Girlfriend loves me so much she's dumped me :(

[Mr.P]

Hello to all! I've posted this on breaking up, but I do want a second chance, even just an understanding of what is going on in her head.

 

LS wouldn't let me reply to an old thread as it was over 60 days old so I've had to start a new one. *My situation 4 months ago can prob be found through my profile.

 

Basically I've been seeing my girlfriend for 4 months after she realised I was what she wanted and ended things with her foreign LDR boyfriend. *Things were going great, perfect in fact! *She lived 2 hours away, and I worked 2 hours away in her area so we saw each other a lot. *Her family thought the world of me and would have me round for dinner, even waiting for me because I was finishing work late! *She was about to start college where I live so she was moving up, we could spend more time together!

 

She was nervous about moving up, meeting and living with new people, settling down and fitting in. *I did the best I could to support her and calm her nerves.

 

She had no problem settling in and she quickly became busy with socialising and work and I gave her the space to do it. *We were strong and it wasn't an issue.

 

We went away to a sports event last weekend, and after a few drinks she raised concerns that she had changed and wasn't sure if being together was the right thing for her. *I asked if we could talk about it the next day with a clear head. *Next day we agreed we had to talk about it but it wasn't the right time there and then.

 

That night her parents took us both out for a meal as they hadn't seen us in so long. *To me, being liked by her family is just as important as being loved by her is. *I think that the meal helped make her realise she was wrong and that I was what she wanted, as she asked on the way home if we could forget about what was said. *She loved me.

 

This week has been awful. *Her phone died so she borrowed another, but didn't have a charger so she wasn't really contactable this week. *I understood of course and so wasn't bombarding her with calls / txts asking why she wasn't talking to me. *Tuesday night she stayed over, and she gave no reason to suggest things weren't ok between us, she'd initiate kissing me and tell me she loves me. *

 

She borrowed my laptop to go on Facebook, and after I finished work on Wed I logged on. *It was still logged on as her and there was a chat conversation going between her and her mother. *Her mother asked her how things were between us now (I didn't even know there was an issue before the weekend) and she said things were better now. *I logged out and back in as me and tried to talk to her online (phone broke still) but she was busy with work and would get back to me. *She didn't as her Internet died.

 

Last night she txt asking when I was home so knowing her phone was on I called her. *She said we needed to talk so I said I'd rather do it in person when I was home on Monday. *Then the reality kicked in that I was in limbo for the weekend not knowing what was going on so I called her back and we talked on the phone.

 

She said she has changed since she went to college and whilst I was the person she wanted to settle down with and spend the rest of her life with, I wasn't the right person to be with through her college years. *I was the best thing that happened to her and she will always love me. *She knows what she's giving up and she asked for a weeks separation to see if it really was what she wanted as she was so confused. *I agreed as I don't want to lose her, but told her I wasn't holding any hope and that I need to start getting over her.

 

Well I'm absolutely gutted. *We were perfect together, she was my world and I'd have done anything for her. *She didn't even want to talk and try to solve any problems. *5 weeks in to a new lifestyle and a serious relationship can just be thrown away like that. *She knows I wasn't in it for the short term.

 

No contact for a week now, probably forever after that. *I just wish there was something I could do. *I'm devastated

[iknow]

wow that is really hard. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am also going through a similar situation where the person has admitted that this is the greatest thing that has happen to him and he will never fund another person like me but he also thinks he needs to grow as a person by himself and i guess experience other things since we were each others first bf/gf.

To me it makes no sense to give up on something so great and i will never understand it.

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do but move forward with your life. For me, I told him everything i felt and I guess it was just not enough for him to want to stay. It sucks. im really sorry man

[Eeyore79]

She obviously wants to be free to have a bit of fun during her college years, and she wants that more than she wants to be with you. When someone says you're perfect but the timing just isn't right, they're just trying to soften the blow - nobody dumps someone who is perfect.

 

You sound like a nice guy who's prepared to make an effort to treat a woman decently and have a proper committed relationship. Unfortunately that's not what this particular girl wants right now, but you will find someone else who'll be extremely happy to have such a lovely boyfriend.

[SithLord]

Disappear off into the night!! Vanish and drop dead off the earth.

[USMCHokie]

nobody dumps someone who is perfect.

 

+1.

 

In many cases, college is too soon for someone to settle down forever...the ones that do oftentimes help bolster the divorce rate...it's not her fault or your own...just the way of the world...

 

I have a new one for today: Perma-LAUNCH!!!

 

Someone who treats you as anything but the first string quarterback deserves no second chance...

[Mr.P]

Thanks for your kind words.

 

No contact didn't go off to a good start as she was asking if I was ok by txt. I told her not to worry about me and to get in touch in a week if she changes her mind. She asked me not to be like that so I just had to tell her I was crazy about her and that I had to assume the worst and start getting over her now. She asks if we could ever be friends so I told her it took ex no.1 6 yrs before I could be friends with her (that story is on this site too) and most recent ex I tried to be friends with, it didn't work. She sends a crying :'( txt and says she didn't mean to change, so I told her she could change back, but she doesn't want to because I'm not important enough to make her want to change back. She says i know how important to her i am. I know I am but just don't understand . I really wish I could then it might be easier Still absolutely gutted of course but even though I broke NC so soon I am trying to be strong. I have to see her tomorrow to get my hoody back and to give her her handbag back which she left last time she was at mine.

[Mr.P]

Well things have taken a nose dive for the worst

 

She txt me yesterday saying she was very ill and when I picked her up it was clear that she was. It was like what happened didn't matter anymore, I was really worried about her. She said she still wanted to talk so we went somewhere quiet and parked up.

 

She told me that her feelings for me changed a couple of weeks ago, and that there was never a spark in our relationship, only a warm glow. Well that was horrible to hear. She said that if she could bottle me up and keep me for the future when she's through all this then she would. But she'd never ask that of me because she knows I would consider it (and she was right). She says she might be making the biggest mistake of her life but she won't know unless she does it.

 

She said she's not getting on too well at college, said that despite all the people around her, she's very lonely. I said I had no idea, and that I was more than happy to spend more time with her, letting her settle down and fit in, but that wasn't a feature in our break up.

 

She then told me that after we spoke on Saturday, she broke down in tears and hit the bottle hard. She was being comforted by friends, by one in particular, one thing led to another and they ended up in bed together. 4 hours after she dumped me. It still hasn't sunk in yet. She wanted me to throw her in the river and get it all over with she was that disgusted with herself.

 

She got worse and so I had to take her to the doctor (well I didn't have to, but because I'm an idiot I did) and for the sake of simplicity she told the doctor I was her bf. She had a temperature and doc asked us to sit outside in the cool waiting room to drop her temperature. We went back in after half an hour and her temp had dropped a bit and doc asked her if there was anyone that could look after her that night incase things got worse and she said no. Doc then looked at me and asked if I could stay with her. Well we just looked at each other and before the silence got too uncomfortable I just said happily yeh I'll stay no problem, knowing full well it was the worst possible scenario for both of us.

 

We walked back to her room and she reminded me that was only going to give false hope and that she thought I should just go because she has flat mates to look after her. I said it wasn't going to give me false hope and that it was clear we weren't getting back together, and the events of today would hit me like a train tomorrow.

 

So we went to her room, she got in to bed and I went to the shop, bought a loaf of bread and made her spaghetti on toast. I sat on the chair beside her bed and we chatted even more about things (hand in hand) She still loves me, and kissed my hand a couple of times and suggested that there still may be hope for us. (A glimmer of hope!! How stupid am I......)

 

I said if that was true then we would have to have a long chat about what has happened and how things will have to change in the future. She said she really wanted me to get in to bed with her and comfort her, and after about 10 mins I genuinely was cold, and I got in to bed with her. Nothing happened but whilst we were close we were talking even more, and she says the passion we had left when we stopped having sex... Back the WTF truck up!! I didn't stop having sex with her! She often just fell asleep as soon as she got in to bed or had a headache or stomach pains!! Well that really set me off and she broke down again, ran out next door and I could hear her in absolute tears. She came back in and said just look at this situation, we've split up and you're here in my bed. I agreed that I had to leave providing someone would look after her, and she said the guy next door would. So I left. She kept stopping me after I walked through every door on the way out telling me how sorry she was for all of this and how grateful she was for me being there for her today.

 

It's hit me hard today, even her mum was checking up on me before as she's worried about me too. Just as gutted as I am. I apologised and told her I wasn't the right person to look after her last night and she agreed. She knew I was there to comfort her, knowing what had happened between us, and is now on a standby flight home from holiday, to take her home for a few days as she knows she's not in a good place right now.

 

I am gutted, pissed off, angry, but why do I still care?.....

[Ajax]

Well things have taken a nose dive for the worst

 

She txt me yesterday saying she was very ill and when I picked her up it was clear that she was. It was like what happened didn't matter anymore, I was really worried about her. She said she still wanted to talk so we went somewhere quiet and parked up.

 

She told me that her feelings for me changed a couple of weeks ago, and that there was never a spark in our relationship, only a warm glow. Well that was horrible to hear. She said that if she could bottle me up and keep me for the future when she's through all this then she would. But she'd never ask that of me because she knows I would consider it (and she was right). She says she might be making the biggest mistake of her life but she won't know unless she does it.

 

She said she's not getting on too well at college, said that despite all the people around her, she's very lonely. I said I had no idea, and that I was more than happy to spend more time with her, letting her settle down and fit in, but that wasn't a feature in our break up.

 

She then told me that after we spoke on Saturday, she broke down in tears and hit the bottle hard. She was being comforted by friends, by one in particular, one thing led to another and they ended up in bed together. 4 hours after she dumped me. It still hasn't sunk in yet. She wanted me to throw her in the river and get it all over with she was that disgusted with herself.

 

She got worse and so I had to take her to the doctor (well I didn't have to, but because I'm an idiot I did) and for the sake of simplicity she told the doctor I was her bf. She had a temperature and doc asked us to sit outside in the cool waiting room to drop her temperature. We went back in after half an hour and her temp had dropped a bit and doc asked her if there was anyone that could look after her that night incase things got worse and she said no. Doc then looked at me and asked if I could stay with her. Well we just looked at each other and before the silence got too uncomfortable I just said happily yeh I'll stay no problem, knowing full well it was the worst possible scenario for both of us.

 

We walked back to her room and she reminded me that was only going to give false hope and that she thought I should just go because she has flat mates to look after her. I said it wasn't going to give me false hope and that it was clear we weren't getting back together, and the events of today would hit me like a train tomorrow.

 

So we went to her room, she got in to bed and I went to the shop, bought a loaf of bread and made her spaghetti on toast. I sat on the chair beside her bed and we chatted even more about things (hand in hand) She still loves me, and kissed my hand a couple of times and suggested that there still may be hope for us. (A glimmer of hope!! How stupid am I......)

 

I said if that was true then we would have to have a long chat about what has happened and how things will have to change in the future. She said she really wanted me to get in to bed with her and comfort her, and after about 10 mins I genuinely was cold, and I got in to bed with her. Nothing happened but whilst we were close we were talking even more, and she says the passion we had left when we stopped having sex... Back the WTF truck up!! I didn't stop having sex with her! She often just fell asleep as soon as she got in to bed or had a headache or stomach pains!! Well that really set me off and she broke down again, ran out next door and I could hear her in absolute tears. She came back in and said just look at this situation, we've split up and you're here in my bed. I agreed that I had to leave providing someone would look after her, and she said the guy next door would. So I left. She kept stopping me after I walked through every door on the way out telling me how sorry she was for all of this and how grateful she was for me being there for her today.

 

It's hit me hard today, even her mum was checking up on me before as she's worried about me too. Just as gutted as I am. I apologised and told her I wasn't the right person to look after her last night and she agreed. She knew I was there to comfort her, knowing what had happened between us, and is now on a standby flight home from holiday, to take her home for a few days as she knows she's not in a good place right now.

 

I am gutted, pissed off, angry, but why do I still care?.....

 

 

Of course you still care, you're a decent human being. She put you in a really unfair position. Saying she can't be with you and then putting you in the position of being her "hero" and taking care of her? Just unfair. I think at this point you have an obligation to yourself to let her go. It won't be easy and it will take time, but you can't count on her to come back and you need to live your own life.

[Mr.P]

I tried to, but it still hasnt got off to a good start. I txt her this morning just asking her how she was feeling and she replied absolutely awful, and that she's not my problem anymore and to stop worrying. I said it was only bcos I care and she replied 'I know you do '

 

So 5pm last night she calls me. I was unsure whether to take the call or not but I did. She was complaining that she was getting much worse and that none of her flat mates were looking after her, I told her to sit tight and I was on my way.

 

She looked dreadful, she apologised profusely for phoning me but she had no one else to look after her. And she was right. Parents were on holiday and none of her friends would properly look after her despite saying they would. we were advised to go to hospital by a consultant so off we went. It took 4 hrs of waiting to be seen even with suspected meningitis, and she has a terrible fear of needles and they had to take a couple of blood samples. I was with her the whole time holding her hand and comforting her, telling her everything was ok and that she was doing great.

 

She really appreciated me being there saying she couldn't have done any of this without me.

 

Nurse then has to put her on an antibiotic drip so again more pain with needles. She was absolutely terrified. Again she was so grateful for me being there she kissed me and told me she loves me. Not good for me as that doesn't tell me anything really, but I wasn't the issue there and then.

 

I was keeping her mother updated during the night as to what was going on, and she was getting the earliest flight home and was eternally grateful for my help, despite everything that had gone on between us.

 

After more diagnosis she had to go for a ct scan then a lumber puncture. She had the scan just before I was asked to leave by the staff at 1.30 am. I told her id be phoning first thing to check on her. We kissed again and it wasn't a friendly kiss.

 

This morning it appears the scan revealed a brain abnormality and she was going for more scans today. Well that just set me off. I'm sat in the hospital car park now but they won't let me see her for another 3 hours, and her parents won't be here for another 6 hours either. I'm just so worried about her to be worrying about the fact we've split up and me trying to getting over it. When her parents get here we'll go our own separate ways now she can be looked after by someone properly. Then things should hit me properly.

[BigTenInchRecord]

I know how difficult this kind of thing is, especially when it comes out the blue. However, I hope you realize your just setting yourself up for some pretty heavy heartache. I know you love/care for her and want to be there for her - especially when she's sick - but you really need to cut your ties with her and do a disappearing act. She's made it clear she doesn't want a relationship, and unfortunately her post-breakup affection doesn't mean she wants to get back together. Your sending her a clear message that she can still have you whenever she wants, despite the fact that she broke your heart. Just a common case of the dumper keeping the dumpee around to soften their loss.

 

By seeing/contacting her actually making it easier for her to get over you, as she still gets you but no longer has the obligation of a relationship. Basically, your on her back burner. Your giving her no opportunity to miss you, and if you really hope for a second chance, that's the only way it will happen. She needs to see that her dumping you means that she lost you. You must break all contact.

 

You only dated her for four months correct? That's not very long at all. Her sleeping with another guy hours after you broke-up should be a huge red flag. Also, her telling you that you're the best guy she'll ever meet is nothing but BS shes using to ease you down. As others said, she would not break off a perfect relationship. It's clear she was never 100% committed to you, and you deserve someone who is. I know it's tough, about 14 months ago I got dumped out of the blue when I thought everything was great. It was very hard for several months, but no contact got me to the point where I have no clue what I saw in her and now I would never even consider dating her again. It also turned the score around as eventually she would start contacting me to hang out, which I denied. NC was the best thing I ever did, and it's highly recommended you follow suit - it's the only way you will ever move on, or if it's meant to be, get back together.

 

I do hope she has no serious medical issue though. Best of luck.

[kaycstamper]

It sounds like she's self-destructing...but you need to think about what's best for you and all of this drama and pulling you around isn't. Elsewhere there was a list of 12 rules to follow if you want to get back with someone, I think it was written by DonHo? I think it was in the second chances section, read it if you're interested.

[Mr.P]

An update first off:-

 

I finally got to see her around 2ish and a couple of her college friends were there too, she was doing ok, just waiting on the results of the next set of scans. A doc turned up and asked us to leave whilst they gave her an update. We went back in 5 mins later to find her in tears. She had to have the lumber puncture as the results were inconclusive until seen by a specialist. When her friends left she apologised for kissing me the night before incase it gave me false hope. It did give me false hope.

 

I was there with her for her lumber puncture, she was in a real state of distress, took a while of prodding inside to get the fluid from her spine to drain and the whole thing took about 10mins. Not good, was horrible for me too. After she kind of recovered from the procedure, she did thank me saying she couldn't have done it without me, and that maybe this proves that we can be friends. I said everything I've done for her is because no one else could look after her, and that all it has done is delay the reality that I have actually been dumped. Once her parents arrive then there's no need fir me to stick around anymore. Then the reality of everything will hit me. I said I can't just switch my feelings off like a light, and it would kill me seeing her with someone else. She said she has no intention of having another boyfriend anytime soon, so I pointed out that shed still be going out at night and things will happen. She kept quiet cos she agreed. She started getting upset again and I just said not to worry about me / us, but to just concentrate on getting better. She wanted me to stay until throwing out time instead of going when her parents turned up so I agreed.

 

Her parents turned up so I gave them the run down of the events and got a nurse over to tell them officially. They said she has to stay another night to be kept an eye on, and she got moved to another ward upstairs away from those who probably weren't going to survive the night.

 

Hospital food is dreadful so went to Subway and got her a sandwich to give her parents more time alone with her. We had a bit more of a chat before we had to leave, so her parents left first and I said I'd be down in a min.

 

She said she thinks there maybe hope for us getting back together but she needs to figure it out for herself. I just said again to concentrate on getting better first. She summoned me closer so we could kiss. Again it wasn't a friendly kiss. I said my goodbyes and said I'd be back first thing as I had places to be the next day.

 

I got home feeling quite hopeful and she even txt me telling me she wanted me there.

 

I went back the next morning and same thing again, wanting to just be friends and she really wants to see me again. We had a chat and I left soon after. It was starting to hit me yesterday that it's over and she doesn't want me, so will have to strictly enforce NC and follow Don Ho's guide religiously (thanks Don!)

 

Her mum txt me thanking me for everything I've done and gave her 2 cents worth on it all, that she's young and emotional, and scared of her feelings toward me. And that if things don't get sorted, then I still know where to find them.

 

She got released yesterday evening as the neurologist said that abnormality was just that is wasn't perfect and that it's nothing to worry about, and results from puncture were inconclusive so if she did have meningitis, then the antibiotic drip had taken care of it. We were chatting online once she had been taken home and she said she was sorry for everything and that she missed me, more than she ever did whilst she was at college. I asked her what that meant but she said she doesn't know. She knows im taking a new job in Dec and that id be commuting on a 4hr flight at the start/end of each shift block, but told her i now have no reason to come home for my days off. That upset her and she started crying again. Again I just told her to concentrate on getting better (was feeling hopeful but that chat conversation was a blow). She said I wasn't her problem anymore so I just wished her well and told her I was going to bed, so we said our goodbyes.

 

We were only together for 4 months, but friends for 3 - 4 years

 

Still gutted about it all

[Mr.P]

We were txting last night briefly, just casual things, but she did ask if i thought she had gone off the rails, cos she'd just had a heart to heart with her mum and she suggested she was. She also went back to using 4 x's in her txts so I've probably started reading in to that too much.

 

She also said we need to talk when she gets back to college. So I don't know what that means. I am hopeful, but again like a week ago to the day, I'm in limbo and really want to know what's going on!

[bl22]

We were txting last night briefly, just casual things, but she did ask if i thought she had gone off the rails, cos she'd just had a heart to heart with her mum and she suggested she was. She also went back to using 4 x's in her txts so I've probably started reading in to that too much.

 

She also said we need to talk when she gets back to college. So I don't know what that means. I am hopeful, but again like a week ago to the day, I'm in limbo and really want to know what's going on!

 

Right what you need to do is focus on yourself, be strong not weak. If you act too keen, she will shut you out of her life before you know it.

 

sounds to be like shes stringing you along, it wont be long before it will be over unless you get bk to the guy you was when she met you!! Im sure you are not the guy anymore after what shes done but you have to get back to that.

[Mr.P]

I am being as strong as I can. She knows that if we are to be friends, she will have to wait a long time for that to happen, because I need to lose all feelings for her first. She also knows that if we're not together then I will be moving away within the next few months.

 

Now she wants to be friends with me (worst case scenario). She knows I'll be gone unless we get back together. I haven't changed, I'm still the same person I always was.

[Mr.P]

She's just phoned me. She asks herself what was she thinking in finishing with me and she says she wants me back.

 

We're going to meet on Monday to talk about things