Silly_Girl Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 SG, It doesn't impact his welfare. What you do on your time is your business. From what I have read, your a very good parent. You have a good job and I'm sure he has more than enough of what he needs monetarily and emotionally. You know how you picture a poster and their family that is spoken of and stuff...this is what I pictured you to be: Very attractive, well dressed, always clean and your son likewise...actually I pictured you a clean freak???? Is that true??? Oh bless you, I wish I WAS a clean freak (and attractive!!), I'm too busy to be a clean freak. But my son has been approached by strangers and complimented for being extremely polite, and he's always getting housepoints for his care for others and general demeanour. He holds his own at school, grade-wise, but it's those other things I value more. Pure, I agree that these things don't necessarily impact on children, or impact negatively. I just get frustrated because it's another stick to bash the OW's with, when really it's different in all cases, and there's not one set of rules.
greengoddess Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 There is a difference between lying to protect somebody and lying because you are ashamed/embarrassed by your actions.
Silly_Girl Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 There is a difference between lying to protect somebody and lying because you are ashamed/embarrassed by your actions. Ah. We approve of selective lying. But is it not protecting someone if they found something out which they found hurtful?? Not necessarily my opinion, just thinking aloud... I stand by my view that it depends on the situation, whether a parent's actions impact (negatively) or not. Also, I believe how the spouse deals with things can have an ENORMOUS impact on the kids, including adult kids. Sometimes that influence can be barely perceptible, yet extremely effective.
greengoddess Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I find it very interesting how you went on about lying to your children about your ex to protect them. That was one of my exact points. Ow like to make it that the wife/exwife taints the relationship with the cheater when usually the opposite is true. The mom normally goes out of her way to protect her children from what their dad really is. When the children find out they make their own judgments but somehow it is all the wifes fault because they know. It is not the fault of the cheater and his ACTIONS that caused it.
greengoddess Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Why do you think that kids need to even KNOW about their parent's sex life? It's none of their business. Do you tell your kids you're going to bang their dad instead of "talking" upstairs? Or are you in the habit of living a lie too? GEL It's not living a lie. Husbands and wives have sex. It is a big part of marriage. Children know not to open a closed bedroom door for this very reason. No one announces hey I am going upstairs for some sex. It is a very different case when you lie to your child everytime you walk out the door because you are engaging in an affair with a married person.
Silly_Girl Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I find it very interesting how you went on about lying to your children about your ex to protect them. That was one of my exact points. Ow like to make it that the wife/exwife taints the relationship with the cheater when usually the opposite is true. The mom normally goes out of her way to protect her children from what their dad really is. When the children find out they make their own judgments but somehow it is all the wifes fault because they know. It is not the fault of the cheater and his ACTIONS that caused it. In YOUR view, mum normally does that. In my view mum often does that outwardly and openly, but things are a little different in the day to day life. And I also know of a few mums who didn't try to protect their kids at all. One mum was being taken to court for weekly contact, and told the kids daddy was trying to make her go to PRISON and then the kids would go in to care. And I know because I read all the documents for that case. It was my then step-daughter. And you can say 'it's the exception', but there's a lot of that in real life. Just that most of us are lucky enough to only be exposed to rational, well-meaning people.
Silly_Girl Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 It's not living a lie. Husbands and wives have sex. It is a big part of marriage. Children know not to open a closed bedroom door for this very reason. No one announces hey I am going upstairs for some sex. It is a very different case when you lie to your child everytime you walk out the door because you are engaging in an affair with a married person. Is it different? I wonder. When I found out later about lies I was told, it made me recall the experience differently. It made me remember it less fondly, and feel bitter. I mentioned this on a thread like this and a poster made a compelling argument that this is not the case, and that subsequent knowledge doesn't retroactively turn a good childhood in to a bad one. Wish I could remember who posted it, it was very persuasive.
bentnotbroken Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I think this horse died about 10 miles back. I don't think he feels anything.
jthorne Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I think this horse died about 10 miles back. I don't think he feels anything. The flies started swirling about 5 miles ago. I hope everybody's all done before the maggots appear. Hopefully, the OP got something out of her thread somewhere along the road.
Fieldsofgold Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I think this horse died about 10 miles back. I don't think he feels anything. LOL! Yep, hauling the wagon in, even as we speak.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I think most people would take issue with someone's sex life being the strongest indication of someone's character. Actions, not SEX, are the strongest indication of someone's character. Especially when no one's looking. I agree. its not sex, but rather actions. But as far as being a good parent, if the actions, due to the sex life, are robbing the father/mother of time with their children, then that would be an indicator of their character. I'd never put a relationship, sex, whatever, ahead of my children.
NoIDidn't Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Where in my statement did I cheerlead...it was a statement of fact ...period. Now on the otherhand I have seen "Christians", at least that's what they call themselves, cheerlead for for things that the Bible clearly calls abominations. This thread is so far off topic, I can't see how adding one more will change it at this point. We can certainly take this to PM if you desire, because I'm seeing a real conflict here, not a simple statement of what one considers "facts". I say this because my observation didn't occur with just one post, but with many posts over a period of time.
Mimolicious Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Probably like those laws like spitting on the sidewalk, still on the books, but not recognised. I have never heard of a case where someone actually went to jail...shoot, at least 50% of the population would be in jail:eek: It's actually a misdemeanor (who goes to jail for those?) and you can actually sue the AP. Holds up pretty heft in a D settlement in a state that still has it on the "books". Same as you can get a ticket for spitting, if you are caught.
pureinheart Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 This thread is so far off topic, I can't see how adding one more will change it at this point. We can certainly take this to PM if you desire, because I'm seeing a real conflict here, not a simple statement of what one considers "facts". I say this because my observation didn't occur with just one post, but with many posts over a period of time. That is not what you said. You quoted one statement and called it cheerleading. There is a select few that take so much out of context that it blows my mind...The statement I made had nothing to do with cheerleading on any level. Out of curiousity did it have to to with "you go girl"...just curious If I did cheerlead anywhere ESPECIALLY in this forum, what possible difference could it make to you except for an argument.
Mimolicious Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I think MAYBE we need to welcome some new people back. But what happened to the OP of this thread? I hope she comes back. I think there are 10 active posters with 20 different names on here. But like GEL would say "That is your opinion but in not correct" or whatevertheheck she said. I find it hilarious that people are barked at for giving their opinion, after all this is a DISCUSSION BOARD. and this thread is dead as a horse...
pureinheart Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 It's actually a misdemeanor (who goes to jail for those?) and you can actually sue the AP. Holds up pretty heft in a D settlement in a state that still has it on the "books". Same as you can get a ticket for spitting, if you are caught. Where I live the cops have real crimes to deal with.
Mimolicious Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Where I live the cops have real crimes to deal with. And where I live cops have quotas to meet yet it's called "THE CAPITAL OF THE WORLD!" Don't tell me now that things as fines and such don't exist or are not implied because YOU don't live in such place. Cops walk around hone, they are not doing sweeps 24hrs a day. Oh that reminds me... let me go to my city's site to pay for my $25 fine for drinking a hot beverage on the subway. Ridiculous.
pureinheart Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 And where I live cops have quotas to meet yet it's called "THE CAPITAL OF THE WORLD!" Don't tell me now that things as fines and such don't exist or are not implied because YOU don't live in such place. Cops walk around hone, they are not doing sweeps 24hrs a day. Oh that reminds me... let me go to my city's site to pay for my $25 fine for drinking a hot beverage on the subway. Ridiculous. Here they are too busy answering calls and telling the people it's not their job, or file an RO, then you file an RO and they say file a PR, then you talk to a detective and they say they will get back with you, or do you have any proof? The main answer is there's nothing they can do. Seriously Mimo, it's a game here, the state is in disaster thanks to the Terminator (s)...they really don't even investigate major crimes now. The court dockets are full along with the jails....basically they are placating the citizens now:(
Silly_Girl Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 and this thread is dead as a horse... It gives me such a giggle that folks are actually electing to expend their energy to a) post on a 'dead' thread; and b) post nothing except the assertion the subject is done. Just skip it and move on??!
Mimolicious Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Here they are too busy answering calls and telling the people it's not their job, or file an RO, then you file an RO and they say file a PR, then you talk to a detective and they say they will get back with you, or do you have any proof? The main answer is there's nothing they can do. Seriously Mimo, it's a game here, the state is in disaster thanks to the Terminator (s)...they really don't even investigate major crimes now. The court dockets are full along with the jails....basically they are placating the citizens now:( I am not kidding! I got a fine $25 for taking my coffee into the subway. That was like a month ago. Now those suckers are going to charge me $35 FML! The same here. You call 311, they send you to 411, then THEY send you to 911. All I want is this RACOON out of my backyard!!!! Oops! T/J...
Mimolicious Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 It gives me such a giggle that folks are actually electing to expend their energy to a) post on a 'dead' thread; and b) post nothing except the assertion the subject is done. Just skip it and move on??! Right and be rude while you're at it and not respond to someone that quoted you. I get the drill.... Time to remove this site out of my bookmarks. So long!
desertIslandCactus Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I am not kidding! I got a fine $25 for taking my coffee into the subway. That was like a month ago. Now those suckers are going to charge me $35 FML! The same here. You call 311, they send you to 411, then THEY send you to 911. All I want is this RACOON out of my backyard!!!! Oops! T/J... For that .. they tell us to drive to 'animal control' and pickup a trap. Pure is correct .. no crime fighters here .. but plenty of fines and they're working on more..
Silly_Girl Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Right and be rude while you're at it and not respond to someone that quoted you. I get the drill.... Time to remove this site out of my bookmarks. So long! I'm really sorry Mimo, I don't understand your post. Not sure whether I've ignored someone, or if you're referring to yourself being quoted. My comment was because yours was one in a line. I've probably missed something in the thread, there's quite a lot of references between posters that I don't get. I apologise if I offended you.
NoIDidn't Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 That is not what you said. You quoted one statement and called it cheerleading. There is a select few that take so much out of context that it blows my mind...The statement I made had nothing to do with cheerleading on any level. Out of curiousity did it have to to with "you go girl"...just curious If I did cheerlead anywhere ESPECIALLY in this forum, what possible difference could it make to you except for an argument. I quoted the post to make a statement based on it. I decided to also include the observation in the tail of that post. So, the post I quoted had NOTHING to do with my observation. Do understand that I said its an observation that I made over time. Not some snap judgment that I made. And definitely nothing to do with a statement about spitting on the ground. So again, don't get hung up on the actual post that I quoted in responding to the answer that adultery wasn't against the law because those laws aren't enforced often. That has nothing to do with the observation. I'm not trying to argue with you. I made an observation and told you about it. I will drop this on this forum and we can take it to PM if you like. And I am not interested in offending you, so I apologize if I have.
whichwayisup Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I am not kidding! I got a fine $25 for taking my coffee into the subway. That was like a month ago. Now those suckers are going to charge me $35 FML! The same here. You call 311, they send you to 411, then THEY send you to 911. All I want is this RACOON out of my backyard!!!! Oops! T/J... You must be in T.O eh? Didn't know about the coffee and subway. Anyway it's obvious the OP is long gone and not coming back. It's too bad, would have liked an update.
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