asdfasdf1234 Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 (edited) Really appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and give any kind of feedback. Wow, hard to give a readers digest version of this but I will try. Me and my ex were together for 5 years. She went to school to be an RN while I worked and supported us both (I just figured we were getting married eventually, only girl I've ever been in love with). She graduated but there were no jobs where we lived so we had to move 120 miles away from Fam & Friends (both of which we spend a good deal of time with). This was tough for me as I work from home and got real tired of knowing no one and being by myself all the time (she worked a lot of 12 hour shifts). We eventually started arguing more and more. It started with one argument on a Friday night. I was over it the next morning (it wasn't a very big argument at all), but she is pretty stubborn and was still pissed off. Needless to say after being home all week I didn't want to sit around with a grumpy Gus all day so I told her I was going back home for the night to hang out with my friends. This is what started it all. This was back in March. We ended up breaking up and both seemed okay with it. She said that I didn't care about her because I ditched her that weekend. Very stressful. Fast forward to late April and she had moved out and I was moving back to my home town May 1st. We got back together again shortly, but once I moved back the strain on our relationship from going from living together to me living with a single roommate who always had people (read: girls) over was creating lots of arguments. It felt like that was all we did for two weeks. Finally, I broke it off and she was pretty devastated. Three weeks later after lots of thinking about it I contacted to her and apologized. This was around the first of June. She talked to me, but said no. I have contacted her once every six or eight weeks since then, just letting her know that I still love her, and felt horrible about what I did. I tried to explain how hard it was having repeated arguments, and that the reason it happened was my new living situation but she said she just didn't trust me. Okay, now for the current situation: So my mom gets a letter from her with some of my baby pics she had of me and a short note about how it is such a shame what all happened. They ended up chatting on FB, and she pretty much said she thought I wasn't ready to have a family/kids/marriage and that I was at a different point in my life than she was. She said that she still loves me, and thinks she always will. She asked me mom not to tell me about this. My mom told me. So... I met up with her about three weeks ago after sending an e-mail mentioning the letter my mom got, we caught up, and I pretty much explained the same things to her that I had before (sorry, situation was F'd up, etc.). She told me she just wasn't ready yet, that she couldn't give it 100% if she got back into it. I said okay, I will try not to contact you anymore, please just don't contact me either unless you want to give it another try. A week ago: I get a message on FB from her (I had just changed my profile pic to a pic of me and my niece who she loved) telling me jokingly that she wishes I would delete my FB and that me and my niece look really cute together (granted, this was 2 hours after I changed my FB main pic). We met up again. We both tell each other about the people we have been seeing. She is with someone who is around 30 (I am 27, she is 25). They have been seeing each other since about 3 weeks after I broke it off in May (about the same time I contacted her to apologize). She said that I come up all of the time and that he always says (why don't you go back with *****). She said she still loves me (side note: I am not the only person she has ever been in love with) but wishes I was more grown up. Another side note: When we first broke up, I did a lot of going out, partying, went to Vegas, etc. etc. I haven't really dated many girls in my life, as I was pretty fat (read: no confidence) until just before we started dating 5.5 years ago. Random notes: When I was with her I would usually go out at least once a week and get drunk with my buddies and play pool, or poker, or something like that. She said that she thinks she has more in common with this new guy. She said that she can't give 100% to either of us and therefore she said she is single right now, and they aren't seeing each other but are still talking. I felt like at any point she was going to say lets try it again. I felt like she was really on the fence, but in the end she stuck to her guns and said can we please just be "friends" for the time being. She said she needs to work on herself and her trust issues before she gives 100% to anyone and she is going to see a counselor and talk about it. Last side note: Very weird, but she said something like this, "I know that if ever there is marriage, and the first child comes, it will be over" and started crying. I thought she meant that if we had a kid and she was unhappy that she would be trapped. What I found out later was she meant if she had a kid with someone else, and got married, then we would never end up together. Well, that's about as condensed as I could make it without leaving out anything really important... I think anyways. Here is a post I made four months ago, that goes a little more in depth about our relationship: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t234035/ Edited October 25, 2010 by asdfasdf1234
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