TLCbear Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I recently ended a relationship with my ex about 2 weeks ago. I ended it by no longer taking his calls, straight to NC, because I was tired of his BS. The first week and a half of NC has been pretty good, emotions ran a little up and down. I thought I was getting closer and closer of getting over him because at first I was angry and then became just the opposite. I noticed a couple of days ago, that my emotions has become more and more up and down and all over the place. One day I'm good, the next I'm mad, sad, hurt, etc. Anyway, now I have so much on my mind that I would like to express to him, but I don't want to talk to him face to face because it would lead to an argument. I feel like I have to get it out so I can have closure and move on. I thought maybe posting on here would help and it did at first, but I'm just getting this overwhelming feeling and don't know what to do. Last night I wrote a three page letter, but not sure if I should send it to him. Can someone help me out?
tbird509 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 so you think by sending him this letter your going to get closure and your going to feel better? i think you should do that face to face even if it leads to an arguement,but thats just my opinion.do whatever your gut tells you to
Author TLCbear Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 so you think by sending him this letter your going to get closure and your going to feel better? i think you should do that face to face even if it leads to an arguement,but thats just my opinion.do whatever your gut tells you to Thank you for responding. That is right, closure. I feel so hurt right now and have lots of questions. I would like to speak with him face to face but I know he's like talking to a brick wall...guess that's why I chose to write a letter because I have all my thoughts on paper with any interruptions.
tbird509 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 well then you could do both,talk in person and give him the letter when you leave,if your so hurt,why did you breakup with him and why dont you want to make it work?
Author TLCbear Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 well then you could do both,talk in person and give him the letter when you leave,if your so hurt,why did you breakup with him and why dont you want to make it work? I had been having off and on issues with him and cell phones...naked pics, signing up for dating sites, texting. A couple of weeks ago before the break up I came to find out he had a cell phone without my knowledge...found the phone charger behind my sofa. Found out from my daugther that he's on the phone when I'm either asleep or in my room watching tv. He's not suppose to have one. I'm not sure if he physically cheated on me, but I wouldn't doubt it. Right now, I still would like to be with him, but I know he's not going to change his behavior. I already have given him about 5 chances within the 2 and a half years. I did my part and want to try to move on and get back to the life I had before I met him.
tbird509 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 well then it sounds like your making the right move by letting go,theirs somebody out their that will treat you how you deserve
GrayClouds Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 There is always on more thing to say, always a would of, should of, could of. But closure comes when you decide to move on. Go ahead and write the letter and then burn it. A letters sent is never done without wanting a reply. And wanting a reply just keeps you stuck.
spice4life Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I recently ended a relationship with my ex about 2 weeks ago. I ended it by no longer taking his calls, straight to NC, because I was tired of his BS. The first week and a half of NC has been pretty good, emotions ran a little up and down. I thought I was getting closer and closer of getting over him because at first I was angry and then became just the opposite. I noticed a couple of days ago, that my emotions has become more and more up and down and all over the place. One day I'm good, the next I'm mad, sad, hurt, etc. Anyway, now I have so much on my mind that I would like to express to him, but I don't want to talk to him face to face because it would lead to an argument. I feel like I have to get it out so I can have closure and move on. I thought maybe posting on here would help and it did at first, but I'm just getting this overwhelming feeling and don't know what to do. Last night I wrote a three page letter, but not sure if I should send it to him. Can someone help me out? I'm in the same boat so to speak. I recently broke up with my bf and it was tough because I tried to tell him face to face and we ended up in a debate. It kind of irked me because he was trying to tell me how I feel and how I am wrong. How can you be wrong about how you feel? So, after that weekend I went complete NC and stopped returning his calls. I am thinking of sending him a letter as well to get my thoughts out without him interrupting me and it turning into an argument. I feel it is necessary to send the letter so he can at least start to heal and move on. We both need to move on. I just afraid he won't accept it and try to contact me even more than he is now. That has happened in the past. I'm not sure if I am any help here. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and that I am in the same situation.
Author TLCbear Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 There is always on more thing to say, always a would of, should of, could of. But closure comes when you decide to move on. Go ahead and write the letter and then burn it. A letters sent is never done without wanting a reply. And wanting a reply just keeps you stuck. Thank you for responding. That is what I'm trying to do, move on. It's really wierd, first I thought I was going through the appropriate grieving stages, you know, the usually, can't sleep, eat, different emotions. Began to feel better, now it's like I relapsed...starting the whole cycle again. Don't have a clue why I feel this way. I just woke up with this panicking feeling that it's really over with. Thought I have already been through this stage. Is it common to go through these stages back and forth? This is the first relationship I had to end and didn't want to so it's really hard.
Author TLCbear Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 well then it sounds like your making the right move by letting go,theirs somebody out their that will treat you how you deserve Thanks Tbird. Hey, I did try, lol. Back to the drawing board.
Author TLCbear Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 Thank you for responding. It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. I'm going to sit on it for a couple of days and see how I feel then and decide.
tbird509 Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 well,just realize if you cant trust him you have nothing,he could every quality that every women could want from their partner,but no matter what your going through,you know u cant trust him and your making the right decission in the long run,it might hurt like hell now,but when all is said and done,theirs someone who will treat you how you deserve to be treated
GrayClouds Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 With every step forward, there is a new piece of grieving that needs to happen. But you know the drill, have a good cry, beat up a pillow or two and then stop thinking about the EX and get out there and do something good for yourself.
Author TLCbear Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 With every step forward, there is a new piece of grieving that needs to happen. But you know the drill, have a good cry, beat up a pillow or two and then stop thinking about the EX and get out there and do something good for yourself. I have been doing just that, lol, but it's the night time that get me. Whenever I'm in bed going to sleep, is usually when it starts. I wake up in a panic or get this sinking feeling in my heart. It's hard to sleep, was doing good, a week ago, but now seems like I'm back to square one.
valpre Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 I remember feeling like that in the mornings - it's rough. It's almost as if you need to re-programme yourself each morning as you adjust to your new situation. Reading or writing down all your thoughts before going to sleep may help to clear your mind. Hope you feel better soon!
curiousnycgirl Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 I did a somewhat similar thing - after 6 years, of a mostly on relationship, although we had our blips - I''d say we have 4 or 5 breaks over the years. In Septebmer I found his match.com profile - and I basically lost it. I copied his profile into an email - sent it to him with a subject line saying we have nothing left to say to eachother. He sent me a few notes and I responded with one or two line responses and that was it at first. A week later I went on our planned (and paid for) vacation and from a distance of 1500 miles I felt ready to at least give him a better explanation. I wrote him a long note, telling him I could not speak to him but that when I saw his profile I had a viscreal pained reaction, etc. He wrote back basically telling me I was wrong and that was it. Over the course of a month I spent a lot of time writing letters and notes to a diary. It started out as notes to his best friend that I knew I could never send, but it was all stuff that I needed to get out. And it helped me organize all the data I had been taking in for the past 6 years to realize what a total a$$ he really was. For all this time everyone has been telling me, and I thought they were wrong, they just didn't see the real him. Um....no - I was wearing rose colored glasses. The funny thing is that everyone here knew it too - so clearly I was honest about what he was doing - because I posted it accurately - it's like the mother of a serial killer saying oh but isn't he cute?! Finally last week I started writing him a note. I had no clue if I was going to send it or not, but I needed to write it for ME. It allowed me to finally sum up my take on what happened over the past 6 years, truth is I had to take responsibility for my actions - while his words lied to me all that time, his actions told me loud and clear that he was using me. Well I sent that note on Saturday. As expected he has not responded and I doubt he will - and you know what, it doesn't matter. I needed to do it for me. So I understand your position. So now that I've told you all about me - what about you - How long were you with him? Do you really feel ready? What happened to make you walk? How old are you guys? What's the deal? I'm telling you I did very serious and in depth reflection and contemplation - 2 weeks, hmmmmm you sure?
Author TLCbear Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 Thanks for responding. I was with him for 2 and half years and ended the relationship because I got tired of the issues with him and cell phones. First time, it was 6 months into the relationship and it was the internet. I came to find out he had signed up for a couple of dating sites. Confronted him about it, he apologized and said he wouldn't do it again. A couple of months later, I found naked pics of girls on his cell. Fast forward, many months later, texts on his cell. Ok, so no more cell phone. Now, recently, a new cell phone awakes. Came to find out through my child that recently before the break up he would be on a cell when I'm in my room. Found the phone charger behind the sofa. We both agreed long time ago, we would not have a get another cell phone because it caused alot of problems. Since my cell phone bill was gettting higher, I decided to stick with my home phone and the cell he had, he broke it in an argument...but another cell phone ended up in the picture. I guess the main thing that hurts is the fact he lied and hid things from me when he didn't have to. It's really hard for me because I didn't want to end the relationship, however, was forced to do it because of him acting stupid. He treated me good and it's hard to understand why he would get a new cell phone and hid it from me. If he wanted to be with other females, all he had to do was be honest. I'm 31 and he's 40. I would like to be back with him as of now, but know he's not going to change. I really don't want to see him that's why I want to send a letter and it's more so for me. I wanted to get everything out on my chest that have been nagging at me. I would love for him to be a man and apologize...that's the main thing. It's nice to see that I'm not the only one who is or has wrong through this. Thanks.
Author TLCbear Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 I remember feeling like that in the mornings - it's rough. It's almost as if you need to re-programme yourself each morning as you adjust to your new situation. Reading or writing down all your thoughts before going to sleep may help to clear your mind. Hope you feel better soon! Thanks for responding. I will definite try that, writing that 3 page made me feel better at that time. I know I will get over it, but I want it now.
SunsetRed Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 As I'm writing to you I am also fighting urges to call me my ex, urges that are so strong I feel sick and my heart hurts. I don't think you should send the 3 page letter. You'll regret it if you do and all it will do is cause him to be more distant and he may use the letter against you in the future. I know how strong these urges are, believe me, I am so feeling them now. I feel stuck and as if I don't get one more contact from him, I'll never move on and date someone else. I'm making up all these excuses to contact him but I'm stalling myself by making myself wait at least one week before I do. Then next week, I'll stall myself again. Keep the letter in a safe place and don't sent it. Take it out a year from now and pat yourself on the back for how far you will have come.
havehope Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 I felt I never got closure because he ended it over the phone and I haven't seen him since... so like you... I wrote letters upon letters of many pages on my computer and printed them out with every intention of sending them, in hopes to get closure or make him feel as bad as he made me feel. I never sent a single one for a few reasons. And looking back, I am SO glad I didnt: 1) I waited 24-48 hours after writing it, to go back and look at it. I asked myself, "do I still want to REALLY send this?" Once its sent, you can't get it back. 2) What if he showed it to his friends/family/roommate/new gf? I didn't want them to see what I wrote. 3) He wasn't worth my time. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how bad he hurt me and that it was bothering me so bad its therapeutic to write them, but unless you feel the relationship has a legitmate chance of fixing everything, I wouldn't send them
Author TLCbear Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 Thank you so much SunsetRed and havehope. Both of your input makes a lot of sense. I agree and I don't want anyone looking at the letter but him. This has really gotten me back to being focused. It haven't contacted him since the day before I start straight NC and very proud of myself, I don't want to lose that now. I'm still debating, but the percentage of me not sending the letter is 80/20. I just hope I can sleep better tonight. Thanks everyone for your input!
GrayClouds Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 I have been doing just that, lol, but it's the night time that get me. Whenever I'm in bed going to sleep, is usually when it starts. I wake up in a panic or get this sinking feeling in my heart. It's hard to sleep, was doing good, a week ago, but now seems like I'm back to square one. Before you go to sleep, get a pen and paper and write. Write all you thoughts down, do not edit yourself, do not worry about spelling or grammar, do even worry if you can read it, just write until you can write any more. It will help you get it out of your head and sleep.
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