mmk1 Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 I'm dating four girls who I've all dated between 2-4 times each. I have had no talks with any of them about being exclusive but I pretty sure I'm the only guy each of them is dating. Do I need to tell them I'm dating others, only tell if they ask or tell them its none if their business if asked? New to dating again so I'm not sure.
Katherineos123 Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 If I were one of these girls, I would appreciate knowing something like that... Are you dating them to hopefully find someone you would like to have an exclusive relationship with? Or are you just having a good time? This is something I would want to know one way or the other relatively early on. If you're sleeping with any of them, or all of them you should DEFINITELY tell them.
Fire Salamander Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 OP Plz don't listen to women's advice on dating. It's very detrimental to your love life. Look, the truth of the matter is... these girls that you are dating are getting their steady fix of cock from numerous guys. Women decide when the relationship becomes exclusive. Just keeping dating all of them. If any of them ask to be exclusive, then you can make your decision on dropping the other girls. Let them think that you're dating other girls but don't ever explicitly state it. I used to subscribe to the notion that you should be honest about things like this. If you tell them, then they'll justify their actions for getting cock from multiple guys simply because... you're doing the same. Take it from a recovering nice guy. Forget if it's the moral thing or not. Do what gives you the greatest rate of success. Men want relationships, but if we tell them we do, they're gone. This is the only way. Don't let any women tell you otherwise.
LiveWell Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Betty, meet Veronica. Veronica, meet Midge. Midge, meet Josie.
Green Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Well what type of relationship are you looking for. If one of the 4 girls you are dating is some one you want to become exclusive with I suggest having a talk and if all goes well then dropping the other girls. Also I think having sex with multiple girls at the same time unless its clear that you guys aren't exclusive is kind of dishonest. But I see no need to say "I'm dating 4 girls now, just so you know"
that girl Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 these girls that you are dating are getting their steady fix of cock from numerous guys. Yes, every woman is out banging loads of guys. I also have a bridge I would like to sell you. I don't think you need to tell someone on a second date that you are seeing other people, but the closer you get to sleeping with someone the more relevant the information becomes. You shouldn't be hiding it ("none of your business" is a horrible answer) but you don't have to lead with it either. It really depends a little on the relationship. Someone you've been on a few dates with and never slept with is different than someone you are sleeping with, someone you see intermittently is different than someone you see every week
Author mmk1 Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 My view now is not to bring it up. If asked to be exclusive, I can make my choice at that time, as Fire S said. If a girl says, which one did, she's not dating anyone else, that's her decision and if she wants to be exclusive, she'll ask me that directly. Simply telling me that she's not dating anyone else is in my mind, different than asking if we are exclusive.
In The Green Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 I don't understand people like you, probably because I am wired differently. You're dating 4 different women and have gone out 2-4 times with each? You don't have a favorite or one you resonate with the most at this point? Perhaps none of them are the right one? I am not knocking on you, I just lack understanding because I couldn't genuinely focus on 4 different people at once.
Author mmk1 Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 Green, here it is. Im recently divorced and treading with caution. I do not want to make the same mistake again. Right now, this is all casual until I feel I've made the connection with someone who I believe I can have a real relationship with. 2-4 date reflects a very short period of time, about a month. Not a lot of time to make any long-term decisions. Plus, I've gotten a wide variety of responses from these girls. One wants to be casual with no committment, although she is dating only me and stayed at my place twice. Another would be great for me, but she wants to go slow (no sex yet). A third is in love with me and I told her I'm not in a place to make any committments and this is all I can offer. The 4th i've date twice and still seeing if we have any relationship possibility. So, I take it one day at the time. No long-term planning or pressure either way. Time will tell and we'll go from there. I see them all about once a week and that seems right to me.
Raderick Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 As a guy this is exactly why I don't like multi-dating. Knowing that the female is going out dating other along with me, and potentially ****ing these guys makes me feel uneasy. Plus the possibility that I may fall in love with more than one woman and having to choose one over the other at some point (and breaking hearts) is just not for me.
Author mmk1 Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 Raderick, as far I know none of them are dating anyone else, although only one has said that. If they are and find someone they like better, that's fine. I have no lack of company, I'm not emotionally invested in any of them yet, and another bus comes by every 15 minutes. If I do become invested, I will have the exclusive conversation and pick one. Then, things will be different.
Fire Salamander Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 (edited) Look, I can't really understand multi dating either... If you really like someone, shouldn't you only want to be with him/her? Trust me, these girls who tell you they're not dating anyone are at minimal flirting around, enjoying attention from bending over the table and squeezing their breasteses. No matter how much you like a girl, you can't take her seriously until you know she's serious about you. Edited October 26, 2010 by Fire Salamander
Author mmk1 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 FS, ur last post seems to contradict the first but thank you. Im multi-dating because I'm not serious about them yet and vice versa, except one girl is about me. When I decide that I'm serious or someone wants to be exclusive, ill take ur first advice and drop the rest if we decide to be exclusive.
that girl Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 One wants to be casual with no committment, although she is dating only me and stayed at my place twice. All good. Another would be great for me, but she wants to go slow (no sex yet). This is tricky. If she's taking it slow, odds are that she would care that you are seeing other people. Not telling her is a little user-ish and if things do work out and she finds out later could be the end of a promising relationship. A third is in love with me and I told her I'm not in a place to make any committments and this is all I can offer. Stop seeing her. Even if you've made your intentions clear, it is kind of leading her on to keep seeing her.
loverofloveandstuff Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 FS, ur last post seems to contradict the first but thank you. Im multi-dating because I'm not serious about them yet and vice versa, except one girl is about me. When I decide that I'm serious or someone wants to be exclusive, ill take ur first advice and drop the rest if we decide to be exclusive. Yeah, this is good. I don't understand why you would tell the girls that you are dating others in the first place. The whole point of dating, imo, is that you don't owe them that. Unless they ask you, in which case, there isn't really a reason to lie. If some guy started yapping on about other girls he's dating, I would think he's trying to make me jealous or just has no game at all.
hearttobreak Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Did you meet these girls in real life or from a dating site?
daphne Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 My view now is not to bring it up. If asked to be exclusive, I can make my choice at that time, as Fire S said. If a girl says, which one did, she's not dating anyone else, that's her decision and if she wants to be exclusive, she'll ask me that directly. Simply telling me that she's not dating anyone else is in my mind, different than asking if we are exclusive. You clearly don't have a handle on personal responsibility and will come up with a way to excuse it. She told you she wasn't dating someone else in the hopes that you would let her know where you stood. Most women don't like being direct about this kind of thing.
loverofloveandstuff Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 You clearly don't have a handle on personal responsibility and will come up with a way to excuse it. She told you she wasn't dating someone else in the hopes that you would let her know where you stood. Most women don't like being direct about this kind of thing. Maybe she should get a handle on her own personal responsibility by being direct. If somebody really wants to know something, they should just ask.
Fire Salamander Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 To the OP, I understand my last post may seem contradictory. Yet, where I'm getting at is... You have to do things that give you the greatest desired results. Despite your moral or ethical issues regarding multi-dating, if that's what it takes. There's really no merit in self righteousness. Besides, I find girls find me more attractive when I'm multi dating. They start getting jealous, etc... This is all a game. Once I learned how to play it, I've been responsible for my own happiness and It's worked. However, I've never cheated on anyone and never plan to either. Girls multi-date all the time. I'm not using this as justification, but they're light years ahead of men socially and emotionally. Let's learn from them.
loverofloveandstuff Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Girls multi-date all the time. I'm not using this as justification, but they're light years ahead of men socially and emotionally. Let's learn from them. Can you elaborate on this?? By the way, he's not cheating. (Were you implying he is? )
dispatch3d Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 they are on a need to know basis. You don't owe them any explanation, or even to tell them you are dating other girls. Absolutely don't tell them it will only make them upset. Just accept the fact you date 4 girls and thats just the way things are. Obviously don't go out of your way to hide this (makes it look like you are doing something wrong) but don't go out of your way to tell them either. Also never go into details of other girls your seeing. Again, the more information they have the more they can get upset.
Fire Salamander Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Can you elaborate on this?? By the way, he's not cheating. (Were you implying he is? ) No, I was not implying that he nor I was cheating. I used to think that multi dating was completely unfair and ethically wrong.
Philetus Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Green, here it is. Im recently divorced and treading with caution. I do not want to make the same mistake again. Right now, this is all casual until I feel I've made the connection with someone who I believe I can have a real relationship with. 2-4 date reflects a very short period of time, about a month. Not a lot of time to make any long-term decisions. Plus, I've gotten a wide variety of responses from these girls. One wants to be casual with no committment, although she is dating only me and stayed at my place twice. Another would be great for me, but she wants to go slow (no sex yet). A third is in love with me and I told her I'm not in a place to make any committments and this is all I can offer. The 4th i've date twice and still seeing if we have any relationship possibility. So, I take it one day at the time. No long-term planning or pressure either way. Time will tell and we'll go from there. I see them all about once a week and that seems right to me. You sound very similar to me. I separated in February and began dating in March. I was in no rush to find anyone. After 20 years of marriage, it was time to get out there and experience something very different. I dated multiple women at a time until I met my current gf in August. I knew as soon as we met that I wanted to have an exclusive relationship with her. When I multidated, I was very upfront about what was going on when asked questions. If someone asked if we were exclusive, I'd say, 'no'. When asked if I was seeing other women, I'd say, 'yes'. Etc. I only had one woman break up with me because I wouldn't be exclusive with her. If a woman never brought it up, I would. I'd mention it around the time I sensed they were starting to get warm and fuzzy feelings for me.
lenny Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I'd ditch the one that's in love straight away. A couple dates and she's in love - sounds like that one could become a problem if you carry on. I see nothing wrong with casually dating like you are except for maybe the frequency - by having a weekly date there could be an assumption that you are spending all your time with just the one gal. I don't think it's necessary to come clean but your actions shouldn't invite assumptions either. You don't want things to get messy. Also, just a plug here to practice some safe sex if your dippin your wick all over the place.
Author mmk1 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 Two of the girls I've known very casually for several years (the one who wants no committment and the one who's in love with me). The two others are from on-line. One I've dated for about a month and she texts me everyday, which I don't mind because I like her the best. The other on-line girl we went out twice and I'm not sure there's a connection but Friday is our third date and that should let me know. I do like seeing each person once a week. Obviously, I like all of them to a certain extent and it keeps me from being too needy or dependant on any one in particular. If asked, I won't lie about dating other women, I just don't see the point in volunteering that info. I am looking for the right person to have a relationship with and I'm simply not at the point with any of them yet. If one does want to be exclusive, I'll be honest and tell them if I do or don't and we'll take it from there. I do think, however, that if you want to be exclusive, you should be direct and say that rather than leave the other person guessing.
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