mendsley Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 So I have been dating this beautiful woman for about 2 months and I absolutely adore her. I am very attracted to her and want to take the relationship to a more serious level, but I have tried communicating this to her and I don't seem to get a clear answer of what she wants. To be honest I am kind of back and forth on how she really feels about me. I do think she is interested, but I am not sure to what degree. I just finished up a 10 year marriage a few years ago and this is the first woman I have been interested in since that happened so I want to make the right moves. I have only really dated about 3 women my whole life ( I am 33 ) so I am learning a lot of things right now, sounds ridiculous, but it is what it is. The things that I am not too comfortable with is, she has a ton of guy friends, some she has had a relationship in the past with. She likes to go out with her friends almost every weekend, I know that is good for people, but she generally goes to bars and clubs. One big thing is she is going thru a bad divorce and she is going thru a ton of emotions. The good things about her is she really makes me feel good when we are together. I laugh more with her than with any other person. When she is having a problem she calls me to talk about it and vice versa. We have so many things in common. There is never a gap in conversation, and it is the best sex I have ever had. I am learning that I am a bit insecure and tend to get jealous, I hide these emotions very well because I know people don't want to deal with that crap. I just have a gut feeling that she maybe seeing more that just me, but I tend to over analyze things so I am not sure what to do here.
welikeincrowds Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 I am very attracted to her and want to take the relationship to a more serious level, but I have tried communicating this to her and I don't seem to get a clear answer of what she wants. Well, there you go. She's not ready. I just have a gut feeling that she maybe seeing more that just me As long as you guys aren't exclusive, you should assume that she is. There's no need to know whether or not she actually is, because it's not relevant to what is happening between the two of you. Take a moment with me here. It may sound destructive but really, do this. Picture her flirting with other guys. Picture other guys flirting with her. Picture her going on a date with another man. Picture her having sex with another man. Really, take your mind's eye and confront your fears, all of the worst case scenarios you can possibly imagine, in as vivid detail as you can muster. You are smart not to express this feeling to her at this stage in your relationship. But I am concerned that you may be keeping it even from yourself. That feeling is an irrational fear. Face it and you will be freed. You will feel confident that what you have right now is a good thing. You will feel less intimidated by the potential for loss. And your relationship, even in this beginning state, will improve.
Author mendsley Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 WOW, thank you so much for your reply, I like how you write. You know I guess what it really boils down is I need to look at me, not her! Maybe I am taking this waaaay to fast. She told me that she wants us to go slow at this, and I hope this doesn't sound weird, but I don't know what this really is? I mean she has stayed here at my house for for a few night in the week, we have a lot of sex, and we are planning a few weekend get aways. So what does "go slow" actually mean? Thanks,
LiveWell Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 she is going thru a bad divorce Don't date married women if you are looking to avoid drama. In fact the best advice is not to date them at all, and that means you wait until the decree of divorce is signed and sealed by the judge. By no means does she sound even close to wanting to be in a committed, loving monogamous relationship. She is throwing off the shackles of a bad marriage and no doubt will spend the next few years wanting to f*ck every stud in sight. You WILL get hurt if you keep this up. This woman is only good for casual sex.
daphne Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 So what does "go slow" actually mean? Thanks, Usually, going slow means you don't jump into sex, see if you like each other as friends, then you have lots and lots of sex. In this case, I think it means more that she wants to have her cake and eat it too. All of the trappings of a relationship, without a commitment. I agree with teh last poster. She's not ready to be in a committed relationship at this point.
welikeincrowds Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 So what does "go slow" actually mean? That might be a question to ask her. Because I would assume it means not planning weekend getaways, but hey, don't cancel them now. I say that because I think a general definition of "go slow" is to never plan ahead, practically and emotionally. Never make reservations more than a week in advance, and never think about how you'd go about introducing her to your mother. Instead, take it day by day, and enjoy each date as a discrete moment in your life. "Yeah, that was a great Saturday. I couldn't picture a better way to have spent it. I wonder what we could do on Wednesday?" That sort of thing. That's my definition, anyhow. Hers may differ.
Author mendsley Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 I know what you both are saying, her marriage was an 18 year marriage too. Yeah after I think about it, this is a gonna end up hurting me. Thanks for everyones input
Recommended Posts