flyfishin Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 I'm devastated right now. My g/f who I love more than anything in this world and has easily been the most compatible girl I've ever met was looking for her keys in my car since she dropped them and she looked under my seat and found a thong! This thong was from be4 I met her in back in may I went away for a night with this girl and it mustve fell out of her clothes bag under my seat! I never slept with any1 in my car before so I know it had to be her because it was from a very petite girl and she had that build. Noow my gf thinks I cheated on her with somebody in my car! It looks horrible but yes I had my car cleaned and I guess the guys left it in there. My gf doesn't trust me and doesn't think she can be with me anymore. What the hell do I do? I love this girl so much and I can't lose her! I never cheated on her and never would! It looks so bad!!!!!
Katherineos123 Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 This absolutely looks very bad, yes. If I were you... I might give her a few days, and try to let the dust settle. Tell her you would like to get together face to face to talk, and explain to her what happened. If she wont see you, write her a letter. But I gotta be honest, it would be difficult for me to believe you. Assuming you have a healthy, trusting relationship, she might. But if you've ever dooped her before, its gona be very hard... If she forgives you, you're going to have to gain her trust back, and it will probably be a long arduous process. Good luck to you!
ascendotum Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 What a real shame for you. If you have been going out with this girl for more than 3 mths or longer, then explaining away how this thong has been sitting on the floor of your car is going to be hard. Its also going to hard to explain how it just happened to be her knickers that fell out of her bag, and how they also just happened to roll under the car seat, without either of you noticing. Its possible but you are going to have be very convincing to your girlfriend. I would do my best to explain the truth face to face while looking into her eyes all the time. I don't know if I would mention the fact that you had your car professionally cleaned, uh and they must have missed this. I'd be inclined to leave that bit out. IDK, but I'd be tempted to get your girlfriend to contact the petite girl to confirm the thong was hers from x number of months ago. Good Luck, your going to need it.
leftfordead2 Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 I'm devastated right now. My g/f who I love more than anything in this world and has easily been the most compatible girl I've ever met was looking for her keys in my car since she dropped them and she looked under my seat and found a thong! This thong was from be4 I met her in back in may I went away for a night with this girl and it mustve fell out of her clothes bag under my seat! I never slept with any1 in my car before so I know it had to be her because it was from a very petite girl and she had that build. Noow my gf thinks I cheated on her with somebody in my car! It looks horrible but yes I had my car cleaned and I guess the guys left it in there. My gf doesn't trust me and doesn't think she can be with me anymore. What the hell do I do? I love this girl so much and I can't lose her! I never cheated on her and never would! It looks so bad!!!!! Wow, that is really bad luck. Is there any way to prove that the panty was from a few months back in May? Since it's under the seat, it may have accumulated dirt and is stinky and dirty?
Author flyfishin Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 Wow, that is really bad luck. Is there any way to prove that the panty was from a few months back in May? Since it's under the seat, it may have accumulated dirt and is stinky and dirty? I threw it out but I didn't smell it and it wasn't too dirty. At this point I thing I lost a great girl and the worst thing is I really didn't do anything. I'm just speechless this morning. Idk what the heck to do. This girl was so different. She was sooooo into me. The worst thing she is I've already met her family this happened the night I introduced her to mine and every1 loved her. I begged her to believe me but it really doesn't look good at all.
mitchell Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Take a deep breath and write her a letter. Yes, an old fashioned letter that you send in the mail. Explain your feelings for her. Explain that you didn't cheat on her. Explain how the thong must have gotten under your seat months ago. Mail her the letter and call her in a few days.
Author flyfishin Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 Take a deep breath and write her a letter. Yes, an old fashioned letter that you send in the mail. Explain your feelings for her. Explain that you didn't cheat on her. Explain how the thong must have gotten under your seat months ago. Mail her the letter and call her in a few days. Thanks im willing to give anything a try!
BackUpOrGetStung Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 You should first, explain everything that you've explained here. Then break up with her and tell her that you know you're not a liar or a cheater, but it's not worth it to you if she can't get over this trust issue. Tell her that if she thinks she can and wants to work it out, then to give you a call, but not to bother otherwise. Doesn't sound like the nicest way of going about it, but it will work.
Author flyfishin Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 You should first, explain everything that you've explained here. Then break up with her and tell her that you know you're not a liar or a cheater, but it's not worth it to you if she can't get over this trust issue. Tell her that if she thinks she can and wants to work it out, then to give you a call, but not to bother otherwise. Doesn't sound like the nicest way of going about it, but it will work. really? dump her?
Star Gazer Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 really? dump her? No!!!! My G-d! This girl is FULLY JUSTIFIED in feeling the way she does. You know that. Breaking up with her in the manner suggested would make it seem like you think it's HER fault that she doesn't trust you. I wouldn't even give her space, as that would make it seem like you're devising a plan/explanation. This needs to be nipped in the bud ASAP. Any way you can get the girl from May to say it was hers and she hasn't seen you since then?
tinktronik Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 really? dump her? No, not really. Don't do this. This just makes it look as though you are trying to turn the tables on her.
Jannah Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 The question I would ask myself if I were in your girlfriend's shoes, is... "How the heck does a woman's thong fall out of a clothing bag to underneath the driver's seat and remain there for as long as it did". I don't know, stranger things have happened, I guess.
Author flyfishin Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 No!!!! My G-d! This girl is FULLY JUSTIFIED in feeling the way she does. You know that. Breaking up with her in the manner suggested would make it seem like you think it's HER fault that she doesn't trust you. I wouldn't even give her space, as that would make it seem like you're devising a plan/explanation. This needs to be nipped in the bud ASAP. Any way you can get the girl from May to say it was hers and she hasn't seen you since then? I don't know if that's possible. I have her # still somewhere but wouldn't it look bad I still have her # laying around? Idk even know if she would be willing to explain. We didn't end on bad terms but I kindo f stopped calling her.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 (edited) My method of dumping her will work. It will also cut out all the bull**** in between. Honestly, what's the point of jumping through all the hoops and still not knowing how it will turn out. Just end it and let her figure out what she wants, and if she decides she can get over it, then she'll let you know. If she can't, then it saves you the weeks of limbo that you'll be going crazy without an answer. Just do it, and she'll probably come back in 3 days, max. It's a totally unexpected move, that she won't see coming. It will show her just how serious you are about what you're saying, and most likely make her believe you. It also gives you back the power in the situation. I haven't seen a quicker, easier, or more likely to succeed suggestion on this thread yet. Even those that disagreed with my method, did not disagree with its probability of working. Edited October 25, 2010 by BackUpOrGetStung
welikeincrowds Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 I don't know about bringing in the other girl. I could see that backfiring in so many different ways. Here's the thing, OP. Assuming you're telling the truth: if you're persistent, I am confident you will be able to resolve this issue. People don't want to be cheated on for a number of reasons, but one of them is that people don't want to feel that they are stupid or naive. People will have an internal conflict until they come to a conclusion that doesn't make them feel bad about themselves anymore. Your challenge is that she feels stupid and naive, and so she will be hesitant to believe your story -- lest she really prove to be stupid and naive. On the other hand, she doesn't want to feel that way at all. What she really wants is for your story to be true, and for you to have not cheated on her. There is the possibility that it's too late, and she doesn't care anymore -- she solved the internal conflict by deciding that you were secretly an expert ******* all along. However, if she hasn't yet gotten that far, I'm sure that if you keep repenting, she'll eventually relent.
welikeincrowds Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 It's a totally unexpected move Exactly, because it's a mind game, and it's really horrible. Rejecting her after for all she knows he cheated on her? After she already feels rejected, used, stupid? And all because he shouldn't "jump through hoops" of fixing a relationship that he stupidly, absent-mindedly broke? I'd call it manipulative but it's just tactless. What the **** is wrong with you?
BackUpOrGetStung Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 "Your challenge is that she feels stupid and naive, and so she will be hesitant to believe your story -- lest she really prove to be stupid and naive. On the other hand, she doesn't want to feel that way at all. What she really wants is for your story to be true, and for you to have not cheated on her. There is the possibility that it's too late, and she doesn't care anymore -- she solved the internal conflict by deciding that you were secretly an expert ******* all along. However, if she hasn't yet gotten that far, I'm sure that if you keep repenting, she'll eventually relent." I agree with this, but is also the same bull**** that my method will cut out.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Call it what you want, it's really just cutting out all the nonsense. If he really is innocent, then why should he have to endure what she's going to put him through? She's going to make him suffer for something that he didn't do, and I'm offering a solution to avoid it.
welikeincrowds Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 If he really is innocent, then why should he have to endure what she's going to put him through? Because he's not innocent. He had a pair of some other girl's panties in his car. That's a violation. It really sucks that how it got there was apparently way out of his control, but it still happened. This is why US law makes a distinction between murder and manslaughter. He is justified in doing time to ensure that his girlfriend doesn't feel like ****.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Well, I don't agree with the idea of "doing time", and I'd much rather pull a get out of jail free card. I still don't understand why you think my advice is so cruel. She's either going to leave him, or keep him around and be really insecure for a while and demand to know everything(which will be punishment enough). My advice is really just forcing her hand so the OP doesn't have to wait in limbo for her to make a decision. It's for his own sanity, break up, and if she can get over this then she'll come back, if not, then he's already saved himself the time and trouble and started moving on. It's a win-win, I don't understand why he should "do time".
Treetopbaby Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 If I found something like that in my boyfriends car, yeah i would go mad. No doubt about it. But, honestly, if he sat me down, to talk about it face to face, looked me in the eyes te whole time annd actually tried to explain to me then i would listen, as long as i trusted him before, he hadnt done anything to make me doubt him previously AND as long as i could tell he was being genuine and that i meant a lot to him, i think eventually i would belive him. I would definatly want him to prove to me in some way that im the only one though, a romantic jesture wouldnt hurt as long as she knows you not just doing it because your guilty. However, I do NOT agree with the dumping her thing, to me that would just make me think that he doesnt care about me, he couldnt even be bothered to try and explain or win back my confidence?!
BackUpOrGetStung Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Treetopbaby, The first thing I said to do is sit her down and explain everything he explained to us...
Treetopbaby Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Yes, and i agree with that bit but the dumping her?!
BackUpOrGetStung Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 (edited) It shows her that he's serious about what he's saying, and is willing to end the relationship if she doesn't trust him at his word. You insinuated that I suggested he just dump her with no explanation, when really I told him to explain it, then dump her and tell her to come back if she thinks she can get over the problem, and it's worth saving the relationship. Edited October 25, 2010 by BackUpOrGetStung
Angel1111 Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 (edited) Call it what you want, it's really just cutting out all the nonsense. If he really is innocent, then why should he have to endure what she's going to put him through? She's going to make him suffer for something that he didn't do, and I'm offering a solution to avoid it. While I think this is too extreme, I think the idea is somewhat on target in the sense that OP is going to be beating his head against the wall trying to prove he didn't do something he's being accused of. It's a nearly impossible task and there will come a point where he'll have to call it quits if she can't come to terms with this. OP, I think if I were in your shoes, I'd talk or write to her and say something like, "I would never cheat on you in a million years. Look at our relationship, look how compatible we are, how happy I am. You have no idea how floored I am that you came across this after so much time has passed and I know how completely terrible it looks. I am totally heartbroken that I may lose you over something I didn't do. And I'm more heartbroken knowing that there is very little I can do here to prove myself. I don't know if it helps, but if I cheated on you, I would admit to it. But I don't worry about that because I wouldn't cheat. In this case, it's really going to come down to whether you actually believe me or not. If you take time to yourself - maybe a few days or a week - to think about it, I think you will know that I wouldn't do this. But if you do take time to think about it and you don't think you can trust me after all, then I know it will be over for us and I would truly hate that. I'm asking you to give me the benefit of the doubt because I don't think I've ever given you reason to think I would be unfaithful to you and be so dumb as to mess up such an incredible relationship that I have with you. I love you more than you'll ever know." If that doesn't work, then at that point I would suggest ending it because it really does come down to whether she trusts you or not. I think you need to let the decision be hers in the sense that she decides whether she can forget this and trust you, or not. Then if she can't trust you, you may want to break up with her. That may get her attention after she sees that you're unhappy and not dating anyone. Edited October 25, 2010 by Angel1111
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