scottyboy Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Hi guys, So my ex and i broke up about a month ago, due to the fact that shes tired of the negative things in the relationship (from me). Such things include neglecting her, treating her not as well as she'd want me to, and breaking some promises etc. She said shes given me too many chances and she thinks its gonna go nowhere. Shes scared of giving me a 2nd chance because she thinks it'll happen again. Other than that, im sure she still has feelings for me. I believe if i was given that 2nd chance i'd change for good. Im sure of it. In order to get her back, is NC really the way to go? I dont think the silence between us is gonna fix anything... I think she just needs to know im really gonna change. Should i talk to her instead?
strength-abounds Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Whats up dude. I would like give my opinion about NC. NC is a healing method for someone to move on after a break up. It is not intended to be a mind***k trick to lure an ex back to your arms. 9 times out of 10 it nevers works out. However, NC has been successful to lure an ex back. If you institute a NC policy for your ex, be prepared to accept that NC will not bring your ex back. Good luck brother.
nycgirl6 Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 As for me, NC works only if: 1. Enough time has gone by for me to miss the person and to forget some of the drama. 2. Too much time hasn't gone by so that I don't end up completely over it. 3. If I really want to be with the person and didn't break up just because I'm bored with him. 4. When contact is resumed, I'm looking for the first sign that the person has not changed, and that will be it. For me, one month of NC is about right. Then I like just a simple - Hi. How've you been? If I answer something short or not at all, it's over. If I go into detail about how I'm doing, the guy still has a chance to not screw up again. Good luck.
Username37 Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Go NC Reach a point of indifference. Where you don't love or hate your ex and where you don't care if she comes back or not.
Author scottyboy Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 Thx for the replies, thing is, im not trying to move on atm, i wanna get her back. Im trying to chase her back and fix the relationship. Would NC fix the relationship or should i keep in contact with her and show her ive changed?
Arabella Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Thx for the replies, thing is, im not trying to move on atm, i wanna get her back. Im trying to chase her back and fix the relationship. Would NC fix the relationship or should i keep in contact with her and show her ive changed? NC doesn't fix a relationship. At best, it gives both partners enough time to cool and think about whatever problems ended the relationship. BUT these things still need to be discussed and resolved before a reconciliation can be attempted. Don't keep in contact with her. All you're going to do is irritate her. Leave her alone, and when she's ready... she will contact you. Or, she might not contact you at all, but you have to be ready for that. In short, there is nothing you can really do to "get her" back. She has to want it, and right now she doesn't. Arabella
nycgirl6 Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Wow! I feel like I just wasted my breath. lol. Maybe I understand your gf a bit better.
Capthxc Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 (edited) There is no effective strategy on getting them back. Everyone's situation is different. I'm NC with her because i need to work on myself before the thought of a relationship, whether its with her or someone else, crosses my mind again. I'm pretty sure shes NC with me because she doesnt want to give off the wrong signals at the wrong time. I told her to contact me whenever shes ready to talk, but the truth is i'm probably going to break it once i reach that point to where i feel i've truly changed, and her response wont affect me one way or another. If you go NC with the intent of winning them back it will fail because when you initiate contact with them again you're hoping for that response. But in the few successful stories ive seen that involve doing that, usually 5-10 weeks is the time frame for when they begin to miss you. From what i've read on these boards, chasing someone, trying to be friends right after the BU, or going LC is usually the worst way to win them back. Move on with your life, do what you need to do. Date other people if you have to, work out, take some extra classes at school, work overtime, whatever. Just focus on yourself and everything will fall into place. Your situation sounds exactly like mine. The neglect, the second chances, just about everything is spot on. Even how you think you have to "win" her back. I was the same way, and i still kind of am. I sit here and wonder if NC is just making her forget about me. And if it really is then i've accepted that it wasnt meant to be and what we had wasnt as meaningful as i thought it was. Trust me, just work on yourself before you work on getting her back. Edited October 25, 2010 by Capthxc
Don Ho Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Wow! I feel like I just wasted my breath. lol. Maybe I understand your gf a bit better. What??? LOL. Don't you love it when they don't listen? Scotty. NO, staying in contact will NOT help. You will irritate her and push her away. You're only "chance" is to go complete NC for about a month.
andrew-bkk Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 From what i've read on these boards, chasing someone, trying to be friends right after the BU, or going LC is usually the worst way to win them back. Move on with your life, do what you need to do. Date other people if you have to, work out, take some extra classes at school, work overtime, whatever. Just focus on yourself and everything will fall into place. Excellent comment. The best way to get over a girl is to get on top of another one. Call it exercise if you want; call it keeping fit; call it an endorphin rush; call it revenge; call it being a new man. In fact, call it whatever you want. But moving on and staying NC does work. I never knew these things until I started reading this forum. But recently I've learned a lot and I've moved on well.
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