's only after casual flings, not LTRs. There are nefarious sites like 'Adult Friend Finder' for that sort of thing. Personally, I wouldn't touch them with a barge pole. If you just want to get laid, go to bars and nightclubs.

 

This is true. He'd be better suited on AFF for sure.

[Andy_K]

Only if he's god the body of a greek god or the package to match. AFF has hugely biased male/female ratios and without a lot on the table he'll get absolutely nowhere, especially with the hot girls he wants.

[dispatch3d]

You're definitely not a "dainty" girl, right?

 

This is report seeking and kinda condescending. Not the teasing girls are after.

 

The teasing your speaking about is david deangelo's "cocky funny". Its kinda hard to explain, but you have to start off in baby steps doing that stuff. It's also much more difficult to convey online than in person because through body language you can (usually) convey you're kidding. Sometimes you will be an ******* rather than funny, and the girl will be offended. Luckily because you can see her you'll realize your mistake and apologize/realize you're an *******. Without that feedback you travel a slippery slope.

 

My advice on David D stuff is practice on waitresses not random internet girls on dating sites. Waitresses have to be nice and flirty otherwise you won't tip them.

 

I think the internet is more prone to just put yourself out there. So many guys are trying to be funny, teasing, cool, rich, etc. that it's much easier to come off as try-hard. Especially since they get like 8 emails/day. You're preceived to be pretty low value, and the cocky funny works best when you're equal value to you being higher value (where you want to be). It actually increases your value if you do it right, but it can be difficult/impossible to go from street bum->super cool funny guy. Hopefully that makes sense.

[U1987]

This is true. He'd be better suited on AFF for sure.

 

I told you before, I tried AFF. It was the biggest waste of time and money ever; WAY more guys than girls, WAY more unattractive girls than attractive girls and they all flock to a tiny few guys. I was 2 months and $60 on that site.

[U1987]

He doesn't read things if they don't match his pre-conceived idea of an "opening email". Basically, he wants us to write the whole email

 

Oh Lord! A whole email? A Whole email? You make it sound like I'm asking for some ****ing bone marrow! I was asking for a few sentences as an "example" you illiterate!

 

Why are you even bothering to post on my threads? You obviously don't like what I have to say, for reasons I can't understand.

 

I didn't ask you specifically to come on here. It's pretty obvious all your doing is trying to increase your post-count.