Questionable1 Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 This is mainly in regards to online dating, but I suppose it can be applied broadly. How far (or length of time) are you willing to travel to meet up? I dated a guy online briefly and although I stopped seeing him for other reasons, it sucked because he lived in a suburb 20 miles away. I would also like to say that traffic is miserable in this city and the road system is poor. If I wanted to drive to meet him for dinner at 7pm, I would have to give myself 40 minutes just for the drive because of rush hour traffic. Just wanted to hear other opinions...
Pyro Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 it all depends on if the person is worth the trip to you. Is the connection between you two enough for you to go all that way?
Pyro Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 try a compromise and see if that person will meet you halfway somewhere.
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 I was seeing one woman who was an hour and fourty five minutes' drive away, although it was well worth it. I live in Bristol, England and she lived in Wolverhampton, and it's motorway (freeway) the whole journey and therefore very easy. Generally I would say an hour and a half's drive is acceptable to me.
LittleTiger Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 There is no too far for the right person, IMO. It really depends on the people involved. My partner and I hit it off online/phone and chatted for about 9 or 10 weeks before we met. He travelled 12,000 miles (35 hours door to door) and says it was the best thing he ever did in his life. If you think 40 minutes drive is too far he's not the guy for you.
ascendotum Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Wow!! you're complaining about 40 minute travel time to visit your boyfriend. Lucky you don't live in a BIG city. Many people do double that just for one way travel into work let alone meeting up for dinner with some attractive company. I think along the lines of Tim, though if was battling traffic an hour and a half's drive as opposed to zipping along the motorway, then I would cut it down to a bit over an hour...still if I was crazy about the girl, I'd make it.
USMCHokie Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 there is no too far for the right person, imo. +1. .......
Star Gazer Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 There is no too far for the right person, IMO. It really depends on the people involved. They can absolutely be the right person, the most amazing person on Earth, but if YOU are not an amazingly strong person in return, one who can handle significant time apart from your SO, particularly in an LDR that doesn't have an expiry to the distance... What then?
LittleTiger Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 They can absolutely be the right person, the most amazing person on Earth, but if YOU are not an amazingly strong person in return, one who can handle significant time apart from your SO, particularly in an LDR that doesn't have an expiry to the distance... What then? Well I certainly never planned to end up in a ridiculously long distance LDR and anybody who's read my threads on the LDR section will know that I hate being in this situation - but it won't be forever. It's the individual's decision on what distance and time apart they can handle. I literally couldn't be further from my partner, in miles or hours, (unless one of us went to live on the moon) but, despite all the heartache, for the incredibly special relationship we have and the time we do get together WE think it's worth it. It's all about priorities. Some people give up their jobs and careers, leave their families and turn their whole lives upside down to be with the right person. Other's are in a relationship where they've done all they can and the other person won't make the necessary sacrifices - that, to me suggests they want something else more than they want that person. I really believe in 'where there's a will, there's a way'.
BlueRidgeMTs Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 I would say the longest I would be willing to travel is 45 minutes. And that is 45 minutes driving normally, not speeding. And with normal flow of traffic. I dated someone that was just a tad over an hour away, and let me tell you, every minute counts. After that i decided 45 minutes TOPS for me. 40 even better.
LittleTiger Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 I would say the longest I would be willing to travel is 45 minutes. And that is 45 minutes driving normally, not speeding. And with normal flow of traffic. I dated someone that was just a tad over an hour away, and let me tell you, every minute counts. After that i decided 45 minutes TOPS for me. 40 even better. Fingers crossed you don't meet the person of your dreams and find they live 50 minutes away - what a shame that would be!
Star Gazer Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 It's all about priorities. Some people give up their jobs and careers, leave their families and turn their whole lives upside down to be with the right person. Other's are in a relationship where they've done all they can and the other person won't make the necessary sacrifices - that, to me suggests they want something else more than they want that person. Some people want it all, including the person. But sometimes neither person is willing to give up everything and make sacrifices. Then you just reach a stalemate.
D-Jam Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 I used to be more willing to trek out into the burbs...but over time I've come to believe if I have to drive more than 30-45 minutes to see this person, it's not worth it. I'd rather be alone. I used to find it insane when I see friends driving 3-4 hours to see someone. Worse when it's not really a deep commitment. So they're driving hours in the hopes she won't suddenly decide "eh" on them. HOWEVER...I was willing (and probably would still be if I was single) to do long distance. Seems cool to hop a plane to see someone, talk online, then eventually one side moves and marries the other. I only came into this realization when I met some cool women online who lived far away...and they seemed more like what I wanted in a female over the local women. Plus they liked me.
LittleTiger Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Some people want it all, including the person. But sometimes neither person is willing to give up everything and make sacrifices. Then you just reach a stalemate. The whole of life is about sacrifice. Every time we make a choice to have or do something we are also choosing not to have or do the alternative. We can't have everything we want in life so we have to choose. If neither person is willing to give up everything then they are both choosing to put something else above the relationship. That's why, I believe, to make a LDR (or if I'm honest any relationship) work, your SO has to be your number one priority - and that's only likely to happen if they are so special you can't imagine a life without them in it. As an example, lets say that two people are separated because of their careers. The truth is that one, or both of them, could give up their career so that they could be together. It's a big ask, of course, and if you live on different continents it's huge, but we can all give up everything and start again if we choose to. If they choose not to then they are putting their career before the other person. That is the reality. Obviously, there are situations where the people are too young to make their own choices or there may be illness or disability involved but I'm talking about LDRs where both people are independent adults who are free to choose. Some people won't date anyone outside their own city and I can respect that. I understand, only too well, why some people won't do LDRs. I wouldn't be in this situation myself except that my SO is the best man I have ever known. We are perfect for each other and I'm not prepared to give him up for anything. The distance is a nightmare, I don't deny it, but it is what it is and we deal with it because we love each other.
Citizen Erased Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 ^^ What Little Tiger said. It's wasn't even a hard decision for me to move my entire life to be with my fiancé. Nothing is more important to me than him.
LisaLee Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 (edited) I travel 800 miles for my SO. 800 miles is too far. But he is more than worth every mile. Edited October 26, 2010 by LisaLee
yah Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Too far, for me = 30mins or any distance where I have to plan around the trip. I've done 2hr as well as LDR - no, thank you. SO is a 10min drive away. That makes it very convenient for us to see each other. We can sleep over at each other's place and still make it to work the next morning in < 20mins. Works great.
Star Gazer Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 ^^ What Little Tiger said. It's wasn't even a hard decision for me to move my entire life to be with my fiancé. Nothing is more important to me than him. Not to discredit your life at all (I hope you know that), but when you're young, don't really enjoy being around your family, and don't have an established career, giving up your life for love is an easy decision. When you're established, are very attached to your family and friends around you, and are very settled in a career in your geographical area...it becomes an issue.
LittleTiger Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Not to discredit your life at all (I hope you know that), but when you're young, don't really enjoy being around your family, and don't have an established career, giving up your life for love is an easy decision. When you're established, are very attached to your family and friends around you, and are very settled in a career in your geographical area...it becomes an issue. I agee SG, it is easier to uproot everything when you are young and relatively free and it is always going to be easier for some people than others BUT it is still a question of priorities. Somebody could argue that, right now, I am putting my relationship above my own health because our situation is making me ill, but giving up my SO is still not an option. I choose to treat the symptoms of my illness rather than remove the cause. I am one of those people who has a well established life, and so is my SO. It's incredibly hard for us. Eventually we will reduce or, if possible, eliminate the time we're apart but, until, then we deal with what life has dealt us. We can choose to walk away at any time, but we both know that neither of us will. I don't know if you were around when Island Girl was still posting. She was/is the Queen of LDRs. She fell in love with a Tongan rugby play whilst he was living in the US. He had visa problems and was sent back to Tonga. They got married and she remained faithful to him for seven years, while they tried to get his visa sorted. She hardly ever saw him because they couldn't afford the travel but she loved him enough to wait. Some people might think she was crazy, especially as the relationship eventually crashed and burned but I think her strength was incredible and I admire her devotion and her staying power. I couldn't have done what she did because I know that how she lived was beyond what I could have endured - but then, how do I know that for sure? Some people probably think I'm crazy too. I would say I'm at the limit of my endurance now but it's amazing what people can and do put up with when they believe the reward is worth the sacrifice. That's why I say 'there is no too far for the right person'. Some people have specified here in terms of specific length of car journey or the ability to get to work easily from their SOs house. I would question, if they really love their SO and circumstances beyond their control found them living thousands of miles apart, that these people would just give up and say - nah, sorry, too far!
yah Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Some people have specified here in terms of specific length of car journey or the ability to get to work easily from their SOs house. I would question, if they really love their SO and circumstances beyond their control found them living thousands of miles apart, that these people would just give up and say - nah, sorry, too far! I guess you are referring to my post. Yes, if circumstances change, I will do LD but why go in TRYING to find a long-distance partner?
LittleTiger Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 I guess you are referring to my post. Yes, if circumstances change, I will do LD but why go in TRYING to find a long-distance partner? I agree totally, I never went looking for LD either but sometimes circumstances just dictate that it happens. What I'm saying is, if you find that special person, then distance becomes irrelevant. Of course it makes life much more difficult but it doesn't change how you feel. In my case neither of us was even looking for a romantic relationship. We were both looking for friends who were into the same sort of things. We hit it off instantly online/phone but maintained for two months that we were just friends. 12,000 miles is ridiculous for a relationship - by anybody's standards (including ours)! He didn't even know what I looked like. Then we met! :love:
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