Div Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I'm having a hard time. My ex dumped me about 5 months ago and ever since then I've been trying to heal myself and move on. Sometimes I have good days and sometimes bad. At the moment it's a mixture. We both lost our virginity to each other, and sex actually meant something when we did it. Now I have been broken up so long I feel like I should be exploring more and possibly engaging with other women on an intimate level. I'm finding it hard because, from what I can gather, she has completely moved on and is involved with several guys and most likely has slept with one or more of them. I have yet to be with other women and it's holding me back. I feel like I should be doing more, but the whole process of intimacy is surrounded with anxiety for me. There are a few women I am interested in, but I just have no idea how to suggest to them I would like to take things to another level. Why is it so hard for me? How come other guys can just take a woman they've just met and get them so interested? Most people would consider me physically attractive but my emotional mind is such a mess. I have the worst self esteem and thought patterns ever since this break up. It's killing me slowly and I can't stop it.
bonpaw2008 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Hey Div - I think you are putting too much pressure on getting back into the "game" in that way. Find a girl you can talk to, be friends with, enjoy her company and things should progress naturally from there. Don't do what everyone says you should be doing (get back on the horse MAN!) because you sound much too sensitive for that. Sex should mean something, and you will know when the time is right. Work on your self-esteem and become a man that women would fall over themselves to have, then you will be where you need to be. Good luck! You got this...
SithLord Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Man up, suck it up and move on. Why are you dewelling a chick who is not stressing you. We all been down that road, but like continues. You'll meet someone new and wonder why u was so hook on ur ex in the first place. Nothing matters, don't concern yourself with what she does! She's not with u...the problem is your not going out there and having fun like u were before you met her. Raise your stock level! The problem is you need to develop your attraction skills by being the man and have the mentally u can conquor anything. Vanish off into the night, never to be heard from. Show no mercy no weakness.
bboy Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I feel like I should be doing more, but the whole process of intimacy is surrounded with anxiety for me. There are a few women I am interested in, but I just have no idea how to suggest to them I would like to take things to another level. Why is it so hard for me? How come other guys can just take a woman they've just met and get them so interested? Most people would consider me physically attractive but my emotional mind is such a mess. I have the worst self esteem and thought patterns ever since this break up. It's killing me slowly and I can't stop it. Of course it's a mess. You're suffering from performance anxiety. First you're using a measurement (5 months) like that would mean that "by now" you should have hooked up with someone. This time is completely irrelevant. It is when you feel like you have the right opportunity to do it, that you do it. Second, you're using "other guys" as a comparison to yourself. This is a half-truth you just wrote. You're looking at "other guys" who "perform" according to your standards as they should do and then compare yourself with them. I bet if you look the other way around, you'll see a whole bunch of other people that are NOT successful in your eyes, but you've chosen to ignore them. So when things doesn't go as you think they should, you turn around and look at your ex. Well, this the third thing you're doing wrong. You're not in competition with her. It's your ego fiddling with your head then. So here are some suggestions.... A.) You find someone when you feel ready to find someone. It's not the other way around. Erase that time in your head of 2 months - 2 years or whatever you find normal. B.) You'll be with someone for a reason you like and that's when it's going to happen. When you can show that you appreciate their presence. If you're not, you're not going to pursue that woman. Simple as that. It's not your buddies/other men who decide what you want, right? C.) There is no success factor in "beating" your ex. What are you expecting then? A trophy? A medal? A great sensation? There is no price. Neither for her or you. Something tells me you know this already...
LoveTruthChaos Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Div. Please, PLEASE do not ever change who you are, for the sake of proving yourself to someone that isn't there and doesn't care. - LTC
skydiveaddict Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 It's killing me slowly and I can't stop it. Me
GrayClouds Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Lighten up on yourself, and do not get in the silly habit of defining yourself by who you do or do not sleep with. You are still healing and that is ok in fact it say a great deal about the depth and quality person you are. You will find someone new and it will happen when your ready, trust yourself.
Author Div Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 Thank you all for your responses. I am being way too hard on myself. But this is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with emotionally.
GrayClouds Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Thank you all for your responses. I am being way too hard on myself. But this is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with emotionally. Yes and after you get through it, and you will, you will see how strong you are.
strength-abounds Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Nothing fixes a broken heart like a healthy dose of crabs...... I'm just sayin............
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