Mr.P Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Hello to all! LS wouldn't let me reply to an old thread as it was over 60 days old so I've had to start a new one. *My situation 4 months ago can prob be found through my profile. Basically I've been seeing my girlfriend for 4 months after she realised I was what she wanted and ended things with her foreign LDR boyfriend. *Things were going great, perfect in fact! *She lived 2 hours away, and I worked 2 hours away in her area so we saw each other a lot. *Her family thought the world of me and would have me round for dinner, even waiting for me because I was finishing work late! *She was about to start college where I live so she was moving up, we could spend more time together! She was nervous about moving up, meeting and living with new people, settling down and fitting in. *I did the best I could to support her and calm her nerves. She had no problem settling in and she quickly became busy with socialising and work and I gave her the space to do it. *We were strong and it wasn't an issue. We went away to a sports event last weekend, and after a few drinks she raised concerns that she had changed and wasn't sure if being together was the right thing for her. *I asked if we could talk about it the next day with a clear head. *Next day we agreed we had to talk about it but it wasn't the right time there and then. That night her parents took us both out for a meal as they hadn't seen us in so long. *To me, being liked by her family is just as important as being loved by her is. *I think that the meal helped make her realise she was wrong and that I was what she wanted, as she asked on the way home if we could forget about what was said. *She loved me. This week has been awful. *Her phone died so she borrowed another, but didn't have a charger so she wasn't really contactable this week. *I understood of course and so wasn't bombarding her with calls / txts asking why she wasn't talking to me. *Tuesday night she stayed over, and she gave no reason to suggest things weren't ok between us, she'd initiate kissing me and tell me she loves me. * She borrowed my laptop to go on Facebook, and after I finished work on Wed I logged on. *It was still logged on as her and there was a chat conversation going between her and her mother. *Her mother asked her how things were between us now (I didn't even know there was an issue before the weekend) and she said things were better now. *I logged out and back in as me and tried to talk to her online (phone broke still) but she was busy with work and would get back to me. *She didn't as her Internet died. Last night she txt asking when I was home so knowing her phone was on I called her. *She said we needed to talk so I said I'd rather do it in person when I was home on Monday. *Then the reality kicked in that I was in limbo for the weekend not knowing what was going on so I called her back and we talked on the phone. She said she has changed since she went to college and whilst I was the person she wanted to settle down with and spend the rest of her life with, I wasn't the right person to be with through her college years. *I was the best thing that happened to her and she will always love me. *She knows what she's giving up and she asked for a weeks separation to see if it really was what she wanted as she was so confused. *I agreed as I don't want to lose her, but told her I wasn't holding any hope and that I need to start getting over her. Well I'm absolutely gutted. *We were perfect together, she was my world and I'd have done anything for her. *She didn't even want to talk and try to solve any problems. *5 weeks in to a new lifestyle and a serious relationship can just be thrown away like that. *She knows I wasn't in it for the short term. No contact for a week now, probably forever after that. *I just wish there was something I could do. *I'm devastated
Don Ho Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Sorry Bro. It just sounds like she wants to be single and/or not with you. The whole situation sounds much rockier than you explain. There has to be more to it. Regardless, there's nothing you can do. DO NOT send her love letters, emails, chase her and so on. That will only push her further away for sure.
Author Mr.P Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 Thanks Don, I can't tell you any more than that, it really was such a sudden unexpected shock. I know people who have gone to separate colleges and stayed together for 3 years and are still going strong! I just don't get why she wants to dump me. There's no reason why she can't enjoy college life with me by her side. She wants to go back to being friends but I've told her an ex of mine had to wait 6 years before I could be friends with her again. So she knows she will have to give me up for good. I have to see her tomorrow to give her some stuff back. Not looking forward to it
coist Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Hey man, I feel your pain but I gotta give it to you straight. I suspect that she's seeing someone or in the process of doing so and feels guilty about the whole situations. She doesn't know how to tell you. Dang....this means you would have to do what you gotta do to survive and over come this. Yeah, keep the No Contact in full effect no matter how hard it is to ditch the plan. I can't lie but you will go through the storm for a while meaning, you might have sleepless nights, crying spells, loss of apatite and a series of sexual thoughts going through your head. But just know you are not alone in this. It's been over four months since I last seen my ex. I went through hell dealing with the fact that we were not together but so far I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. As you emerge and stick to the plan, you will be stronger, and more focused than ever and would be able to see red flaggs in future dealings with women who likes to play the mind games. Also Karma is also a factor. Don't cheat, lie, deceive no one so that your energy that you put out wouldn't be a negative one. Stick to the No Contact though. Now it's time to shift the focus off of her back towards you so that you could learn how to be the loving being that God has intended you to be.
Author Mr.P Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 Thank you to you both for taking the time to reply. I don't think she's seeing anyone, she says it's just who she is now, which means to me that she wants to play around. And that breaks my heart. . I have a loss of appetite already, just now is the first time I've eaten since Friday and now feel sick. 3 hours sleep last night, shed a few tears already. That's all the symptoms of a broken heart covered! Even your last paragraph nearly set the water works off. I always strive to be the best person I can be, whether that be work / friend / lover, but it always backfires . I'm not going to become anything I'm not though. I want her back so much but at the same time I know she doesn't deserve me because of the pain she's putting me through.
BlueMoonshine Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 ....... As you emerge and stick to the plan, you will be stronger, and more focused than ever and would be able to see red flaggs in future dealings with women who likes to play the mind games. Also Karma is also a factor. Don't cheat, lie, deceive no one so that your energy that you put out wouldn't be a negative one. Stick to the No Contact though. Now it's time to shift the focus off of her back towards you so that you could learn how to be the loving being that God has intended you to be. Really good post man. Loveshack for the win!
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