devast Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I cannot seem to find a situation similar to mine. Wehave been married for 18 year and have 2 children. My H and I have not been getting on for the past few months, mainly due to my depression and inability to function due to anti-depressants and I was also very very cold to him, no hugs, no texts, I just ............ I don't know. 4 weeks ago, he met OW, he met her on the Saturday and came home Tuesday night and said "this isn't working is it"? I said "no, just move out"...... I had no idea about OW (obviously). Since then he has been texting, very depressed, signed off work but said she was giving him lots of attention etc. he said he wished I could be "the old me". She send lots of abusive texts to which I do not reply and I am seeing my Solictor next week. H wants us to be friends for the sake of our children and get along and always want to be there for me, when ever I need him???????????. When he visits he calls me babe, darling, honey??? She knows nothing of him visiting apart from into the 2nd week, when I sent her every text he sent me...... which wasn't a good idea. He calls telling me is not happy, he is depressed but "she has been through a lot". I told him no contact unless it's regarding the children, as I am ill and her constant texts are making me unwell. I have not ate for 4 weeks. I asked his Mum to get through to him about the texts, she did and he called on Thurday, I ignored the call. Yesterday he called and texted asking why we cannot get on for sake of boys and could we talk, he came down, we talked for a bit, it was strange, he asked me to stop calling her.....I said I NEVER call her, he said they had been having calls at 2.00am (not me). He asked to come down today, I asked him to call today and I would decide. He then texted last night saying "things not good here sorry if you start getting texts, really sorry"..... Then he phoned 3 times between 11.00 and 12.00pm I ignored. He then texted this morning to say "things not good here will call you on way to gym"????? Then I receive a text from her telling me he is with her now and to accept and stop phoning him. Its a bit like Jeremy Kyle. It hurts like hell though. What is he doing ???? What should I be doing? Any advice would be grateful.
Don Ho Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Interesting. I don't know why she's texting YOU. Are you able to block a number with your mobile provider? We have that available with Sprint. I think you're handling him and the situation just right. What is he up to? He's keeping you on the back burner so when it doesn't work out he can try to come back to you. How do you like being strung along? Sorry you're going through this Sis, it must make you feel miserable.
Author devast Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 Thank you for answering, no unfortunately I cannot block her calls, only "all incoming calls", I shall be changing my sim card this week. He called today saying his life is a mess and he feels like commiting suicide. I tried to talk to him, he said he couldn't stay their any longer and would be moving out. I said I would help him find a B&B if needed. He then texted this evening saying he needed to talk about himself...... He came down, very depressed, it was her calling me from his phone last night, he told her he had came down to see the boys and she "freaked out". I think what else has happened here is I found out she had been in prison in the past and I don't think he knew that. I think this is also possibly why he even told her he had spoke with me. He slept in the other bedroom, he said he has lost his job, I advised him to take his letter to JobCentre and look for another job and to contact the council, tell them he was (almost) homeless and he could have his mail sent here regarding this. He said he wishes we could sort things out. I advised he perhaps stop contact with me and then she would not "freak out" and then all would be happy, as after all he left me for her, so must see something in her than he cannot in me, he said "it's worse than you know" then "why do you want me to stay with her?" "have you found someone else?". I explained I do not need anyone else and feel I need to gather my thoughts and get myself better before even thinking about another relationship with ANY man. He left still very down, life a mess, slightly suicidal possibly but asked if he could call tomorrow if he feels well. I didn't answer. I don't think he is unemployed, I think he is scared to go back to work, he had a very stressful job and I think having 3 weeks off he cannot face going back. I could be wrong. Anyway, he texted thank you and x, I didn't text back as she checks his phone hourly. What a mess, if only he could have communicated with me, or me with him or, I feel a bit better about it all now. I know he does not love her, I think that is what hurt most, I dont know if he was hinting at coming back here but I feel it is way too soon and what is to stop him doing this again?? Unless of course I am prepared to fulfill his every sexual/emotional/whatever else need for the next 30 or 40 years, we married very young. It's good to have somewhere to just type it all out. I love this man dearly and this is totallyout of character for him but he is very needy and I am not the cuddly type, maybe I need to learn to be? I did used to be but children and the medications I was on (stopping them all atm) made me a zombie. Thanks in advance.
Author devast Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 I realise I have posted this on the the place and it should be under infedility. I could really use some advice. He wanted to visit more I have said no, not whilst he is living with her. He can call no and then if he needs to.
Don Ho Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Sounds like you're thinking right. Keep him in check. No having your cake and eating it too with you. Tough love.
dreamingoftigers Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Keep those walls up. as if he thinks it was because you found someone else
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