BS76 Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I'm dating four girls who I've all dated between 2-4 times each. I have had no talks with any of them about being exclusive but I pretty sure I'm the only guy each of them is dating. Do I need to tell them I'm dating others, only tell if they ask or tell them its none if their business if asked? New to dating again so I'm not sure. The unspoken status quo is to assume you're both seeing other people until you mutually decide to be exclusive, if you so choose to be. When seeing other women you don't actually spell out you're going out with another woman. It's disrespectful and is like rubbing her nose in it. She'll get it, as should you, that other options are being explored by your actions, unavailability, and language along the lines of "going to see a friend".
that girl Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 You sound very similar to me. I separated in February and began dating in March. I was in no rush to find anyone. After 20 years of marriage, it was time to get out there and experience something very different. I dated multiple women at a time until I met my current gf in August. I knew as soon as we met that I wanted to have an exclusive relationship with her. When I multidated, I was very upfront about what was going on when asked questions. If someone asked if we were exclusive, I'd say, 'no'. When asked if I was seeing other women, I'd say, 'yes'. Etc. I only had one woman break up with me because I wouldn't be exclusive with her. If a woman never brought it up, I would. I'd mention it around the time I sensed they were starting to get warm and fuzzy feelings for me. This is a responsible way to handle things. You don't have to go out of your way to make it clear you aren't seeing anyone else, but you shouldn't lead them on either. It sounds like the OP might be leading two of these women on.
that girl Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 The unspoken status quo is to assume you're both seeing other people until you mutually decide to be exclusive, if you so choose to be. When seeing other women you don't actually spell out you're going out with another woman. It's disrespectful and is like rubbing her nose in it. She'll get it, as should you, that other options are being explored by your actions, unavailability, and language along the lines of "going to see a friend". Except one of these girls has already told him that she's in love with him. While I don't understand how that is possible after a couple of dates, she needs to be told he is dating other people because she obviously isn't picking up the clues. The one who wants to take things slow is a little borderline. My guess is that she wouldn't date him seriously or sleep with him if he was still seeing other women. At some point, it is either going to fizzle out or he is going to have to say something.
Author mmk1 Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 actually, the one who wants me to go slow told me to date others. she likes me a lot but is wary about the fact that I have not dated a lot since my marriage ended, which I totally get. I think I am acting responsibly to each. I have never lied to them and I would be truthful if asked about dating others. most of the posts here seem to agree. this weekend I will see all four again, starting tomorrow and that works for me.
Author mmk1 Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 Just an update, I went out with girl #5 last night for the first time and I asked her the OP question. She said she would not expect to be exclusive even after sex without asking, although a lot of girls would. She would be straightforward and ask, which is what I think is right, about other girls and exclusivity.
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