Hopeful30 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 The guy I am seeing has a kid he hasn't seen in years because his ex ran away with another guy. For me kids are a dealbreaker, and I have been honest with many men and told them this is not for me, they knew upfront and we parted ways before anyone could get hurt. The guy I am seeing now told me after I developed very strong feelings for him. I asked him numerous times upfront and told him why, but he hid it from me in fear that I will leave him. He waited because he felt that if I had feelings for him, I would be more sympathetic and less harsh, but I still feel the same way. I have a growing fear that one day his child will come back into his life (which will most likely happen). Its different when you meet a person who is already has his child in his life. You can decide right then and there if you are okay with it. But when you have a relationship with somebody, and all of a sudden absolutely everything changes because a past kid comes back into their life, it's a different situation. And I don't know if I can live knowing that one day this might happen. Everything might change, and I don't now if I'm okay with that. People tell me to take my time to decide if I should leave him or not, but I need to decide now before we get anymore involved. He might end up being the man for me, he might not. So far he has been the perfect man for me, which makes it difficult to decide if I should take this risk and if it will be worth it. What should I do?
Citizen Erased Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I am the same way, I find children to be a deal breaker. I want his focus to be on the family we make together, not elsewhere. If I was in this position with my fiance, I'd stay with him though, for a number of reasons. I don't envy you this. You have to decide if you can both trust him again, this was huge for him to keep from you. And you have to decide how much of a deal breaker it is now that you're attached to him. Nobody can tell you what you can live with in a relationship, only you know that.
BlackLovely Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Nobody can make such a choice for you. If you do not want a man with kids, this man is wrong for you. His child can resurface at any time.
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