BrokenArrow1987 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 (edited) It's a long and complicated story. I just dumped my girlfriend, were in a secret relationship because of her familys religion. the last few weeks have been nothing but heart ache. We work at the same place and only get to see eachother about once a week for about 10 minutes after work. I can never call or text her, I love her though and have saved up just about enough to buy her an engagement ring. She is very beautiful and sometimes other guys will hit on her but I'm not able to tell the guys to stop it or anything because nobody can know we are together. one guy at work told me he blew her a kiss one day unknowing that I"m her boyfriend and I asked her about it and why she didnt tell me. She gave her side of the story saying that she told him that that was sexual harrassment which satisfied me then since I wasn't there to see what happened. then yesterday when she left from work, I got sent on break right after. I'm about to go outrside and through the glass doors i see the same guy running up to her as if he was her boyfriend and chasing her around the parkinglot whlie she ran away giggling. I couldn't beleive what I was seeing. I slammed the door and walk outside and see hes covered in grease from working on a car and was teasing her. He asks me for a smoke I tell him I dont have and and walk past him and her while she's getting into her car and she sayd "bye Jack" and I just ignored her because I was so mad. I called her and told her its over and that she can get chased by guys all she wants if that will make her happy. She says she can't talk to me because her sister might call and say we can talk monday. She texted me saying "i can't beleive your being so cruel I;'m sorry your ending it this way." "I told her if I don't dump her then she will think I''m spinless." I dont know what to do, I love this girl but she lets other men flirt with her at the expense of my feelings. I don't want to be a controlling overbearingly jelous boyfriend though either so maybe it's better that we break up. The thing is when I brought up her flirting with this guy before she told me that me looking at porn was like chating on her. I have still looked at porn speciafcally recently since she said she feels bad about the stuff we do including kissing saying that it makes her feel dirty. I figured that I'm not going to be getting any from her so that it was somehow ok or something. I wanted to confess to her but I didn't want to make her feel bad. I feel like a terrible jelous monster that she will never love me and because it it I dumped the girl of my dreams. So I will see her at work monday and we will probably meet up at our usual spot after work, what should I do? Edited October 24, 2010 by BrokenArrow1987
Princess2 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 You shouldn't be with someone if you have to keep it a secret. So either find someone else, or go public.
Author BrokenArrow1987 Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 thats the most logical answer, we've broken up several times before for that very reason. except those times it was her breaking up with me.
Author BrokenArrow1987 Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 she told me last week that sometimes she feels like shes keeping me from soebody. I just thought in my head the only one shes keeping me from is her. I really wish we could go public but I think her family is more important to her.
Author BrokenArrow1987 Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 besides she doesn't know I want to marry her, she wouldn't take the risk if she didnt know I'm committed to her.
Author BrokenArrow1987 Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 so thats it then just give up and move on and live a life of regret knowing that I had my dreamgirl and I'm the one dumped her. great advice.
painfullyobvious Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Why does she feelo that she needs to be secretive about you? She sounds like she needs alot of attention from other males. That is tough for any partner to tolerate.
Maggotface Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Look, if you don't like the advice then don't come here just do whatever you want. We can't tell you what you want to hear we can only give our opinions.
Author BrokenArrow1987 Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 (edited) Shes afraid her family will disown her if they found out she was with me, because I'm not from their religion which would be difficult to be a part of but not impossible (I started reading the bible trying to work on this part) but also because im not a virgin which I can't do anything about. As far as her needing attention from other guys you might be right about that, I shouldn't have to put up with it. Edited October 25, 2010 by BrokenArrow1987
Bryanp Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Maybe you should ask yourself if she is the only dream girl on the planet for you? Wouldn't it be nice to find someone without all the drama? Good luck.
Author BrokenArrow1987 Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 the thing I worry about is that what if its just me. what if im the problem? then it wouldn't matter if I found a new dream girl I would still be unhappy.
BlueRidgeMTs Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Sweetie, run away from this girl. That religion stuff is more of a barrier than you would care to know. Dont even get involved in trying to be something you are not (religion wise) unless you TRULY have come to that decision on your own. And NOT because some flirtatious chick is of the same religion. Run away. This isnt gonna work out anyway.
Author BrokenArrow1987 Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 (edited) I got into this thinking i wasn't goin to let something like fate get in the way. HAHA, well anyways we talked to day layed everything out on the table she cried a little bit and we went our seprate ways. This is the 4th or 5th time weve broken up and once again we both agreed it was for the best. I'm going to have to stick to my guns so not to end up in this situation again. Edited October 25, 2010 by BrokenArrow1987
Author BrokenArrow1987 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 (edited) It's funny that it just now hit me. It's over... part of me kind of wishes it wasn't. I'm glad we aren't hurting each other anymore but I realise I really do love her. At first I felt kind of releived but sad maybe even a little excited, but I realise I was just excited to see her since us being able to see eachother is so rare. Now I'm just sad, I wish things could have been different but theres no going back now and I made sure of it. No use in crying over it now though. I did what I had to do. and Maggotface you can just STFU you didn't give any advice you're just an ******* so go **** yourself. Edited October 26, 2010 by BrokenArrow1987
Author BrokenArrow1987 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 I wouldn't admit it to anyone in real life but I just don't feel like living right now. When I was with her I had direction in my life I was planning for the future, now I don't feel like doing anything. I'm not suicidal but I feel like I could just die right now. I'm letting this out on here since I can't even tell my closest friends so I apologise for my whining. this sucks:(
havehope Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 its ok to feel sad sometimes, like life isn't going to ever get better. But guess what - it does. I promise. And I'm sure others here can attest to that. You'll be happy again. Its not neccessarily "time heals" but more of what you do with that time TO heal.
Author BrokenArrow1987 Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 I wonder if I had a different career that I could have after i finish school if things would be different. I don't exactly have a new life to offer her for the one she would be losing to choose to be with me. But thats going to be 3 years from now before i finish school and I know I'm not gaurenteed a job. My mind says I'm fooling myself by thinking things will work out down the road between us and that I should just move on. My heart says to have hope. The only difference would be choosing to get into another relationship with someone else before I finish school or not.
Sivok Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 The last time I was with a girl who acted extremely pure and couldn't tell people she had a boyfriend ended up being a cheating whore sleeping with me and two other guys. Food for thought. Sounds like a player to me. Hell, she might be telling this other guy the same stuff she's telling you. Pretty easy to do if you think about it
Author BrokenArrow1987 Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 (edited) thats my fear, I would get suspicious but she would always say shes never lied to me. I don't think I"ll ever know for sure I wish I could trust her. I couldn't stand living a lie and would act mean to her out of jelousy. She could be telling the truth. There's no way I would know. but thats goes for any relationship I would just try to trust her but it is so hard. She never slept with me and I don't think shes slept with anyone else. She may have been flirting with guys more than I know about but I don't think she slept around. I'm taking this very badly I started smoking again and just burned through half a pack of Kamels in 2 hours. I think I need help. I want to talk to her and I need to know. I can't call her of course and I'll be seeing her at work again this weekend it's not like I"m able to cut off all contact. I wish everyone knew so I didn't have to lie about things anymore to people. If she was cheating on me I don't know how she could live with herself. I almost wish that she was and would tell me just so I could know. It's not that I want her to have been cheating on me so I was right it just can't handle it anymore. It could be jsut me I probably sabatoshed our relationship by being so suspicious but there was so much wrong with our relationship I don't want to get back together with her. Edited October 28, 2010 by BrokenArrow1987
Author BrokenArrow1987 Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 I almost called the other guy from work today to confront him about it. I was going to tell him about our relationship and ask if shes done anything with him. I as only stopped when I realised i dont have his number anymore. If he said yes he did I would have to thank him for showing me what kind of person she really is insteaed of beating the crap out of him becaue he wouldn't have know we were together. Is talking to this guy worth betraying her trust by exposing our secret relationship? I still don't know if she ever cheated on me just suspicions.
Author BrokenArrow1987 Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 I"m a wreck I have a big exam tomarrow and I haven;t studied and can't even sleep.
Raderick Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Use that engagement ring money and plan a trip to Vegas.
Sivok Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I almost called the other guy from work today to confront him about it. I was going to tell him about our relationship and ask if shes done anything with him. I as only stopped when I realised i dont have his number anymore. If he said yes he did I would have to thank him for showing me what kind of person she really is insteaed of beating the crap out of him becaue he wouldn't have know we were together. Is talking to this guy worth betraying her trust by exposing our secret relationship? I still don't know if she ever cheated on me just suspicions.If I were you, I'd confront her about it and have a heart to heart. It's obviously not easy, but when you do so you'll notice alot more peace between you too, and how much she may value you. Tell her you trust her wholeheartedly, but you're feeling uncomfortable about this new guy due to his methods of interaction with her. Comfort and trust are two different things imo.
Author BrokenArrow1987 Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 I will try that, I'll see her today but won't be able to talk to her in private until monday.
Author BrokenArrow1987 Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 Sweetie, run away from this girl. That religion stuff is more of a barrier than you would care to know. Dont even get involved in trying to be something you are not (religion wise) unless you TRULY have come to that decision on your own. And NOT because some flirtatious chick is of the same religion. Run away. This isnt gonna work out anyway. I'm not afraid of climbing a mountain. People do it everyday. Litterally and figuratively. You can call me a fool but I reather be a fool and fail than a wise man who never tried.
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