BuddyHollyGirl Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Do you believe in love at first sight? Well it happened to me 3 years ago. I've been friends with him ever since. We've hung out. He's made me mix cds. We've always had a great time but nothing happened between us. I had a bf but never would have acted upon this crush while I was with someone. Last year, I broke up with my bf and me and this guy hung out many times, once dancing, other times, out for a pizza or just driving aimlessly for hours. I hoped for something but honestly, I wasn't ready. He knew it, I think, and didn't want to be a rebound. We've seen each other off an on in passing over the last year. Recently, he asked me to go out of town with him for the day. We went and had a blast. He then asked me a week later to go out to his family's land in the country, where we had a fire. We made coffee, sandwiches and smores. We looked at the stars, listened to Glenn Miller (which we both love) and even saw a shooting star. It was SUCH a perfect night. He talked about going to Europe with me, across the country, and about someday taking dance lessons together. Hours passed before he kissed me. He said he wished he had done it the year before. Then a few more hours passed before we retired to a tent and spent the night together. I felt as if a dream had come true. My heart sang for days. He works 3rds and goes to school full time, so I knew he was very busy. His schedule left him sporadic sleep patterns, sometimes for just an hour between classes. Friends asked me questions, and days passed, I wondered why he had not contacted me. I had texted him once over the span of the week and he responded a day later, telling me he had left his phone at home and just got my message. He was kind of short and said he had to go to bed. As the week passed, I began to wonder if I had been a one night stand. I've had this happen to me several times in the past and feared the worst. On the ninth day, I sent him a message: "What happened between us? Will I see you again or was it a one night stand?" He replied. "Honestly I don't know. With my work and school schedule, I don't have time for these sort of things." Friends told me that it meant I was used. I had left a bracelet in his tent. I asked if I could get it back. He did not respond and I worried it was because he was avoiding me, so I said I had no intention of "bringing up bull****. I only want my bracelet back." He had me meet him at his Dads where I picked up the bracelet. He acted as if nothing had happened, laughing and teasing me, as he always did, like a kid with a crush. I was so hurt, I shoved him and told him not to lie to people. (I was referring to all those future plans he had made with me, only to leave me hanging for over a week, then telling me he didn't have time.) He stormed off, saying he didn't have time for this. I reacted with hurt, not with anger, and let him know. I said "I thought it meant something. I care about you. How could you do that to me? I am not into one night stands." He started to say "That's not what it was." But his voice trailed off as he waved me away and went back inside. So he sent me a message on Facebook saying that I had misunderstood his text. He was saying that he was busy and dating would be hard. But that he intended to continue seeing me until I shoved him. He said he did not expect that from me and could not continue something with someone who had acted so irrationally over a simple misunderstanding. I responded by saying that I had not come to the conclusion on my own, that I was used (friends confirmed this feeling) but that how I reacted was all me. I apologized for shoving him. That was wrong. I said that I completely understand being busy. I myself work three jobs. A simple text message asking me how my day was, I continues, would have reaffirmed the good things that had happened between us. I told him that I was convinced I had been used by someone I cared deeply for and it broke my heart. ...... So... what do I do now? Is it a lost cause? Was I used and he just tried to put the blame on me? I don't think I was, after how everything happened. I feel horrible. Did I act wrong? Friends say no. But the guy I love says I did. My heart is sick.
welikeincrowds Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 (edited) You both didn't behave perfectly, as you know. Few things irks me more than "Yeah well my friends thought this." That's just not relevant. Everyone takes counsel; this forum is here, after all. But ultimately this is a situation between two people, not two people and a voting sitcom audience. You're an adult, and your conclusions are your own. Stand by them on your own two feet. Regardless, you were right to feel hurt. What kind of man doesn't call, or at least text, the very next day? "I had a wonderful time." That's common decency. No one person's life is too important to not bother extending that relatively small gesture of care and trust. "These sorts of things." I'm infuriated by that comment, and I don't even know you. Here you are, wondering if he considered you disposable, and he didn't even bother to dispute it. And then the attitude in general. "But I'm just too busy to flirt with you all night, bring you into a tent, and have sex with you!" Is that really what he's going to try to say to you? I know what it's like to get a few hours of sleep a day, if that. It's not a get-out-of-respect free card. If he's too busy, then he shouldn't have ****ing done it. By that I mean that his availability should have been clear long before he pulled his dick out; and if he had any doubts beforehand, you needed to know. And his doubts afterward -- you shouldn't have had to have been the first one to bring it up. He's taking no responsibility. He is not justified. You were wrong to shove him, but that he's suddenly going to use that to turn it around on you: "Well, I was going to keep putting up with you, but now that you did this one small thing that you've already apologized for all while you were seriously hurt by my behavior, I can no longer see myself gracing you with my presence." LISTEN TO THIS A**HOLE. I don't mean to jump on a few paragraphs of biased explanation like this, so you should temper my response. But from your account, I really cannot stand him. This is not a man. In fact I am so mad right now, I can't even see straight. I'm probably going to miss the "Submit Reply" button and hit "Preview Post" instead, which is going to make me even madder. God. I'm sure he's just great. I think you should print out a color picture of him, spit on it, burn it, then destroy his phone number. I think he'd have to get on two ****ing knees and beg to make up for this egregious display of narcissist ego. Edited October 26, 2010 by welikeincrowds
Author BuddyHollyGirl Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 Funny enough, just after I posted that, he walked into the coffee shop I was at. I looked up at him and he looked away, not even making eye contact. He got his coffee and left suddenly. My car is VERY unmistakable and was parked in front of the entrance AND the coffee shop has a drive thru. He had squealed tires as he parked, before coming in, leaving me to believe he saw my car and chose to come inside just to make a point. What a jerk. Thanks Welikeinclouds. I'll be the first to admit, I've got a few issues. I have been played so many times, I am embarrassed to admit. Once, it was even a friend of five years who never spoke to me again. I have a hard time stepping out of the situation and seeing it for what it is. I am sick that someone who invested so much time in getting to know me over the years has treated me like this. I am not one to leave bad blood between people, if I can help it. I left him a voicemail earlier tonight asking to speak with him in person, to apologize for the shoving and to discuss what has happened. He has been a good and fun friend and I hate to lose that much. I left the voicemail before I saw someone had responded to my thread. Ironically enough, my ex boyfriend who is my good friend suggested I leave the message to try and clear the air for my own conscious. After reading your reply, I will not go to a meeting with a guilt mentality, if he should even call to meet me. I will go with the confidence knowing that I have done nothing wrong and he should be apologizing. And at this point.. any man, him or otherwise who deserves my time, will come to me. I have learned my lesson over chasing.
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