jen_r Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Just once, I would like to not have a dream about J. I would like to wake up HAPPY. Every morning I wake up and my heart is heavy and I check my phone to see if he's emailed me or anything. I wake up anxious and feel like I just need to talk to him, but I can't call him. I feel like a complete fool. Last night I went out with a male friend (didn't really want to, just wanted to get out of the house for a while) and we talked about J for 4 hours...ugh. I give credit to my friend, he tried to lift my spirits the whole time to which I simply said "I appreciate your words, but, nothing is going to make me feel any better." He said "Jen, you are a very attractive girl, not sure if you realize this, but you could probably have sex with any guy in here if you really wanted to." Things like that don't really make me feel better - A) because guys (most anyways) will obviously never turn down a girl for sex, B) I couldn't touch another guy with a 10 ft pole and I only want J to touch me. . Everyone says the same thing to me over and over that I will get over it, I will love again, etc. It's bull$h!t. I love this man more than anything in the entire world and right now my entire world is CRUSHED. Why doesn't he want me anymore? I want him so badly, I want him right here right now laying with me. I hate him for doing this to me and throwing me out like trash and not giving a care that I'm still deeply in love with him. He's out flirting with girls @ the bar, getting drunk with his friends and I find it absolutely disgusting. I mean that little to you that you can just go out every night and scam on other girls? Omg, it literally makes me want to vomit. I never thought a FEELING (what is a feeling anyways???) would consume me and make me feel horrible and make me think terrible thoughts. I hate to say this, but at this point I would like to check out permanently...feeling nothing is better than going through life as a robot. Everyday the world whizzes by me and I don't notice a thing. I have conversatrions with people and I don't even know what I am saying and I'm barely listening to them. I am faking being somewhat happy every.single.day. And I am tired of it.
bestrong Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Hey Jen, I feel your pain. Everyone in LS has gone through this at some point. Have you been going to the gym or pick up some hobbies? It was hard for me to drag myself into the gym when I first broke up with my ex, but I would want to look great if we bumped into each other. After while, I realised I have been working out for MYSELF rather than her. Try it, the better you feel about yourself, the more ok you will be! Cheers
spriggig Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Right there with you. I've withdrawn from the few friends I had because I can't seem to fake being happy and what little advice they had to give was heard long ago. I can't complain to anyone because I'll just hear "Well, you shouldn't have...", which is true, I shouldn't have... I go through depressions, beating myself up for my roll in the mess that was my marriage, and then I come out of the depression but never really find a way to make myself happy--I just sort of hit a neutral place where I don't feel so bad. Exercise does help, but that only fills 30 minutes a day or so. I can't imagine trying to date again. It's only been since January, not even a year yet. I'm giving myself two years to get over a 12 year marriage to a woman I love(d) who cheated on me. So, I'm almost half way there. If it doesn't hurt when it's over, you didn't really love them. The bigger your love the harder it falls. Would you rather be one of those who aren't ever hurt because they never really let themselves trust and love anyone?
Author jen_r Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 Right there with you. I've withdrawn from the few friends I had because I can't seem to fake being happy and what little advice they had to give was heard long ago. I can't complain to anyone because I'll just hear "Well, you shouldn't have...", which is true, I shouldn't have... I go through depressions, beating myself up for my roll in the mess that was my marriage, and then I come out of the depression but never really find a way to make myself happy--I just sort of hit a neutral place where I don't feel so bad. Exercise does help, but that only fills 30 minutes a day or so. I can't imagine trying to date again. It's only been since January, not even a year yet. I'm giving myself two years to get over a 12 year marriage to a woman I love(d) who cheated on me. So, I'm almost half way there. If it doesn't hurt when it's over, you didn't really love them. The bigger your love the harder it falls. Would you rather be one of those who aren't ever hurt because they never really let themselves trust and love anyone? I pushed my friends away as well. I can't stand to be around my best friend and her boyfriend, makes me sick. I don't want to date, I don't even want to be flirty. And honestly, I would rather be one of those people who never got hurt cause they never opened up, trusted and loved someone unconditionally. I really feel that feeling nothing at all would be better than feeling this feeling of....um...wanting to die? -------------- My ex actually called me an hour ago, to which he told me "GO OUT, go to the bars, hang out with people, you've got to accept this and the sooner you do the better off you are." Yeah J, obviously you don't know what I'm going through and how I can't even get out of bed unless I have to. Glad things are going easily for you. THEN, comes the belittleing(sp?) "You want me back? Jen, you don't even have a f**king job, you're a bum, yeah you're going to school, wow - good for you....you have zero work ethic, who says you'll even find a job after school? Who says you'll even be able to hold on to that job?" (Mind you, I am going to a career school that sets you up with a job when you finish.) Why do I even want this person back? Who says things that like to someone? I swear to god he is just waiting for me to pull the trigger, I feel like he is just testing me, slowly pushing me to the edge.
Don Ho Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Honestly Jen, I think it's time you work on the real issue, which is your obsession. You should probably invest a few $ on some books like this one: http://www.amazon.com/Obsessive-Love-When-Hurts-Much/dp/0553296744
Author jen_r Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 Honestly Jen, I think it's time you work on the real issue, which is your obsession. You should probably invest a few $ on some books like this one: http://www.amazon.com/Obsessive-Love-When-Hurts-Much/dp/0553296744 You're saying this is obsession because you think we have been broken up since January, that is not true. We got back together and just broke up the beginning of October. So, I haven't been pining for him for 9 months. I have never been through anything like this and I don't know what I am doing or how to cope. The person in my life I turn to when I am hurt is not there...The person who I trusted with everything I had - has broken that trust and is shutting me out of his life without a care in the world. I'm not obsessed, I'm hurt.
Don Ho Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Of course you are hurt. And, yes, you are obsessing about why he dumped you and what happened. I think for $7 or whatever it costs, you might find some helpful info there.
Author jen_r Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 Of course you are hurt. And, yes, you are obsessing about why he dumped you and what happened. I think for $7 or whatever it costs, you might find some helpful info there. I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not...
bboy Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not... Jen, Next time you go out and see a friend who you talk about the break up with, you decide that you give a 20 minute break in the middle where you talk about something else. (Yes, I know your head will still be spinning. But your words be about something else). One of the first progresses is to cut down on the talk. You're still going to think about it, but keep it in your thoughts for a moment.
Author jen_r Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 (edited) Jen, Next time you go out and see a friend who you talk about the break up with, you decide that you give a 20 minute break in the middle where you talk about something else. (Yes, I know your head will still be spinning. But your words be about something else). One of the first progresses is to cut down on the talk. You're still going to think about it, but keep it in your thoughts for a moment. Oh, I do. Trust me, I dont burden the people around me with what I'm going through. Sure, we've talked & talk about it, but it's not the sole topic of conversation. I come herrrrre to talk about it hahah Correction - the male friend I went out last night hadn't heard anything about my relationship or the breakup and was genuinely curious about what the situation was. Thats why it went on for 4 hours. We also talked about his breakup that happened a few months ago...it always feel good to hear someone elses heartbreak. Edited October 24, 2010 by jen_r
sugasweet1974 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Hello Jen, Im going to keep it short, Im not trying to be funny but when you see him again, drop your clothes and suck him and leave and switch your ass, keep it moving simple.
Don Ho Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not... No, I'm not being sarcastic and I don't know why you're resistant to the idea. Forget the title of the book, as I recall I read it many years ago and it had lots of good ideas to think about. You just sound like you're having a tough time and I thought it might help you.
tbird509 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 if you want him back,you have to improve yourself and give him a reason to make him want you back,but you should really do it for yourself,either way,he will take notice
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